Journal entry
Thanksgiving Day. Lynda’s colon was unhappy when she got up, but she wanted to try going to the buffet we had reservations for. We barely started on the meal when she threw everything up on our table. I helped to the car, paid for the meal, and went back to our motel room. Decided to check out early to take Lynda home. She laid on the back set in her pajamas and blanket and we made good time going home, arriving around 7:00.
December 23, 2017
Journal entry
Lynda was very weak when we got up so I cancelled our trip to Florida. Called the motel and they graciously refunded our money. Called Mom and Charity. I then drove into Lagrange to buy groceries for the week. Read to Lynda and discussed what we had just experienced. I trust you, Father.
January 17, 2018
Journal entry
Later this afternoon Lynda began to feel sick and was showing flu symptoms this evening. I read to her and stayed with her in her room.
January 18, 2018
Journal entry
After breakfast and a prayer time I checked on Lynda. She was still feeling very sick all day. Had some lunch and set her up with an Audible book. Worked with my students this afternoon, grading papers. Went down early to set Lynda up on the couch to watch old TV episodes.
January 30, 2018
Journal entry
Lynda and I had a light supper and watched Little House. Lynda was not feeling well. My BP is still high. Read to Lynda.
February 5, 2018
Journal entry
After lunch Lynda and I drove into Lagrange for her semi-annual oncology check-up. She was nervous throughout the night. The report was good - the CLL is still “stage zero.” (But still a "time bomb" in her body, ready to explode at any time.)
February 11, 2018
Journal entry
Lynda and I participated in the CBC early service. No “Host” was there so I jumped in. Lynda was still feeling sick so I set the service up on her iPad.
March 18, 2018
Journal entry
We participated in the CBC early service. Lynda’s digestion is still upset so we had a light lunch. Visited with Mom and Dad - Mom prayed for Lynda over the phone. Read to Lynda. You are my hope, Father.
March 19, 2018
Journal entry
Lynda slept late - she was in pain all night. I postponed our trip to Florida. Did some cleaning upstairs and helped Lynda fix chicken soup. A very rainy day. Read to Lynda. I receive your peace, Father.
March 28, 2018
Journal entry
Lynda and I drove into Ft. Gordon for Dominick’s graduation [her last trip0. They almost turned us away because Lynda’s driver’s license is expired. Took a lot of pictures of Dominick’s graduation. We then went out to dinner together. We were very tired by the time we got back to our room. You are my strength, and my wisdom, Father.
April 4, 2018
Journal entry
It was cooling down today so I took a walk down to the lake. Lynda felt sick all day. We had a light supper and watched a new movie. Read to Lynda. Our hope is in you, Father.
April 6, 2018
Journal entry
Called Dr. Gynther’s office to talk about Lynda’s digestive issues. After lunch I drove into Lagrange to run errands and buy groceries. We had snacks for supper and watched a movie. Read to Lynda. I make my home in you, Father.
April 12, 2018
Journal entry
It was a beautiful, warm spring day. Lynda tried to eat some eggs but became very sick. Something seems to have attacked our digestion. Read to Lynda. I rest in you, Father.
April 15, 2018
Journal entry
Did some reading before the service at CBC. Lynda was feeling very sick. Had a very light lunch.... Visited with Mom and Dad. Read to Lynda. Lynda gave me a generous birthday gift card to Amazon.... You are my life, Father.
April 26, 2018
Journal entry
Lynda was up early so we could drive to the Emory Clinic for fasting lab work. I then took her to IHOP for a bit of breakfast. We then both got our hair cut and it started to rain hard on the way home. Lynda rested and I did some work.... Called Mom to wish her a happy birthday. Read to Lynda, who went to bed early, very tired. You are good, Father.
May 1, 2018
Journal entry
Didn’t sleep as well with the plumbing problem. Lynda had a particularly hard time. Arranged for a local plumber to come by this afternoon. After lunch I worked on my book - composing the last chapter. The plumber came by and was able to easily fix the toilet. I walked down to the lake - it was a warm May day. We ate supper and watched Little House. Lynda’s stomach still giving her trouble but she doesn’t want to see a doctor until I get back from Virginia. Read to Lynda. I depend on you, Father.
May 9, 2018
Journal entry
Up very to pack for my trip. Lynda and I had a time of prayer together before I headed to ATL. After running the gauntlet at the airport I flew to Richmond in a little over an hour. Rented a car and drove the 2 hours to Virginia Beach. It was like driving through history - Yorktown, Williamsburg, James Town, Hampton, Norfolk, etc., etc. I was so immersed in the drive that I overshot my motel. Stopped for a late lunch and made my way to my motel in Chesapeake. Called Lynda right away. I then settled in for an evening of work, thankful that my laptop worked so well after having a problem last evening. Recorded a reading from Jan Karon and called Lynda to pray together. Guide me, Father.
May 13, 2018
Journal entry
A good flight at to ATL. I went through the whole process of getting out and away from the airport, calling Lynda to tell her I was on my way home. Spent some time giving Lynda a report of my trip before unpacking and settling in. James called Lynda and I called my Mom for Mother’s Day. Read to Lynda. We are both very tired. You are faithful, Father.
May 14, 2018
Journal entry
Lynda and I drove into Lagrange for her cardiology appointment. Spent some time talking to the doctor about her fatigue - he recommended she make that a priority when she sees Nicole. Had a light supper and watched Little House. Read to Lynda. Still tired. You are my strength, Father.
May 18, 2018
Journal entry
Lynda’s 71st birthday. Up for breakfast and a time of prayer. Lynda was up early. Gifts arrived for Lynda all day. I picked up her special dinner at Country Store and we watched one of her favorite movies. Read to Lynda. Charity and Dominick called. We’re under a tropical weather system - rainy and muggy. You are my joy, Father.
Facebook post
My wonderful wife, Lynda Asplund, is celebrating another great anniversary of her 39th birthday today. I decided to keep the Christmas tree and decorations up and to no longer "count down" to Christmas, since every day with Lynda is Christmas day for me, a wonderful gift from our loving, generous Father. I love you, sweet wife, today and every day. We celebrate the gift of you today!
May 20, 2018
Journal entry
Hosted the 12:30 online service for CBC. Lynda’s digestion was messed up all day. Charity called to talk to her mom. Visited with Mom and Dad on the phone. Lynda is concerned about her annual echo tomorrow. Read to Lynda. I trust you, Father.
May 21, 2018
Journal entry
Lynda was in a lot of pain, so I cancelled her echocardiogram and scheduled an appointment with Dr. Gurley for Wednesday morning. Drove into town to get a prescription for Lynda. Mom called to check on Lynda. Read to Lynda. I hope in you, Father.
May 22, 2018
Journal entry
Lynda was up most of the night and the morning having explosive diarrhea. She is very sick. Seeing Dr. Gurley tomorrow will be timely. I helped her clean up several times and tried to make her comfortable. Read to Lynda and tucked her in early. My hope is in you, Father.
May 23, 2018
Journal entry
Up early to prepare for Lynda’s doctor appointment. She was in tremendous pain at the clinic - I took her to the bathroom 4 times during the appointment. Called Mom in the midst to have her pray. The lab sent someone up to draw blood and they took Lynda out in a wheelchair, she was that weak. The doctor prescribed a pain medication and scheduled an ultrasound on her pancreas for Friday and a barium cat scan for next Wednesday. Took Lynda home as fast as I could - she didn’t have another accident until we were pulling into the garage. I drove back into Lagrange to pick up her prescription and buy groceries. We had to throw out the bathroom set so I went to Walmart to replace it. Lynda had a bite to eat and we watched Andy Griffith. Read to Lynda. Our lives are in your hands, Father.
Facebook post
Lynda has been very sick lately in a lot of pain, so although it was difficult, we made it in to her Gastroenterologist this morning. They drew blood and are setting up a barium CT scan and an ultrasound of her pancreas. Thank you for your prayers!
May 25, 2018
Journal entry
Lynda tried to get up to go to the bathroom and fell against the night table, injuring her back. That injury is now far more painful than the pain in her abdomen. We were able to get to the clinic for the ultrasound of her abdomen but I had to help turn her. I got her home and back to bed. Lynda is now completely dependent on me - which means both of us have to be completely dependent on the Lord. Feeling tired and depressed, wrestling with the shadow side of my temperament. I fixed a breakfast for supper and then read to Lynda. She was able to eat a bit. Got her back into bed and I spent some time reading. Lead me into your rest, Father.
May 26, 2018
Journal entry
Lynda slept late this morning. I brought my reading and laptop downstairs so I could stay close. Had a time of prayer and reading. Lynda’s pain is less today, probably pointing to the fact that she has not suffered a serious injury to her back. Her hip and ribs are very bruised. Had a light lunch and supper. Read to Lynda. I trust you, Father.
May 27, 2018
Journal entry
Had a bit of trouble sleeping due to pain in my left hand. [Lynda thought it was from needing to lift her.] Had a time of prayer and reading downstairs. Lynda didn’t sleep as well last night and rested in her room all day. Ate a light supper in the bedroom so Lynda and I could visit. Called Mom and Dad - they have been worried about Lynda. Read to Lynda. Got Lynda to bed late - she was very tired and nauseated. You are my strength, Father.
May 28, 2018
Journal entry
Memorial Day. Slept in this morning. Had a time of prayer and reading downstairs, waiting for Lynda to wake up. Lynda didn’t leave her room all day. Communicating messages all day about her health. Read to Lynda this evening. We prayed together for Jason Hubbard who is having surgery for a brain tumor in the morning. You are my portion, Father.
May 30, 2018
Journal entry
Up very early to take Lynda to the clinic for a barium CT scan. She had been trying to drink the barium and threw some of it up before she got in the scan. She was in a lot of pain so the technician had me come in to help. I eventually got her home, where she was sick the rest of the day. Brought my computer downstairs after lunch and worked off-and-on the rest of the day, sleeping off-and-on. Read to her a couple of times this evening and helped her get to bed for the night. Communicated with Lanny [Hubbard] about Jason and with Jim [Flynn] who had surgery. You are our hope, Father.
May 31, 2018
Journal entry
After a light lunch...I drove into Lagrange to pick up some supplies at Walgreens and Publix. Lynda was feeling worse by the time I got home. I ate supper and spent time reading to Lynda. Still no word from the doctor. Tucked Lynda in bed. We fix our hearts on you, Father.
