Who thought up the whole idea of “family,” anyway?
Oh, wait. It was God. It was God who insisted that humanity must be made up of
“male and female” (Genesis 1:27). God thought Adam was insufficient, that he
needed a suitable counterpart (Genesis 2:18). The result was – Woman! And Adam
seemed very pleased with the result and broke out in song: “This is now bone of
my bones and flesh of my flesh” (Genesis 2:23). Just a guy and a girl hanging
out in the Garden was not enough for God – he had to insist on a long-term
covenant relationship between them, inventing the institution of marriage. “For
this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,
and they will become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). And what about kids? “Be
fruitful and increase in number” (Genesis 1:28), and the family was born.
We can all agree that
the family was God’s idea. Marriage is God’s idea. Kids are God’s idea.
Families providing a healthy environment for little people to grow into happy,
fruitful adults were God’s idea. But here are the facts: In LaGrange, Georgia
32.3% of the kids are growing up in a family with a father and a mother.
Another 28.6% are growing up in single parent families. In addition, 47.3% of
the grandparents living in LaGrange are raising one or more of their
grandchildren. The condition of our families in LaGrange is both a reflection
of and a contributor to the financial health of families: 21.6% of our families
are living below the poverty level; 42.7% of our single parent families live
below the poverty level. All too often these facts reflect a high level of
stress and instability. Somehow the family recipe has become increasingly
unhealthy.
The fact is, families look
different in different cultures. It has only been in recent times in Western
cultures that a “family” has been defined as a mom, a dad, and the children the
two of them brought into the world together (2.2 kids on average). Other
cultures do not limit the idea of “family” to this “nuclear” model but think
more in terms of an “extended family” – parents and kids, grandparents, uncles
and aunts, cousins, etc. In fact, most cultures define a family in terms of a
“kinship network,” i.e., a community people in relationship who are
specifically committed to the upbringing of healthy, happy children. I found
that out when I spent some time in Jamaica and Uganda. After getting to know
some of the families there the kids began to call me “Uncle.” Clearly I was not
their Uncle, but it defined a certain role for me in the context of their
“family.” As a college instructor I had mentoring relationships with quite a
few Asian students; in that context I experienced being carefully held at a
distance until they were convinced I would do well functioning as a member of
their “family,” then I was really “in” (sometimes more “in” than I wanted to
be).
In the book of Acts we
see salvation coming to whole households: the entire family of Cornelius
responded to the Gospel and were baptized (Acts 10:2; 11:4). In Philippi,
Lydia’s household embraced the Gospel together (Acts 16:15). When Paul
proclaimed the Gospel to the Philippian jailer, his entire family believed
(Acts 16:31-34). “Believe in
the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved—you and your household” (Acts 16:31). After
preaching the Gospel in Corinth, the whole family of the synagogue ruler came
to faith in Christ (Acts 18:8). In fact, Paul refers to the local church is
referred to as a family: “Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who
belong to the family of
believers” (Galatians 6:10; see also Ephesians 2:9; 1 Thessalonians 4:10; 1
Timothy 3:15; 1 Peter 2:17; 4:17; 5:9). The local church is, in the end, a
family of families. In that sense, we all share responsibility for the health
of our various family units.
Here’s a simple
proposal: Let’s begin by finding out what children need to grow into healthy,
happy adults. Let’s commit ourselves to doing whatever is needed to make sure
kids get those things – no matter what member of the “family” provides them.
Then let’s agree on the insights and instructions given to us in Scripture for
the developmental needs of kids and effective ways of meeting those needs. In
the end, the old African proverb is true: “It takes a village to raise a
child.” It’s unrealistic (and unfair) to expect all our single parent homes to
provide everything every child needs to grow into a healthy, happy adult. We
need “Uncles” and “Aunties” in the community ready to step up and meet some of
those needs. We need “Mentors,” adults committed to kids and to meeting the
needs of kids, committed to the effective development of fruitful and fulfilled
adults. We need new role models in our “village.” We need marriage mentors and
parenting mentors to help our new, young families who maybe did not grow with
models in their lives. And what better place to see that happen than in God’s
Kingdom Community – the Church of Jesus Christ.
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