The Missing Ingredient

Today is Father’s Day! We’re all clear about the importance of Mother’s Day – it’s one of the most sacred days of the year, preceded only by Christmas and Easter. We’re not so clear about Father’s Day. On Mother’s Day we honor, wine and dine our mothers, send gifts, make long phone calls, and put motherhood on a pedestal. We’re not as clear about Father’s Day. When I recently took an informal survey with the question, “What are you doing for Father’s Day?” I received a variety of blank looks and – I don’t really know. We honor what we value. So what’s up with fathers?

I think we’re all aware of the facts by now. Currently 50% of children in America live apart from their biological father and 41% of all children are born to an unmarried mother (as high as 80% and 70% respectively in some communities). 63% of all teen suicides involved kids living without a father; 85% of children exhibiting behavioral disorders; 71% of high school drop-outs; 70% of youth in juvenile detention. The crime rate is much higher for fatherless kids: 73% of all teen murders and 80% of teen rapes are committed by fatherless kids. 85% of all those in the prison system grew up without a father. The educational achievement is much lower for children without a father in their lives. Kids who grow up without a father are much more likely to engage in sexual activity, to have drug and alcohol problems, to have confused gender identities and psychiatric issues, and to be divorced as adults. Fathers are the missing ingredient in the American family.

The Bible very clearly raises the value of fathers and fatherhood:

·         Fathers are to “direct their children” and establish a godly legacy in their family (Genesis 18:19).

·         Fathers are to show compassion to their children (Psalm 103:13).

·         Fathers are known for their generosity and for being faithful providers for their family (Luke 11:11-12).

·         Fathers provide important role models to their children (1 Corinthians 4:14-16).

·         Fathers are to encourage and comfort the members of their family (1 Thessalonians 2:11-12).

·         Fathers are the ones charged with teaching, training, and disciplining their children (Hebrews 12:9).

Being a father is considered a blessing from God (Psalm 128:1-4). A father who fears the Lord provides security for his family (Proverbs 14:26). Fathers have the ability to “exasperate” and “embitter” their children and are therefore warned to not do so (Ephesians 6:4; Colossians 3:21). A father who does not provide for his family is “worse than an unbeliever” (1 Timothy 5:8).

Recently considerable research has been conducted on the values provided by a father. Here are some examples:

·         Fathers provide love

·         Fathers provide support

·         Fathers provide comfort

·         Fathers teach children values

·         Fathers teach children problem-solving

• A father's involvement in children's school activities protects at-risk children from failing or dropping out
• Fathers who are more involved with their children tend to raise children who experience more success in their career
• Involved fathering is related to lower rates of teen violence, delinquency, and other problems with the law
• Father involvement is associated with positive child characteristics such as empathy, self-esteem, self-control, psychological well-being, social competence, and life skills
• Children who grow up in homes with involved fathers are more likely to take an active and positive role in raising their own families

It’s not just an issue of absent fathers, it’s also an issue of passive, uninvolved fathers. Active fathering is certainly complicated by divorce and blended families. Godly fathers will explore ways to provide the benefits only they can give to their children no matter what their life circumstance.

Today we are declaring that fathers are our heroes. We are celebrating fathers who have who waited until marriage to bring a child into the world and who have remained faithful to their wife and children. We also celebrating fathers who are committed to being actively involved in the lives of their children even in situations that are not ideal. We are also celebrating men who are committed to providing fathering relationships to kids who don’t have an active father in their lives. After all, nothing can replace a godly father. You are our hero! Happy Father’s Day!