June 1, 2018
Journal entry
Lynda was very weak and slept most of the day. Made some chicken soup this evening, the smell of which drew Lynda out of bed. I believe she is suffering from some depression. We actually watched a movie together this evening. Read to Lynda. All we need is you, Father.
June 2, 2018
Journal entry
Lynda was up fairly early, feeling better. Drove into town to pick up Lynda’s medication. We ate soup for supper and started to watch a movie. Lynda ate some jello that I bought for her, which made her sick. I read to her before tucking her in. Our hope is in you, Father.
June 4, 2018
Journal entry
Up early this morning. Lynda was also up early and I helped her get started. After lunch I was able to work on my book. Lynda spent some time visiting - she’s very emotionally drained from chronic pain. Read to Lynda and tucked her in. I wait for you, Father.
June 5, 2018
Journal entry
Lynda didn’t sleep well last night so she slept longer this morning. Helped Lynda with some morning meds and a bit to eat. Everything she eats upsets her stomach so she is not eating much, getting weaker every day. She laid in bed most of the day. Spent time reading to Lynda and eating a light supper in her room. Read to Lynda and tucked her in. We have our consult with Dr. Gurley in the morning. Lord, have mercy. We need your wisdom and your divine intervention, Father.
June 6, 2018
Journal entry
Didn’t sleep much last night. Up very early to help Lynda get ready for our early morning appointment with Dr. Gurley. The purpose was to discuss test results from the last two weeks. Her conclusion: her symptoms are not a result of something going wrong in her digestion but rather in her liver. She speculates it is liver cancer, but we are deferring to Dr Gynther. We stopped by the lab for more work and an appointment was made with Dr. Gynther for next Monday. I then took Lynda home and put her back to bed before turning around and driving back to Lagrange. I picked up a prescription for her and bought some groceries. She had not been able to sleep so I gave her one of the new anti-nausea pills and she felt much better almost immediately. Lynda is exhausted so I got her to bed early. Communicated with family about the situation. As has always been true, we are committed to living one day at a time, seeking God’s glory in every day. Every day we are alive it is for a purpose. We don’t know what God’s timetable is for any of us, but we want to stay close and be alert and responsive. Let your glory be reviewed and your enemies be scattered, Father.
June 7, 2018
Journal entry
Slept in a bit this morning. Had breakfast and a time of prayer. Focused on not being anxious. Lynda felt bad all day. After lunch I worked on my book. Ate some soup in Lynda’s room. She hasn’t felt like eating. Read to Lynda. You are our life, my Lord.
June 11, 2018
Journal entry
Up early this morning after a relatively sleepless night. Helped Lynda get the day started. Lynda felt very sick all day but we drove into for our appointment with Dr. Gynther. He has diagnosed stage four liver cancer with no treatment possible, just pain management. He also said that opioids put the colon to sleep, which is why Lynda hasn’t had a BM in 11 days - another source of great discomfort. We picked up laxatives and morphine on the way home. Lynda is handling it better than me. I read to her and helped her get ready for bed. She is so weak and tired. Sent a prayer request to CBC. We both need to abide in the Presence of the Lord moment-by-moment. Thunder storms all night. I submit to you, Father.
June 12, 2018
Journal entry
Trouble sleeping last night. Exercise, breakfast and prayer. Lynda started to move the 11 days of fecal matter out, which also resulted in vomiting. Some clean-up involved. Communicated with family and co-workers. Read to Lynda off-and-on. Tucked her in bed ASAP. The tendency is to panic, but we are waiting for the Lord, trusting in him, giving thanks for every new day we have together. Fill me with you Spirit anew, Father.
Facebook posts
We finally met with our oncologist late yesterday and got his official diagnosis. Lynda has stage 4 liver cancer. It developed very quickly and is spreading aggressively. No treatment is recommended, just pain management. I am focused on making her as comfortable as possible. I set up Christmas decorations in her room. Every day is a gift. Thank you for your prayers.
Some prayers are always the right prayers, prayers that always accord with God's will, prayers that will always be answered:
Father,
Let your glory be revealed
Let your enemies be scattered
Let the name of Jesus be lifted up and exalted
Let your Gospel triumph and prevail
Text message to Charity & James
I'm sorry I haven't communicated sooner. Mom is very sick and weak and she can't do anything for her self. It is an honor to serve her. The diagnosis: stage four liver cancer. It developed and progressed very quickly, independently of the other cancers. It is too advanced to treat, so the plan going forward is pain management. It's hard. Don't like talking about it. Mom is at peace with any outcome. I'm focused on helping as long as I can 24/7. We love you.
I'm totally focused on caring for your Mom. We've spent much of the morning cleaning up vomit and diarrhea, washing sheets, etc.
June 13, 2018
Journal entry
Having some trouble sleeping - I want to be available to Lynda in the night. Napped for a couple of hours in the chair before getting up for the day. Lynda slept until past noon.... Helped Lynda get the day started before driving into Lagrange. Picked up some supplies at Walgreens and Walmart. Helped Lynda take a bath and wash her hair when I got home. Lynda was very nauseated all evening. Read to her extensively before getting her into bed late. You are my strength, Father.
Facebook posts
On several occasions I have had the honor of standing in the gap with and for a dear friend as they battled a fatal condition. In each case I knew there were only two possible things the Lord wanted to do in that situation: (1) Reveal his glory by working a notable miracle, or (2) Reveal his glory by calling my friend home. So I've always prayed for both, trusting the Lord to get it right. Yesterday, Roxy reminded me that our dear friend Howdy Sligar had confessed that he was in a win/win situation at the end. We feel the same way.
"Let God arise; let his enemies be scattered" (Psalm 68:1).
Text message to Charity & James
Mom slept till noon. I helped her take a bath and wash her. An adventure. Mom was already too sick by her birthday to open any presents so I put them under the Christmas tree.
Mom is very nauseated today, unable to eat. She is resting. I installed support bars around her toilet. Living one day at a time. I go in often to just look at her. I'm reading her a Narnia book.
June 14, 2018
Journal entry
Lynda was very nauseated all day, losing anything she tried to drink. She didn’t try to eat anything. Read to her off-and-on all day. Texted the kids. If she isn’t feeling better tomorrow I will need to consult with Dr. Gynther. I wait upon your strength, Father.
Text message to Charity & James
Hey guys, I suggested to Mom the possibility of a brief call, but any attempt to sit up or talk much makes her very sick. I'm hoping to get some better meds. In the meantime she is very peaceful if not cheerful. I hope you are having a good day. We love you.
The doctor ordered a more powerful anti-nausea med for Mom, saying it would make her drowsy. I picked it and she felt so much better she asked to sit in her chair for the first time in two days. I heard giggling, then nothing. When I went in to check on her she was snoring in the chair, her phone laying in her lap. No pain and good sleep. Progress!
June 15, 2018
Journal entry
Lynda woke up early - she isn’t sleeping well. Read to Lynda. After lunch Dr. Gynther’s office called with a new prescription. I drove to Lagrange and picked up a floral arrangement on the way home. Gave Lynda the new med, which knocked out for over 5 hours. It kind of scared us both. James sent an audio greeting for Lynda. Read to her one last time. Fighting depression this evening. Let God arise and his enemies be scattered!
June 16, 2018
Journal entry
Up in the night to help Lynda. Had breakfast and a good time of prayer this morning. Served Lynda, reading to her, assisting her in any way I can. She can’t eat anything and is rarely lucid. I love her so much. I drove to Phenix City to pick up a new living room chair for Lynda - we have dubbed her “Auntie Fluffy.” I put too many wet towels in the dryer and broke it. After tucking Lynda in I worked on my book. Seeking a place of rest. Let your presence cover us spirit, soul and body, Father.
Facebook post
I'm finding that my best strategy is to stay focused on the present moment, to rejoice in another day God has given us. Find a way to celebrate. If I begin to think too much about the future, what it will be like to be alone in this house, self-pity starts to set in and it becomes overwhelming. Sufficient for the day...
June 17, 2018
Journal entry
Helped Lynda get the day started - she is very weak. Read to Lynda. She felt a little better so sat in the chair and ate a little. Texted the kids - they’re concerned that we are trying to stay at home too long. Discovered that both of our phones stopped working. Spent some time with Verizon tech support online but no solution was found. If it’s an attack it’s a silly one. We have a follow-up appointment with Dr. Gynther in the morning. Trying to rest. You are my rest, Father.
Text message to Charity & James
Good evening, kids. Mom is getting weaker every day with a new intense pain in her lower abdomen. She can't eat and sleeps most of the time. She hasn't been lucid for days. She can't walk and I have to drag her to and from the bathroom. We have a doctor's appoint in the morning. Not sure how I'm going to et her there. The doctor might hospitalize her. I like to lay in be and hold her hand while she sleeps. Just a quick update. I love you. Dad
June 17, 2018
Journal entry
Helped Lynda get the day started - she is very weak. Read to Lynda. She felt a little better so sat in the chair and ate a little. Texted the kids - they’re concerned that we are trying to stay at home too long. Discovered that both of our phones stopped working. Spent some time with Verizon tech support online but no solution was found. If it’s an attack it’s a silly one. We have a follow-up appointment with Dr. Gynther in the morning. Trying to rest. You are my rest, Father.
Text message to Charity & James
Good evening, kids. Mom is getting weaker every day with a new intense pain in her lower abdomen. She can't eat and sleeps most of the time. She hasn't been lucid for days. She can't walk and I have to drag her to and from the bathroom. We have a doctor's appoint in the morning. Not sure how I'm going to et her there. The doctor might hospitalize her. I like to lay in be and hold her hand while she sleeps. Just a quick update. I love you. Dad
I'm thinking that tomorrow's doctor appointment will be the key. If Mom ends up in the hospital tomorrow, you may want to think about a visit.
June 18, 2018
Journal entry
Didn’t sleep well last night. Anxiety. Arranged for a repairman to come by to fix our dryer on Wednesday. Called Dr. Gynther to say we wouldn’t be able to make this morning’s appointment. He then signed Lynda up Hospice care. Lisa Williamson came out to get us set up for Hospice and I communicated with the kids. They are planning on coming this week to say Good Bye. Some equipment was delivered for Lynda’s care - we’ve decided to do home care as long as possible. Making arrangements for family visits. Lynda was able to eat a little bit of cantaloupe. I read to her until late. Be my Companion and Friend, Holy Spirit.
