Freedom to Believe

I’ve always identified with the disciple called Thomas. The church has traditionally referred to him as “Doubting Thomas,” and not as a complement. Doubting does not get a lot of good press in the Bible. When Peter was walking on the water and began to sink, Jesus questioned his doubt (Matthew 14:31). Later, Jesus taught that faith not mixed with doubt would have the ability to move mountains (Matthew 21:21). Even after witnessing the resurrected Christ, “they worshipped him; but some doubted” (Matthew 28:17; Luke 24:38). The apostle James stated that one who doubts “is like a wave of the sea” (James 1:6). On the other hand, Jude advised those he addressed to “be merciful to those who doubt” (Jude 1:22).

“Doubt” is an interesting word. In the New Testament it usually refers to someone differentiating or discriminating, to making a judgment. In that sense, “doubt” is not necessarily a bad thing. However, in some cases (when used in the middle voice) it refers to someone doubting themselves, and thus vacillating, wavering, being uncertain. “Doubt” as a need for further evidence is not necessarily a bad thing. “Doubt” as a complete lack of certainty can be paralyzing.

Thomas had a lot of questions about this so-called “resurrection.” After all, on that first Easter Sunday evening Jesus had already appeared to the other disciples. In that first meeting, “he showed them his hands and side” (John 20:20). At first the disciples refused to believe the evidence standing right in front of them. Jesus had to specifically instruct them, “Look at my hands and my feet. It is I myself! Touch me and see; a ghost does not have flesh and bones, as you see I have” (Luke 24:39). And if that wasn’t enough, Jesus asked for a piece of broiled fish (I guess it’s even unhealthy for resurrected folk to eat deep-fried fish): “They gave him a piece of broiled fish, and he took it and ate it in their presence” (Luke 24:42-43). He wanted to demonstrate that he did not have some kind of totally new spiritual body; he could eat and digest food just like anyone else. Jesus had provided the other disciples with clear evidence of the reality of his physical resurrection. But Thomas was not present at that meeting. When the guys gave Thomas a report, he stated his personal need for evidence; he needed to have his own encounter with the risen Christ (John 20:24-25). Was that really so unreasonable?

As a young university student, I took the typical egghead position of a “soft-boiled agnostic,” i.e., I wanted to believe in God but didn’t think it would ever be possible to know for sure. Of course, my “knowing” had to be a “scientific,” evidentiary knowing. There was little room for faith, only for doubt. But because I wanted to believe in God, I began to search for evidence in good faith. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that if there is no God, if everything we are experiencing is the product of time plus chance plus nothing else, then there is no final meaning in life. There is no basis for truth or beauty or morality. Everything was purely arbitrary. Nothing made any sense. I was desperate to know. So one night I shut myself up in a little chapel in our dorm, wrapped myself in a blanket, and told the Lord that I would not leave that room until I knew for myself whether or not God existed and could be real in my life.

You might think that Jesus would have been upset with Thomas for asking for evidence of the resurrection. Instead, one week later Jesus reappeared to the disciples, and this time Thomas was with them (he had not abandoned them). Instead of rebuking him for his unbelief Jesus said, “Peace be with you! Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side” (John 20:26-27). Jesus offered Thomas the same evidence he had already given the other disciples. And Jesus, taking the time to show himself to Thomas in this way, liberated Thomas to believe. In fact, the response of Thomas is the most complete statement of faith and worship made by any of the disciples: “My Lord and my God” (John 20:28). The freedom to believe then released Thomas to be and do all Jesus purposed for him from that moment on.

I can’t fully describe what happened to me in that chapel so long ago; all I can say is that God visited me, that night and for many nights thereafter. I didn’t deserve it, but God empowered me to believe and gave me the freedom to go forward, not just by sight but more importantly, by faith. I still tend to question everything, but I am forever convinced that God is, and that God is a rewarder of those who diligently seek him.

After showing himself to Thomas and liberating Thomas to go forward by faith, Jesus made this important statement: “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed” (John 20:29). While you and I have never touched or eaten with the risen Christ, he has revealed himself to us in many important ways, and he has pronounced a blessing on us, those who have not seen and yet have believed. Our lives do not have to be dominated by doubt; we have been set free to believe, making abundant life possible. “Stop doubting and believe” (John 20:27).