Text message to Charity & James
Mom is not going to make the appointment. She is too weak. Hospice care is on the way to the house. Details to come.
Mom is now in hospice care. That means home care with regular visits from the nursing team. After the initial assessment (done by a friend from church), she feels that Mom does not have long and that now would be a good time for a visit.
Grammy is communicating a Happy Birthday message to Joshua: "Hey, sweet boy. I love you and I miss you."
Facebook posts
Last night at midnight I woke up to ask Lynda if she needed to go to the bathroom. She said, "I already peed. I did it by myself. I'm healed! It's a miracle!" And then she went back to sleep. I'm grateful for that sweet dream and thankful for the promise of healing in this life and of the ultimate and final healing to come.
Lynda is now in hospice care. We will stay at home as long as possible with regular visits from the nursing staff. They don't anticipate a long transition. Pray for a gentle if not glorious graduation day.
June 19, 2018
Journal entry
Lynda was very weak, disoriented and in pain this morning. I tried to help but probably only made it worse. I called West Georgia Hospice and they arranged to transport her to the Hospice center in Lagrange. James met us on the way and we followed the ambulance into town. They gave Lynda a beautiful room and we spent time loving on her, praying with her, reading to her. The nursing staff did a wonderful job caring for her. I think she actually felt better by the end of the day. James stayed with Lynda while I went to the Higgins Funeral Home to make arrangements. Pastor Lamar came by and had a beautiful time of ministry and prayer for Lynda. James and I got some supper and Bob & Neva arrived. By the time we left Lynda was very tired. My heart is breaking. I know the Lord will need to be more of an anchor for my life since I have relied so heavily on Lynda. Doing paperwork for Higgins. I yield myself, spirit, soul and body, to your wonderful Holy Spirit.
Text message to Charity & James
Mom is weaker today. Not lucid. Someone is coming out this afternoon. I can have her transported to the Lagrange Hospice whenever we are ready. She is loath to do that but I'm running out of the ability to serve her,
I'm arranging for in-patient care. I will send you the address. It may take time to make all arrangements. They will send an ambulance for her. I'll text you when the ambulance.
The ambulance is here.
We're at Hospice of Lagrange. We're in Room 12.
June 20, 2018
Journal entry
Didn’t sleep well last night. A dryer repairman came over and said parts had to be ordered for the dryer. I then met someone from the City of Lagrange and bought a cemetery plot before spending the rest of the day at Hospice. James had spent the night - a wonderful blessing. Bob & Neva were with us all day. Charity and Ken came this afternoon. Lynda was very happy with family being together today. She is increasingly weak, having trouble swallowing, words slurred, etc. It breaks the heart. After everyone left I stayed and read to Lynda, held her hand. I cherish every moment with her. James agreed to spend the night again It’s hard. You are faithful, Father.
June 21, 2018
Journal entry
Didn’t sleep well last night. A dryer repairman came over and said parts had to be ordered for the dryer. I then met someone from the City of Lagrange and bought a cemetery plot before spending the rest of the day at Hospice. James had spent the night - a wonderful blessing. Bob & Neva were with us all day. Charity and Ken came this afternoon. Lynda was very happy with family being together today. She is increasingly weak, having trouble swallowing, words slurred, etc. It breaks the heart. After everyone left I stayed and read to Lynda, held her hand. I cherish every moment with her. James agreed to spend the night again It’s hard. You are faithful, Father.
June 21, 2018
Journal entry
Up very early to get the day started. Bob and Neva stopped by for some final time together before flying back to Springfield. It was just James and I with Lynda the rest of the day. She was able to rest. We went to supper together - James has been wonderfully helpful to us during this time. He drove to the house and I spent the night on the couch next to Lynda. I had diet Coke for supper so was wide awake until 3:00. Just sat and prayed for Lynda. Finally got a few hours sleep. You are my peace, Father.
Facebook post
James and I are waiting with Mom. "Very truly I tell you, you will see heaven open, and the angels of God ascending and descending on the Son of Man.” (John 1:51)
June 22, 2018
Journal entry
Lynda was feeling better and had a burst of lucidity. I took the laundry to a laundromat. Lynda started to have digestive issues, stomach acid coming through her rectum and burning her skins. She is having trouble even holding down a sip of water. The staff is taking very good care of her. A severe thunderstorm rolled through. James and I then went to supper - he is arranging to further extend his stay with us - what a blessing. Caught up on some work while Lynda slept. You are my hope, Father.
Facebook post
Lynda is having a surge of lucidity this morning. Did I say she has a wonderful sense of humor?
June 23, 2018
Journal entry
Slept fairly well in the room with Lynda last night. James stayed at the house and brought some items back with him for Lynda. I then drove to the house to take a shower and have breakfast. Don and his brother were there pressure washing the house. I was able to pay Don and arrange to have our yard mowed before I drove back to the Hospice. Lynda seems to be a bit stronger today, even a bit sassy. James drove to ATL to rent a second car - he has extended his stay further. Lynda and I took a nap. I read to Lynda. When James got back we went out for pizza - it’s been good catching up with him. Lynda was in pain this evening. We prayed together and I drove back to the house while James stayed with Lynda. Preparations for the day tomorrow. You are my life, Father.
Facebook post
I must confess to being uncharacteristically emotional. Just a minute ago I started to tell Lynda, "Do you know what a blessing it is to be married to you?" She stopped by me and said, "Can we not talk about that?" Well, I said, "Why?" "Because it always makes your cry!" A couple of times a visitor has come in and she just points to me and says, "This one is having a hard time." Oh well. I'm not know for having a tender heart. Maybe that will change going forward.
"If we live, we live for the Lord; and if we die, we die for the Lord. So whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord" (Romans 14:8).
June 24, 2018
Journal entry
Slept fairly well at home while James stayed with Lynda. Had a prayer time on the way into town. Lynda slept all morning. Isabella came by to pray for Lynda. Reggie and JR drove down. We went to lunch with them and when we got back, Lynda was awake, so they were able to visit. We then took naps. Visited a bit before James went to the house for the night. At my urging, Lynda tried a bite of food but it made her very sick. Mom and Dad called for a brief visit. I read to her this evening. She was eventually able to go to sleep. I’m spending the night. You are my hope, Father.
Facebook post
Lynda sleeps most of the time now. But when she is awake, she is very joyful and funny. It seems odd, but we spend a fair amount of the time laughing. My brother Reggie was with us today. He is the Chaplain of a Retirement home and he said that not everyone is joyful at the end of life, that it's a sign of great faith and peace with God. Just another reason to be thankful for Lynda, for the grace and presence of the Lord.
"He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away" (Revelation 21:4).
June 25, 2018
Journal entry
Lynda had a hard time sleeping last night - as did I. She felt very sick, a pattern that continued through the day today. She is getting very weak. Bob and Neva arrived in their RV. James was a great blessing, as always. I already miss Lynda so much. I don’t know what I’m going to do. Another thunder storm this evening. Getting ready for bed early so I can head back tomorrow early. I need you, Father.
Facebook posts
I've been reflecting on the joy of the Lord. It seems as though the character of Jesus was marked by "fullness of joy." Our experience of eternity is simply described as entering into our Master's joy. Indeed, the first Christians were known for their joy. One of the evidences of the presence of the Holy Spirit is joy. If joy can be found in the Presence of the Lord, and if that Presence is with us now (especially where God's people are praising), then perhaps we can expect to experience some of that fullness of joy even now.
"For we know that if this earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life" (2 Corinthians 5:1, 4).
June 26, 2018
Journal entry
James spent the night with Lynda. Bob & Neva stopped by a couple of times. Lynda had a spell of choking, which sapped what little strength she had. Her tongue is swollen and she is having trouble swallowing. They are also concerned about a bed sore. James went to supper with Bob and Neva and brought me back a turkey sandwich. The nurse gave Lynda her night time pills and moved her onto her side - we’ll see how she does with it. I’m spending the night. Lead us into your rest, Father.
June 27, 2018
Journal entry
James spent the night with Lynda. Bob & Neva stopped by a couple of times. Lynda had a spell of choking, which sapped what little strength she had. Her tongue is swollen and she is having trouble swallowing. They are also concerned about a bed sore. James went to supper with Bob and Neva and brought me back a turkey sandwich. The nurse gave Lynda her night time pills and moved her onto her side - we’ll see how she does with it. I’m spending the night. Lead us into your rest, Father.
June 27, 2018
Journal entry
Didn’t sleep well last night. Lynda woke up in distress. B/P 53/38, labored breathing, unable to swallow or speak. James rushed to the Hospice and we spent the day praying, holding her hand, reading to her. By the evening her B/P was back to normal. The nurse explained that Lynda is “transitioning” and that her vitals will be irregular. James and I both spent the night at the Hospice, taking turns on the couch in the living area. Didn’t get much sleep. We wait for you, Father.
Lynda is "transitioning" - a process I am experiencing for the first time. She can't eat or drink or communicate. James is here with me - waiting for the Lord. We know we are not completely subject to a biological process but that the Lord is in control.
"However, as it is written, 'What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived' - the things God has prepared for those who love him" (1 Corinthians 2:9).
June 28, 2018
Journal entry
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Sitting here with Lynda during her last moments has brought to mind a question: What is this end-of-life experience all about? Who is it all about? After all, we all know we are mortal, that death is the end of this journey for all of us. Upon reflection, what really amazes me is the length to which Jesus went to make it possible for each one of us to spend eternity with him, to be with him where he is. He must love us a lot to humble himself by coming as a human being, suffering and dying, all so that a very large family could occupy heaven, and ultimately, the new heavens and the new earth. The glory of this moment is the glory of a God that loves us that much. That's why we are a people of hope and gratitude, even (if not especially) at the end of our mortal journey.
"Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am" (John 14:1-3).
June 29, 2018
Journal entry
Lynda went Home this morning at 6:50. The Lord woke me up at 5:24 with a sense he was calling her home. It was a holy time, the end of a difficult experience. While I know she is very happy, her loss will leave a huge gap. I guess I’m going to have to grow up. James and I packed up all our stuff and went home to shower and have a light breakfast. Tried to communicate with as many people as possible. We then drove into Lagrange to meet with Jeff Higgins at his funeral home. We then met with Lamar (on his day off) to arrange a service for next Tuesday. Ate lunch at IHOP and drove home. I tried to take a nap but was too preoccupied. We drove to the local florist to arrange for flowers for Tuesday’s service. You are my Comforter, Lord.
Facebook post
Lynda is HOME!
July 1, 2018
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All of the really great marriages end in death. We made a promise, "Till death do us part."
A big question for those who lose a spouse to death is how to define the way forward. It obviously cannot be business as usual. Some things remain the same but so many things at the core of life must change. For me, I feel the need to steward the unique and wonderful contributions made by Lynda. Our personalities were the exact opposite and we had very different spiritual gifts. We complemented each other extremely well. But I also learned to lean on her contributions, almost to take them for granted. Lynda was a wonderful intercessor with very sharp discernment. The character traits of humility, wisdom and compassion were fully developed in her life. Somehow I feel the need to step into the light she shined on the world, at least to some extent, to pick up the mantle and allow my unique life and contribution to reflect a little bit of her own during whatever remaining days God has assigned to me. Not having her to lean on does not mean I can't grow in those areas myself.
While Lynda was increasingly unconscious as a Hospice in-patient, occasionally she would open her eyes, look around and say, "Well...," an expression she learned from her good friend, Carrie Clark, and then go back to sleep (or wherever it was she went to). And then there was the time she looked around and said, "Well this is grim." Memories.
"For the perishable must clothe itself with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality. 'Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting? But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ" (1 Corinthians 15:53, 55, 57).
July 2, 2018
Journal entry
James and I walked down to the lake this morning before showers and breakfast. Had a devotional time and James and I spent the rest of the morning visiting. He fixed lunch for us and we had a prayer time before he left for the ATL airport. It was hard seeing him go. He has been such a profound blessing to both Lynda and me. I pray the Lord will pour out a blessing on him in a fresh way. Preparations for tomorrow. Reading and prayer. I know I am not alone. God is with me and I also feel the permanent deposit Lynda left in my life, meaning she is with me as well. I draw near and submit to you, Father.
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I'm looking forward to a wonderful Celebration of Lynda Asplund's life tomorrow, July 3. Lynda and I were the only Georgians in our family. While many family members traveled from Texas, Missouri and Florida to be with Lynda in Hospice, they will not be with us tomorrow. My brother Reggie Asplund, his wife Sandi Asplund and their grandson JR will be with us from Chattanooga, but they will be the only family. So, I look at tomorrow's Celebration as a local community event, intended especially for our dear friends from Columbus, Pine Mountain and Lagrange.
July 3, 2018
Journal entry
The Celebration of Lynda’s life. Up early for breakfast and a time of prayer. We had an informal “Visitation” at 11:30, followed by the service at 1:00. It was so good to see so many of our friends there - from Columbus and Lagrange. The Gavins were there and Dean and Patty Demos as well as Jon Ernsburger from Lagrange College, etc. Lamar and his team did a wonderful job - Lynda would have been embarrassed. We had a short service at the cemetery, followed by a repast at the church. Reg and Sandi stayed with us to the end. The ladies sent more food home with me than I could ever eat - I hope to share it with others. I miss Lynda every minute but also know we are still connected by God’s Spirit. I will begin a certain amount of adjusting tomorrow here in the house. You are with me, Father, Emmanuel.
Text message to James
Having an open casket is harder than I thought it would be.
Facebook post
We had a beautiful Celebration of Lynda's life and ministry today. The impact she has had on the lives of many around the world is profound. She would have been embarrassed at all the nice things that were said about her, but they were all true. It was especially great to have my brother Reggie and his wife Sandi and grandson JR with us. Many thanks to our wonderful New Community Church family who once again gave evidence of their quality. It was also wonderful to see our first Georgia friends from Columbus, including Virginia Cornett, Randal Langley, Ron Gavin, Ronald and Joanne Cottle, and Cindy Winkles. There were even our good friends Dean and Patty Demos from our PBC days. And there were so many more, from Lagrange College, from CLST Global, and from NCC. It was a beautiful day. I am greatly comforted, knowing that I am not alone, that God has given us a wonderful family here in Georgia.
Journal entry
Up very early - having some trouble sleeping. Walked around the lake before breakfast. Had a good time of prayer - I hope to share some of Lynda’s intercessory anointing. The guys from Higgins brought a ton of flowers by from the funeral - I put them on the back patio with Lynda’s flowers. After lunch I began to clean up and straighten up. Took the Christmas decorations down - I will need some new decorative items for the living room. This is the first day of the rest of my life - I hope to mature and be more focused going forward, trusting in the Lord to guard and guide me. I would keep in step with your Spirit, Father.
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The Funeral Home delivered flowers to our house this morning. You were able to see some of the wonderful floral arrangements in yesterday's picture of the Celebration service. I had no idea some of them would find a place inside and outside of my home. It is truly amazing, and an indication of how much Lynda was loved. Here are some pics of today's flowers. All of the larger arrangements on stands are at the burial site. I plan on going there tomorrow to take some pictures. I see cards from the following friends and family: The Branch Church (where James serves on the staff), CLST Global (where I serve on the staff), Cross Road School of Theology (a CLST school), Mark and Susan Jones (dear friends from Portland), Tommy & Marsha Rano (wonderful CLST colleagues), Sam & Becky Southard (old friends from Springfield), Ray & Diane Kaufman (Lynda's close cousin), Faith Christian Center (the Shireks), Ray & Karon Burmood (more good Springfield friends), Redeemer Church (the Servellos), Jonathan & Kristi Biggers (Jonathan grew up in the church in Springfield, attended PBC, and is now the Lead Pastor at a great church in Washington), Rob & Grayce Mitchell (my cousin), Johnny & Sandra Edwards (CLST pastors), Ruby & Warren, Carol & David, Norman, Elaine, Dan & Kathy (3 aunts, an uncle and a cousin, all on the Asplund side). Wow! I love you all!
"Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your] life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory" (Colossians 3:1-4).
Text message to James
You mom was well-loved, very evident yesterday.
Text message to James
You mom was well-loved, very evident yesterday.
July 5, 2018
Facebook posts
I like how Paul explains it in 2 Corinthians 5:1-5: "For instance, we know that when these bodies of ours are taken down like tents and folded away, they will be replaced by resurrection bodies in heaven—God-made, not handmade—and we’ll never have to relocate our “tents” again. Sometimes we can hardly wait to move—and so we cry out in frustration. Compared to what’s coming, living conditions around here seem like a stopover in an unfurnished shack, and we’re tired of it! We’ve been given a glimpse of the real thing, our true home, our resurrection bodies! The Spirit of God whets our appetite by giving us a taste of what’s ahead. He puts a little of heaven in our hearts so that we’ll never settle for less." (MSG)
Our temporary, mortal bodies are the tent we inhabit for the days God gives on this journey. Although "fearfully and wonderfully made," they are still temporary by design. The day comes when our tent is "taken down and folded away." Even if we provide a place of honor for that folded tent, it's important to realize that our permanent, immortal bodies await us, in some form in heaven and ultimately in a resurrection form at the end of the age. It was hard seeing Lynda's tent taken down, and we have now folded it away. At the same time, I can't help but rejoice that Lynda has discovered a whole new way of living - abundant life, Life after life. So many times she said, "Stupid body! When do I get a new body?" to which I replied, "Soon enough, don't be in a hurry." She was genuinely happy about her final days, ready to move on, to upgrade. I know she is loving living in perfect peace, perfect love, and fullness of joy. And I know Lynda is making an important contribution in her more permanent home.
I drove out to the cemetery today to see all the flowers on Lynda's grave. Although the floral arrangements were all together I found several wonderful expressions of love from dear friends and family: Shirlee Parks (Lynda's sister), Portland Bible College (where both Lynda and I served for 18 years), Gary & Vicki, Mary Schmitt and Vickie D (dear friends from Springfield, now living in Florida), Reggie and Sandi, Heather & Greg and Heidi (my brother and his family), and Ruby & Warren, Tim & Lori, and DeAnn and Dan (my aunt and cousins). What an honor to once again see the love everyone far and near had for Lynda. I love you back!
Text message to James
I'm keeping busy. Thanking the Lord for the gift of Lynda, how much I love her and how happy I am for her.
July 6, 2018
Journal entry
Up very early again - still not sleeping well. I have decided to drive to Florida tomorrow to be with family. The appliance repairman finally fixed our dryer so I did some loads of clothes. Told my neighbors about my trip out-of-town. I still can’t believe Lynda is gone - her absence is felt every minute of the day. Yet, I am also happy for her. No more sorrow or pain - the former things have passed away. You are with me, Father.
Facebook posts
I have often reflected on the amazing development of Lynda's ministry of intercessory prayer. It really began when her heart failed for the first time in 1998. Her otherwise hyper, public lifestyle came to a screeching halt, and she had to seriously seek the Lord about his direction for her future. That's when she began to give herself to the ministry of intercession. Being in a great church with powerful prayer DNA was fertile soil for that development. Since her heart failed for the third time in 2012, then three cancer diagnoses, she literally gave herself to prayer as a "full time job." That was almost all she did. In fact, it got to the point that she prayed in her sleep. My son James saw that for himself at Hospice when I drew attention to his Mom's lips moving while sleeping. It was possible to read her lips and see what she was praying for.
Some think that heaven is a permanent vacation, but I see heaven as a very busy place, each one playing a vital role in the ongoing mission of God. After all, Jesus, as our faithful High Priest, "ever lives to make intercession" (Hebrews 7:24-25). Several times the book of Revelation presents a picture of the saints gathered around the throne, offering prayers as incense before the Lord (5:8; 8:4). I can easily imagine that Lynda's life was so completely occupied with prayer, somehow the only way she could be more effective was if she were called to take her place at God's throne. I can almost see her, arms raised, calling out our names, interceding for God's Kingdom to come, God's will to be done, in our lives, in our times and places.
July 7, 2018
Facebook post
I have been wrestling with a math problem. The goal of any good marriage is intimacy or oneness. Every decade of a marriage has the potential of adding new levels of oneness, two people thinking and living as one. While the first year transition can be very challenging, usually because two people insist on continuing to think and live as two people, over time intimacy becomes increasingly automatic. Put in terms of a math formula: 1 + 1 = 1. Now the dilemma - if that formula became a math proof over time, how does the removal of one of the 1s affect the formula? Does the remaining “1" become a "1/2"? At the same time, I realize
Facebook post
During times like this we Jesus followers pray for comfort. The more I think about it, the more I see comfort not so much as a feeling but as a relationship. For me, comfort depends on a relationship with the Comforter. I love the fact that the word translated "comforter" refers to a person who is called to be alongside of, next to and in intimate relationship with another. In that sense, comfort is really a Person. It's so wonderful that we can receive divine comfort from God in our relationship with the Comforter, the Holy Spirit. Being a comfort to someone else is also about a relational connection. A shared life with someone else, especially when the Comforter is the common element, is indeed a comfort.
July 12, 2018
Facebook post
It's been so great spending the week in St. Augustine. I stayed with Mom and Dad and spent a lot of time talking and praying together. I also had a sweet time with Gary & Vicki Welter, I attended the marketplace luncheon started by Dad, and spent the evening with Charity and Ken Toombs, my daughter and son-in-law. Tomorrow I head home to seek the Lord, day-by-day, for a new life with a new rhythm and pattern. My entire life revolved around caring for Lynda, a true honor and joy, providing much of the meaning of my life. I know I'm not alone, but will need wisdom to discern a new way for the next chapter.
July 13, 2018
Journal entry
Didn’t sleep well last night. Showered and had an early breakfast, packing for the trip home. Had a final visit and a time of prayer with Mom and Dad. It was so great to be with them this week - so great that they are still with us. Had an uneventful 7-hour drive home. Picked up mail from our neighbors - they have been really great during this time, serving me well. Called Mom and Charity. Unpacked and settled back in. Having a hard time being alone in the house; I sense Lynda’s absence but I also sense the Lord’s Presence. You are my Hiding Place, Father.
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I remember a sermon my friend Frank Damazio preached on the text in Hosea 2:14-15: "Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her. There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope." "Achor" means "trouble." The Message translates it "Heartbreak Valley." Somehow this text is speaking to me this evening. We all have a variety of "wilderness experiences" in life, including times of trouble or heartbreak. Yet, the wilderness is where all of our baggage is stripped away, the place where we can find a new life of intimacy with our Divine Bridegroom. It is a place where the Lord promises to speak tenderly to us, to gently draw us into his embrace. God promises to turn our Valley of Heartbreak into a Door of Hope, the entrance into a new level of closeness, of sensitivity and responsiveness, even new hope for the future, of deeper and more abundant fruitfulness that is only possible as a result of a greater Oneness with our Lord. My heart is asking for that to be a reality, in my life and for others whose hearts are breaking in the wilderness.
July 14, 2018
Facebook post
The other day I remarked to a dear friend at church that it is in times like these that our faith convictions, decisions and commitments are tried in the fire. We get to once again reflect - either all these ideas we believe are true or they are not! A moment when we can review our faith in order to clarify and reinforce the core of our belief system (and possibly be less dogmatic about things that are not at the center). I look forward to doing that together in the coming days.
Text message to James
I have waves of grief but I'm OK otherwise. You Mom was the bright light in every day. She brought out the best in me. I'm pretty boring without her. Since the Holy Spirit is with and in your Mom, my desire is to have a closer relationship with God's Spirit.
July 16, 2018
Journal entry
Followed up on emails before driving to Lagrange. Dropped “thank you” notes off to the Hospice and Dr. Gynther. Went to the funeral home to pick up some final items, including the final bill. Did some home decorating with the items I purchased. Found prayers for the family Lynda wrote around 1985 - very moving and still relevant. You are my life, Father.
Text message to Charity & James
I've adopted a strategy from Home Alone. I'm shouting into the air, "Lynda, I'm watching The Hobbit and eating ice cream!" Immature I know, but it seems to help.
July 17, 2018
Text message to Charity & James
Going through Mom's journals I found prayers she had written for us from around 1985. The one for me is till valid.
July 19, 2018
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Once again today I can't help but celebrate the extraordinary blessing of being married to Lynda for 47 years - my love, my best friend, my companion, my counselor. No man has ever deserved that level of blessing - it is pure grace and generosity from the heart of the Father. Here is the first photo (on our wedding day) and the last photo (a selfie from December 2017 when we realized Lynda was too sick to travel to Florida for Christmas) taken of us together.
I completed the rough draft of a new book today. I was hoping to be done in time for Lynda to edit it. Now I will give it my best shot, hoping the Lord will allow her to look over my shoulder.
"Then I heard a voice from heaven say, 'Write this: Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord from now on'" (Revelation 14:13).
July 20, 2018
Journal entry
Up very early - couldn’t sleep. After breakfast I had a leisurely time of prayer. Caught up on emails before driving into Lagrange. Did some grading at Starbucks. Shopping at Home Depot, Walmart and Publix. Paid my bill at Higgins Funeral Home and got the information I needed at Parmer-Willis Monument. Watched “I Can Only Imagine” this evening - it nearly killed me! Began a GoFundMe project for Lynda’s memorial. Did some editing on my book. You are my joy, Father. Your grace is sufficient for me.
July 21, 2018
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There are not enough words to express how much I appreciate the West Georgia Hospice. They were a wonderful blessing, not only to Lynda during her final days but to our entire family. The staff of nurses and nurse assistants were always kind, professional, sensitive and responsive. Since James and I spent every night there they had to put up with us walking down to the nurses station in the middle of the night in our PJs and stocking feet, asking for one thing or another, and they were always kind and patient. The peace and even the joy of those days was significantly due to our friends at Hospice. Thank you! We will never forget!
Journal entry
Up early to gather at NCC for worship. Seemed to have a hard time this morning and early afternoon - sad and lonesome, weepy. Talked with Mom and Dad on the phone. Bring peace and healing, Father.
Facebook post
I am a task-oriented introvert. Among other things, that means I require a certain amount of quiet alone-time to stay energized. Lynda understood that very well, as a people-oriented extrovert, and was very wise and sensitive to that need. Occasionally I enjoy spending time away on a prayer retreat, usually at a Catholic monastery. Those times recharged my personal and spiritual battery. However, the highlight of each day was the opportunity to call Lynda on the phone so we could share a report of our day. Those of you whoever talked to Lynda on the phone knew her to be a wonderful conversationalist, always cheerful and encouraging as well as honest. Just hearing her voice made the day complete for me. I think my greatest adjustment now is knowing I can never hear her voice at any time of any day ever again - until that Day!
July 23, 2018
Journal entry
I’ve been reflecting in the fact that my care of Lynda was focused, not on making emotional connections but just on the external attempts to serve her. While sincere, it was fairly superficial. I missed the opportunity to connect and share in her feelings at the end. I see that as a relational pattern in my life. Being a task-oriented introvert is no excuse. I’m asking the Lord to deepen my ability to connect with the feelings of others, and with my own feelings - something I think probably scares me. Make me more like Jesus, Father.
July 24, 2018
Journal entry
I’ve been reflecting in the fact that my care of Lynda was focused, not on making emotional connections but just on the external attempts to serve her. While sincere, it was fairly superficial. I missed the opportunity to connect and share in her feelings at the end. I see that as a relational pattern in my life. Being a task-oriented introvert is no excuse. I’m asking the Lord to deepen my ability to connect with the feelings of others, and with my own feelings - something I think probably scares me. Make me more like Jesus, Father.
July 24, 2018
Journal entry
Went to the bank to close Lynda’s accounts. Went to the monument company to order Lynda’s memorial. Stopped by the grave site on the way home. Did some editing on chapter 3 of book from Matthew 6 about hypocrisy. I’ve been watching an early family movie from 2006 and quickly became irritated by the sound of my own voice. I was trying so hard to be funny and clever and smart, but it was just silly and immature, narcissistic. Especially when seen alongside of Lynda who was always mature and loving. Using humor as a “coping mechanism” just keeps authenticity and vulnerability from happening. It’s not too late to grow up. Lord, have mercy.
Text message to Charity & James
I'm not a good sleeper. I tend to get increasingly uncomfortable and start tossing and turning. Mom is a very light sleeper and it would always wake her up. I would turn over, see her awake, and she would say, "Are you OK?" I keep turning over concerned that I am keeping her awake, only to see that she isn't there. She's gone. Still adjusting.
July 25, 2018
Facebook post
I am concluding that having a broken heart presents the opportunity for deeper and wider growth in Christlike character. It can be difficult to just decide to "plow up the fallow ground of your heart," and then do it. However, life sometimes works like a plow. A tender heart in those times is a heart ready to cultivate new seed of character. I'm asking for growth in humility, wisdom and compassion, and I'm asking for greater authenticity and vulnerability.
Text message to James
I've been going through some of Mom's stuff - she never through anything away. I found a bunch of craft and sewing supplies, including her sewing machine and cabinet. You remember how Mom loved to sew. Her sewing machine cabinet is filled with supplies.
July 27, 2018
Journal entry
Father, you are not the “God of the gaps,” but I thank you for filling the hole left behind by my sweet wife and your wonderful daughter. Thank you!
Text message to Charity & James
This evening I was devastated with a memory. Toward the end at home, before Mom was too weak to get out of bed, I would try to help her to the bathroom, sometimes moving too fast, even stepping on her toes. When she was done, I would ask her to put her arms around my neck and I would stand up for and with her. We would just stand there and hug. Then I would half carry half drag her back to bed. To the end, she was a very sweet, patient, brave, loving wife and best friend, and I miss her terribly.
July 28, 2018
Facebook post
"WAIT!" During the last year Lynda and I considered several possible decisions affecting specific elements of our lives. The only answer we received from the Lord was, "Wait." Because the Lord is in complete control of timing, we knew that "Wait" meant "Wait." Little did we know that our lives would take a radical turn at the end of that year. When I think about it, I see the need to wait on three levels:
1. Wait upon the Lord. Wait in his presence. Seek to know him, serve him, to lovingly submit to his greater love and wisdom.
2. Wait for the Lord. Wait for what the Lord knows to be the perfect time to arrive. Only God can see all the elements, circumstances and people's lives that would affect timing.
3. Wait with the Lord. During Holy Week this year I was struck by the question of Jesus in the Garden: "Could you not wait with me for one hour?" Jesus didn't expect his friends to answer his questions, solve his dilemma or save him from what was to come. Jesus just wanted them to be with him, to wait with him. I realize that so many needed decisions require even God to wait, since the human beings involved and the Father's good desire for their lives need to align.
So we waited. At the end of the season of waiting, Lynda entered into God's glory. She is with Jesus where he is, seeing his glory face-to-face. And now, with a new chapter opening up, I still see the need to wait, knowing that the Lord's best plan for my life - for our lives - will be wonderful, if we are patient and faithful along the way.
Text message to Charity & James
I went through a storage box Mom moved from Portland and had never opened. It contained many of her favorite figurines. It's almost as though she viewed our time in Georgia as transitional. Of course, this entire mortal adventure is transitional.
July 29, 2018
Journal entry
The one-month anniversary of Lynda’s Graduation. Gathered at NCC for morning worship. Lamar preached a message on forgiveness which gripped me in an important way. Hosted the second CBC service, a wonderful time of ministry in the Holy Spirit. Visited with Mom and Dad on the phone. I praise you, Lord, for you are with me. I love you.
Facebook posts
Today is the one month anniversary of Lynda's Graduation to Glory. Sometimes I feel like I'm stuck in a dream. I miss her. And I am happy for her!
PastorL at New Community Church preached a wonderful and important sermon on forgiveness this morning. It reminded me of the times Lynda struggled with forgiveness. Words had a very powerful effect on Lynda. Careless, insensitive words often deeply wounded her. resulting in serious pain. Although words didn't have that much power in me, we often prayed together about those painful words, often snide, petty criticisms of something superficial and essentially irrelevant. Lynda was so completely wonderful in every way I often wondered how she could be so wounded by the hurtful comments of insecure people, trying to find some superficial way they could think of themselves as superior to her. She was a godly woman who always chose to forgive and trusted the Lord for healing and peace. Yet, occasionally something would happen that resulted in the old wounds opening back up and bleeding again. Even toward the end, we had a time of weeping and prayer together as those old memories, from elementary school to the present time, came flooding back. I was so concerned that she come to know how much the Father loved her, that she would be able to hear the Father's "Well done!" and find a place of peace. That prayer has certainly now been answered. But it is now time for me to forgive. Now it is necessary for me to release my personal offense of how those words resulted in pain and a sense of rejection and even inferiority in my beloved. The final healing she has experienced signals the time when I too need to let go and allow a new peace and reconciliation to come to my own mind and relationships. "Give it to Jesus and let it go!" Amen!
Text message to Charity & James
A great heart is often a tender, sensitive heart, a blessing and a curse. A curse to the one with a soft heart, a blessing to everyone who knows her.
Text message to James
I'm still adjusting. It's still hard to believe Mom isn't here. I feel and hear her absence. The sunshine has gone out of my life. At the same time, I have a very sweet sense of the Lord's presence and love. Her passing was a life-changing experience.
Text message to James
I'm still adjusting. It's still hard to believe Mom isn't here. I feel and hear her absence. The sunshine has gone out of my life. At the same time, I have a very sweet sense of the Lord's presence and love. Her passing was a life-changing experience.
August 1, 2018
Facebook posts
Not everyone knows that Lynda was a wonderful seamstress (a skill she learned from her cousin Diane). She made all of Charity's baby clothes and outfits for others. She was also skilled in a variety of crafts, often making Christmas presents for others. I'm very gradually looking at the material things she left behind and notice the boxes of sewing and craft supplies, as well as her sewing machine and cabinet. Another of her amazing gifts that blessed so many!
I've always wondered about Paul's insistence that he was essentially dead. He claimed to have died with Christ, and was therefore dead to sin (Rom 6:2, 8). He commended other believers for dying with Christ (Col 2:20; 3:3). But the object of his dying was participation in new life (1 Thes 5:10; 2 Tim 2:11) and freedom from sin (Rom 6:7). "I die daily" (1 Cor 15:31). Jesus very clearly explained it in John 12:24-26. Somehow, Paul so identified with the death of Christ on the cross and the ramifications of that death, it completely changed his identity, his focus in life, his priorities and his values. While I have always loved the idea of the "power of the cross" (1 Cor 1:18), I have never really understood it - until now. I'm discovering that sharing in the death and dying of a very godly, spiritually alive and sensitive person, makes Paul's experience very real and very personal. My life will never be the same again - and I thank God for that!
August 3, 2018
Journal entry
The one-month anniversary of Lynda’s funeral. Didn’t sleep well last night. Up very early to walk to the lake before breakfast. Posted a video of Lynda’s Celebration Service. Had a time of prayer. Drove into Lagrange to follow-up at the SSA office, make a donation to Good Will, and buy groceries. The Hospice Chaplain came by for a visit. Great is your grace and mercy, Father.
August 4, 2018
Journal entry
The one-month anniversary of Lynda’s funeral. Didn’t sleep well last night. Up very early to walk to the lake before breakfast. Posted a video of Lynda’s Celebration Service. Had a time of prayer. Drove into Lagrange to follow-up at the SSA office, make a donation to Good Will, and buy groceries. The Hospice Chaplain came by for a visit. Great is your grace and mercy, Father.
August 4, 2018
Text message to Charity & James
I had a sudden and very clear memory of Mom's final moments while mowing the yard today. I remember dream that the Holy Spirit was resting on Mom, looking like a cloud of light with many-colored lights within, extracting Mo's precious and eternal soul from her mortal failing body. Then I heard the nurse assistant working on Mom. I looked at my phone and it was 5:24 a.m. I got up and noticed that the nurse had put Mom on her back, folded her arms across her chest and pulled the sheet up to her neck, positioning her t die. I quickly pulled her left arm out from under the sheet so I could hold her hand during her last moments. After awhile, James noticed I was sitting up and he got out of his bed. "She died very peacefully," I said. He came over by her side, took her and hand wept. We then wait for the nurses to come in and they officially "called it" at 6:50 a.m. I know I'm supposed to be focusing on the "happy memories," but memories of the last weeks, days and hours were traumatic enough they cut very deep grooves in my brain. I finished the yard, but it's hard to mow while weeping. Just thought I would share.
August 5, 2018
Text message to Charity & James
Listening to Pastor Chris's morning sermon on the way home from small group this evening a sweet memory from Hospice came to mind. During the final three days when Mom was transitioning, both James and I would occasionally take her hand, lean down and whisper into her ear, "Jesus is here." We said it because it was true - and it is true. Jesus is here. Good night, family. I love you.
August 7, 2018
Text message to Charity & James
Attending my first grief support group meeting. Have you two thought of doing that?
August 9, 2018
Text message to Charity & James
Listening to Pastor Chris's morning sermon on the way home from small group this evening a sweet memory from Hospice came to mind. During the final three days when Mom was transitioning, both James and I would occasionally take her hand, lean down and whisper into her ear, "Jesus is here." We said it because it was true - and it is true. Jesus is here. Good night, family. I love you.
August 7, 2018
Text message to Charity & James
Attending my first grief support group meeting. Have you two thought of doing that?
August 9, 2018
Facebook post
I watched an old TV show this evening that had a wedding ceremony at the end. It reminded me of Valentines Day, 1998. Lynda had just been diagnosed with congestive heart failure. Her heart was very enlarged and very weak. She was almost too tired to get out of bed and was only given two years to live at best. It was hard being the main speaker at the Valentine's Day Banquet, but I remember saying that if I spent the rest of my life serving Lynda, it would have been a life well-lived. Then I led the couples in the traditional marriage vows, words that have been especially precious to me ever since. "I, _________ take you, __________, to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until parted by death. This is my solemn vow." Amen.
August 10, 2018
Journal entry
Up for breakfast, prayer and reading. Visited with Charity on the phone. A day filled with waves of grief. Thank you for your comfort, Father.
Text message to James
I can't get an image out of my mind today. It's of the hours Mom spent fighting for breath. What I keep seeing is her eyes fixed on mine the entire time, blinking, pupils not dilated, with a gaze that seemed to say, "Please help me. Please make it stop." It still breaks my heart.
August 11, 2018
Facebook post
My son James gave me a word of wisdom last night. He suggested that while it is necessary to process the emotions involved in grief, it is also possible that the Enemy could take advantage of me in a time of weakness and vulnerability. That it is necessary to discern that not only is there pain and loss but that dark spiritual forces are also looking for ways to rub salt into the emotional wound. I see that as timely wisdom.
August 12, 2018
Journal entry
Drove to NCC to gather for worship. Ate lunch and the hosted the CBC online service - a “miracle service.” Texted with James. I’m am content with the knowledge that the Lord took Lynda home at precisely the time he intended to. All transitions are hard, but passing through them, we find ourselves in the midst of God’s preferred future. I trust you, Father.
August 13, 2018
Facebook post
I had the privilege of participating in a "miracle service" at City Bible Church yesterday. Although part of the CBC Online service, it was great to be able to pray for people in need of a miracle. I was reminded of the many miracles Lynda experienced along the way. It was over 20 years ago that her heart failed; it was very weak and enlarged. We both felt the Lord wanted us to pray for a miracle, and by the fall, almost 20 years ago, her heart had returned to normal size and strength. Her cardiologist pronounced it a miracle, pointing out that even if and when an enlarged heart returned to normal size, it was misshapen as a result of being too big. Lynda's heart showed no signs of ever having been weak and enlarged. She had a miracle heart that kept beating strongly to the last moment. Even the cancer did now slow down her expectation of a miracle. The leukemia in 2015 was never more than "Stage Zero." The breast cancer in 2016/17 was completely eradicated and she was declared "cancer free." But when she turned 70, she told me she would not live long into her '70s, that the Lord had given her the full number of her days. So when she received word of a sudden development of stage four liver cancer on June 11, she said she knew this was her time to say Good Bye and that I was not to pray for her healing this time. One week later she was in hospice and the next week she was with the Lord in Glory. Even the last ten days in hospice were miracle days, as a steady stream of family and friends came by to pray and to be prayed for. Lynda was always laying her hands on visitors and praying for them. And then there was the night when a severe storm was heading toward Lagrange. Lynda grabbed our hands and said we needed to pray, only to find out the next day that there was a tornado in that storm but that it had dissipated before it came down on the city. Miracles every day until the last day - and faith for more miracles even now. "Your Kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in even." I believe!
August 14, 2018
Journal entry
Slept restlessly last night - ended up on the couch. Got up very early to go to my appointment with Dr. Terry. My B/P was good, knees doing much better. Stopped back by the SSA office. Had a light supper and attended my second grief support group meeting. I rest in you, Father.
August 19, 2018
Facebook post
Recently, PastorL at New Community Church gave an excellent message on the gift and skill of discernment. It brought to mind my appreciation of Lynda's very mature and accurate sense of discernment. It also brought to mind how little I appreciated that early in our marriage. If you can believe it, I used to accuse her of just being critical and judgmental. I must have thought I was a more flexible, compassionate personality (haha - deception). I actually implied that her attitude meant she was the immature one while I was the more spiritual one. (In reality, I was the one who was an immature poser.) Only later did I learn that Lynda's gift was critically important, and in fact, was a gift God had given to me. I soon realized that I needed her gift and skill of discernment to balance out my tendency to over-think things and draw the wrong conclusions. Lesson learned. I wish it didn't take some husbands so long to embrace the gifts the Lord had provided them in their wonderful wives.
"For I am convinced that neither life nor death, neither angels or demons, neither the present or the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord" (Romans 8:38-39).
August 20, 2018
Journal entry
Didn’t sleep well. Up very early for a doctor’s appointment. I am in good health - the doctor order a thyroid test and is referring me to Dr. Williams for a stress test. Mom called to say that Dad’s cardiologist has diagnosed a-flutter and will try to shock his heart back into a sinus rhythm. Requested prayer. Feeling anxious this evening - a product of a self-focus and being too tired. You are my peace, Father.
August 21, 2018
Journal entry
Started looking at Lynda’s wardrobe. I’m feeling a general need to simplify my life. Attended the 3rd grief support group. I look to you, Father.
Text message to Charity & James
I'm beginning to gradually explore Mom's wardrobe. A couple of immediate observations: She had a vast wardrobe from Portland. Some items still have the tag on them. I can also tell you that 85 to 90% of the items were never worn after moving to Georgia. Another indication that she viewed Georgia as a transition. I know where she transitioned. I assume my transition will be confirmed over time.
August 23, 2018
Facebook posts
Just put hair spray on my arm pit. It's one of those foggy days on the grieving journey.
I've been reflecting on the ways I could have loved and served Lynda better, not by way of regret or guilt but rather to learn lessons of wisdom maybe someone else might benefit from. Here is Lesson #1: If I could do it (live with Lynda) over again, I would have eaten most if not all dinners at the dining room table rather than on a TV tray in front of the tube. In that way, I could have benefited even more from her wisdom, insights and feedback.
Text message to James
I'm feeling the need to simplify my life, including books and DVDs.
August 24, 2018
Stopped by the cemetery to see Lynda’s memorial before dropping by with a payment. Got a sandwich on the way to Good Will (with more donations) and Publix. Picked up a Starbucks and a floral arrangement for the memorial on the way home. Watched The Shack - it wrecked me. You are my joy, Father.
Journal entry
Journal entry
Facebook post
I've been reflecting on the ways I could have loved and served Lynda better, not by way of regret or guilt but rather to learn lessons of wisdom maybe someone else might benefit from. Here is Lesson #1: If I could do it (live with Lynda) over again, I would have eaten most if not all dinners at the dining room table rather than on a TV tray in front of the tube. In that way, I could have benefited even more from her wisdom, insights and feedback.
"Love always leaves a mark" (Papa).
August 27, 2018
Drove into Lagrange to run a couple of errands before my appointment with Dr. Williams. He loved Lynda and expressed his grief for her sudden passing. They are running a full range of tests on my heart. EKG and a heart monitor (which I have to wear for 28 days) today. Echocardiogram and stress test tomorrow. Dropped some items off at Good Will (I’m beginning to cull out some books) and stopped by Meadoway Gardens. Trusting the Lord. You are my hiding place, Father.
Up early to drive into Lagrange to spend most of the day at the Emory Clinic. Memories of Lynda’s nightmare experiences there were very clear in my mind. Had my first echocardiogram and stress test. Thank you, merciful Father.
Text message to James
I spent several hours in the clinic where Mom spent a lot of time. Tests for my heart - so far passing with flying colors. Heart palpitations just due to stress.
August 27, 2018
Journal entry
August 28, 2018
Journal entry
Text message to James
I spent several hours in the clinic where Mom spent a lot of time. Tests for my heart - so far passing with flying colors. Heart palpitations just due to stress.
August 29, 2018
Journal entry
Facebook posts
I first laid eyes on Lynda on this day, August 29, 1970. It was at a coffeehouse, downtown Springfield, Missouri. She was singing on the platform, her platinum blond hair glowing under the black lights. It was love at first sight. I took her home that night and we were together almost every day afterward, best friends, soul mates, God's great gift and blessing to me, and to so many others.
It was two months ago today, June 29, that Lynda Graduated. I miss her 24/7. Part of the time my brain and heart are still not sure what has happened. Most of the time I am thankful that she is safe in the arms of the Father - as am I.
"But from everlasting to everlasting / the Lord's love is with those who fear him, / and his righteousness with their children's children - / with those who keep his covenant / and remember to obey his precepts" (Psalm 103:17-18).
August 30, 2018
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September 2, 2018
Facebook posts
I recently asked my barber why my grey hair was so wild, sticking out, curling, flipping, doing it's own thing, some strands growing fast and others slow? She explained that hair becomes grey because they core has died, making it light and flimsy, hard to manage. I must admit that there are times when Lynda's passing feels like the core of my life has died, making my life flimsy and hard to manage. But then I ask, Wasn't it Jesus that brought us together? Wasn't Jesus the center of our marriage? Wasn't Jesus the core of our lives and relationship? Did Jesus die on June 29? No! So is it possible to place a beautiful relationship at the center of our lives, to make it the core of our lives, to make it into an idol? Yes. So while I grieve, giving thanks to God for the amazing gift of an awesome partner and best friend, my worship must be focused on the center, the source of every good and perfect gift, the true heart and core of my life. My grieving must somehow avoid the possibility of idolatry.
Journal entry
September 4, 2018
Journal entry
Facebook post
I had my follow-up appointment with my cardiologist this morning. All the tests - echocardiogram, stress test - showed my heart to be normal. All is well. It was just stress and nerves. Dr. Williams was Lynda's cardiologist and loved Lynda, so he understood the huge change her passing has resulted in. I'm feeling better. Thank you for your prayers!
Text message to Charity & James
I donated some of Mom's wardrobe to Goodwill today - only those items I don't remember her wearing. I also donated a bunch of my books. Carrying on.
Text message to Charity & James
I donated some of Mom's wardrobe to Goodwill today - only those items I don't remember her wearing. I also donated a bunch of my books. Carrying on.
September 7, 2018
Journal entry
Facebook post
"Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. For we live by faith, not by sight" (2 Corinthians 5:6-7).
September 9, 2018
Facebook post
While visiting with my parents on the phone this evening I tried to share how I have been feeling about heaven. It's like I now have two homes. Lynda's is in her new home, the Home, while I am still here at home. And because I still feel connected to Lynda, it's like I have a home here and a Home there, and I'm comfortable with either one. After all, this home is temporary, and that's OK. Is that weird?
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal" (2 Corinthians 4:16-18).
September 11, 2018
Facebook post
Our neighbors across the street have been so great during these times. The grandparents have significant health issues, so their daughter and her autistic son live with them. When I told the grandmother that Lynda had passed on/over/through she recalled the last time they had been together. Both of them had found their way to the adjoining mail boxes, both in their bath robes, and our neighbor had told Lynda that she had been having some health issues. Immediately, without thinking or asking for permission, Lynda laid hands on her and prayed for her. It was always Lynda's first and immediate response to lay her hands on someone and pray. I clearly remember the time James and I were with Lynda in Hospice. James was coughing and I saw Lynda's hand reach out toward James. He seemed a bit puzzled so I said, "She wants to pray for you." And she did. God's grace working in a person's life is a beautiful thing.
September 13, 2018
Facebook post
Before Lynda's heart failed at the beginning of 1998 we were both very independent, self-sufficient, hyper-responsible firstborns. After her heart failed she became dependent on me and I increasingly on her. At one point I remember asking her an introvert question (tending to overthink everything): "Do you think we have become co-dependent in an unhealthy way?" She was used to fielding that kind of question from me, and after politely indicating that it was kind of a silly question, gave a simple, common sense answer. We were simply growing closer, becoming more connected, becoming "one" as a result of her weakness. Whenever I was gone for any amount of time, even if it was an hour to buy some groceries, she would greet me with sweet enthusiasm and declare, "I missed awfully, terribly, horribly!" Now I know what she meant. "I miss you awfully, terribly, horribly!"
September 14, 2018
Facebook post
Participating in my Grief Share group at NCC has been a wonderful blessing. That group, along with the various books on grieving my friends have sent me in the mail (good grief!), there is one primary thing I have learned: Everyone grieves differently. There is not a common experience of grieving. So far I have learned two lessons: (1) God is with me. God doesn't promise to keep us from harm or prevent bad things from happening. After all, we are mortal and fragile, living in a world that has been twisted out of shape by human decisions to attempt to live independently from God. However, since God's primary purpose for humanity is relational, God is with us, sharing our pain, weeping with us, providing comfort and a Comforter. (2) God is committed to bringing redemption into every area of our lives. God's nature of love is to redeem - to bring good out of bad, beauty out of ashes, joy out of mourning, ultimately life out of death. We can expect and look for redemptive opportunities in the midst of our grieving. For me, that means celebrating the blessings that flowed out of the life of the dear one, God's choice servant, that I now miss, giving witness to the ways God's grace and faithfulness worked in and through her life, learning from her example and growing as a result. And of course, redemption ultimately means that the immortality she is experience is my destiny as well.
September 17, 2018
Facebook posts
My spiritual roots have been planted by a well named Bible Temple/City Bible Church in Portland, Oregon since January, 1972. It is my spiritual home. Almost immediately after Lynda's funeral I began planning a trip "home" to spend time with my oldest and dearest friends as well as so many family members (cousins, niece, etc.). I feel the need to soak up the wonderful atmosphere of my home church, to be refreshed, renewed, and maybe reset. So I'm off, and will be reporting from the beautiful Pacific Northwest.
September 19, 2018
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Facebook post
I had a very joy-filled day. This morning there was the opportunity to do some work at my favorite neighborhood Starbucks on Fremont St., before driving around NE Portland. I was surprised at how much joy I was experiencing, until I realized that almost everywhere I went there were very happy memory of times with Lynda. Meeting with the PBC faculty was delightful. And then the Columbia River Gorge! We celebrated almost every wedding anniversary at the Multnomah Falls Lodge. While I have a true HOME that will make all of this pale in comparison, I was very blessed to have this sweet day in Portland.
Text message to Charity & James
Good morning, children. I'm teaching at PBC, speaking in chapel. Hope I remember how.
September 20, 2018
Journal entry
September 21, 2018
Text message to Charity & James
Just had a prayer meeting at Ken & Glenda's - a season of refreshing.
I forgot how powerful PBC Friday chapel is - almost overwhelming for dry and thirsty land. Standing next to Mark Jones was a special treat.
September 22, 2018
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September 23, 2018
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September 26, 2018
Facebook post
While speaking in the PBC Chapel I was recalling the times when young men approached me in the spring of the year, complaining of health issues. "I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't focus my mind." To which my response always was, "What's her name." Sometimes it was lack of sleep or too much junk food. Other times it really was the beginning responses of love. As I shared, I realized that loosing one's spouse is similar. Looking back after 47 years, seeing how much in love we were. "I can sleep. I can't eat. I can't focus my mind." Love always leaves a mark - but it's a good thing.
September 27, 2018
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One of the great joys of my trip back to the Pacific Northwest is the opportunity to visit with so many beloved family members. I got to spend part of an evening with Keith and Amy Hill (Amy is Bob and Neva's daughter) and their great daughters, Gabby and Izzy. I stayed with my cousin, Grayce Mitchell, her husband Rob, daughter Carrie and her great kids, Stephanie, Jesse and Carmella, for three days. It was fun being another granddad ("Papa/Uncle"). And the icing on the cake was Grayce and I driving from Seattle to Tacoma to spend part of an afternoon with another cousin, Linda Goff and her son Steven. It had actually been years since I saw Linda and spent any amount of time with my family. Thank you so much for your kind and generous hospitality. I love you all!
September 29, 2018
Text message to James
I have a home in Georgia where I buried your Mom's temporary body. I have a home in Florida with my folks and other family. There's no question that my spiritual home is Portland. And I have a HOME with Jesus, and with Lynda.
September 30, 2018
Facebook posts
In the Presence of the LORD... The veil is somehow thinner for me now.
What a blessing to spend part of the afternoon with more members of our family, Chris and Marianne Penwell. Chris is the brother of my wonderful daughter-in-law, Sarah Asplund. A great chance to catch up in Vancouver, WA! Thank you, Chris and Marianne.
October 1, 2018
Sat in on a PBC class and met with the librarian to discuss my future contributions to the library. I then visited with Lanny before going to lunch with him - Chinese. Getting ready for the trip home tomorrow. Attended the first night of the annual MFI conference - a bonus. A wonderful time of worship and great teaching from Frank. A good opportunity to visit with some old friends. A blessed visit, as I knew it would be. I rejoice in you, Father.
October 3, 2018
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October 3, 2018
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My two weeks with my closest friends and dear family members was just what the doctor ordered. A time of refreshing, healing and refocusing. The future seems brighter somehow - from mourning to joy! Thank you!
October 4, 2018
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I just want to say a big THANK YOU to my oldest and dearest friends, Ken & Glenda Malmin, who singlehandedly made my stay in Portland a wonderful, beautiful experience, one that will move my life forward into the next chapter. I love you both!
October 5, 2018
Facebook post
The grieving process seems a bit like an AA 12-step process. It's necessary to "work the steps" or to "do the hard work of grieving." Avoiding the process simply stuffs down traumatized memories and emotions, only to have them resurface in toxic ways. The goal is to journey "from mourning to joy," to process and then transform thoughts and emotions. While the experience is different for everyone, I have noticed a kind of pattern for me. The immediate time after the loss of someone very precious is a brief time of shock and "denial." Then soon it is all about processing negative emotions, with an inevitable focus on past negative memories. These memories are about the dying and death of a loved one and perhaps the weeks and months (if not years) our loved one suffered before their transition and Graduation. If grieving has been intentional (with a lot of help from friends and family and a good grief support group, even counseling if needed), a time will come when thoughts and emotions begin to shift to positive memories of the loved one with a growing attitude of gratitude toward the Lord for the awesome blessing of sharing our mortal adventure with our wonderful loved one (who is more found than lost). We turn in thanksgiving for God's mercy and faithful presence. Eventually the focus begins to move from the past to the future, with a growing fresh vision and an understanding of God's preferred future for our lives. I'm so blessed to have family and friends who prod me to continue moving forward on the journey. I see how easy it could be to "get stuck" at a certain point along the way. In the end, God is journeying with us, loving us, comforting us, healing us, taking us by the hand and leading us forward. It seems important to understand that God wastes nothing. The future will be built on all the blessings of the past. For now, it's important to draw near, wait and trust the Lord in the grief journey. All will be well in due time.
October 6, 2018
Worked in the kitchen, getting some items ready to donate. Started watching Shadowland but it brought back too memories and I had to stop. Though I walk through the Valley of the Shadow...you are with me, Lord.
October 8, 2018
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October 8, 2018
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Text message to Charity & James
I have been reflecting on the mercy of the Lord. I remember the day the ambulance took Mom to Hospice. She was not expected to live out the day, so we settled her into her room and I went to the funeral home to make arrangements. I remember sitting in the chair in her room all night, saying over and over again, "Merciful Father...Merciful Father...Merciful Father!" And he was merciful, giving us 10 days with her, then taking her Home. We can trust that mercy every day God gives us. We can rest.
October 9, 2018
Facebook post
One of the most important lessons I have learned during these months is the fact that I have absolutely no control over the timing of things. Our lives are in God's hands, and our very moments are in God's hands. I tend to be a compulsive planner, a compulsive chess player, always planning three or four moves ahead, considering the options and consequences. While planning is important, in the end, "if it's God's will" is the bottomline. Thinking we can control the timing of things ends up just being a waste of time, as well as potentially very frustrating. "Wait" is my new watchword.
October 10, 2018
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In the past I have commented on lessons learned from reflecting on the life of my precious wife, Lynda, especially her spiritual sensitivity, childlike trust in her Father, and especially her devotion to prayer as a normal lifestyle. I remember times when I told her about a conversation I had during the day and she would inevitably ask, "Did you pray with them?" Well.... "Then let's pray for them now." And we would join hands and she would pray. She had such confidence in her Lord that a response of prayer was simply assumed. Now I notice times when I might hang up from a phone conversation with someone and I think, "Lynda would not have hung up without praying for them." While I don't have a ministry of intercession, I remember what my good friend Mark Jones always says: "More prayer is better than less prayer." Now that I can't rely on Lynda to make up for my lack, I'm asking the Lord to increase my simple faith and response of prayer as a lifestyle.
October 11, 2018
A very rough night of sleep. I found myself grieving in a very raw way today – something that has not happened for weeks. I just really missed Lynda, and more than that, felt her absence and the need for her in my life. Charity texted me about Dominick – I know Lynda would be interceding all day for him. I remember Mom saying that she knew the moment when Lynda died because at that moment she know longer felt her prayers. In the end, it is the person of the Holy Spirit who is praying with and in us. I know the precious Paraclete of the Father is interceding for Dominick today. Working on Lynda’s Christmas memorial book. Thank you, sweet Comforter.
October 12, 2018
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October 12, 2018
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Text message to James
I was emotional and lonesome yesterday and today. Feeling your Mom's absence. I got used to being with people. My time living alone here in Georgia is not going to last long.
October 13, 2018
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Thank you, Jesus for the amazing, extravagant, extraordinary blessing of being intimately connected to the most awesome, sweet, wonderful girl I have ever met! Forever grateful for almost 48 years together!
October 14, 2018
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During worship this morning I remembered a conversation I had while in Portland. It was the first night of the MFI annual conference (my friend snuck me in) and we had a wonderful time of worship and Word. Afterward I had a conversation with a pastor and his wife who had been very important to our family when we lived there. When the missus saw me she said she had been thinking about Lynda during the worship time. She pointed to a specific spot at the alter and recounted the time when Lynda had prayed for her and given her a word that had changed her life. She then asked, "Is Lynda here tonight?" To which I responded, "I'm not entirely clear about that." (In fact, as heaven came down during worship I felt as though I sensed Lynda with us. How she loved/loves worship!) She then asked, "Where is she?" And I answered, "In heaven." You can imagine the look of surprise, but also the awareness of Lynda's profoundly important ministry during the long years of her life. It is a sweet memory. A happy memory. Thank you, Jesus!
"But you have come to Mount Zion, to the city of the living God, the heavenly Jerusalem. You have come to thousands upon thousands of angels in joyful assembly, to the church of the firstborn, whose names are written in heaven. You have come to God, the Judge of all, to the spirits of the righteous made perfect, to Jesus the mediator of a new covenant" (Hebrews 12:22-24).
Text message to Charity & James
This evening I told Nana and Papa that my next chapter will be in St. Augustine. I'm committed now.
Text message to Charity & James
This evening I told Nana and Papa that my next chapter will be in St. Augustine. I'm committed now.
October 16, 2018
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A strange thing happened to me last Thursday. When I woke up in the morning it felt as though my grieving journey was starting over again. The same painful sense of loss, a keen awareness of Lynda's absence, including the absence of her counsel and prayers, a feeling of disorientation. Although I have always been told that the experience of grief is not linear (more like a spiral), I didn't expect it and I didn't like it. By the end of the day on Sunday I was feeling better and was able to talk about what had just happened. I had a visit with my parents, telling them that grief and mourning had circled around and bit me in the butt again. My mom said, "Yes, and it will happen again." (I love my mom.) I would rather that life moved forward in an orderly, predictable way, in a straight line, with minimum of surprises. Oh well. As always, God's grace is sufficient for every step along the way.
My heart is with two giants of the faith and their families today. Kevin Conner and Eugene Peterson are in hospice care. I can almost picture them there, waiting and praying, praying and waiting. May the peace of God cover them like a blanket of love.
October 19, 2018
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I think I know why I wake up very early, anxious, heart pounding, disoriented, on the same morning every week. I think it's short-term anniversaryitis (if that's a word), called "Friday," the day Lynda passed on/over/through.
Happy Memory: Lynda had funny, cute nicknames for everyone and everything. Even our furniture had nicknames - my chair in the living room was "The Big Fluffy" and her chair was "Mrs Fluffy." Our car is "Sammy Sorento." Her nickname for our son James was "James E. Bugger Nose," or "B Nose" for short. Her name for me was "Little Man." She was a wonderful, creative, funny girl.
October 20, 2018
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Slept fairly well last night. Worked on moving preparation off-and-on all day. Visited with Charity about it on the phone. A cloudy, rainy, productive day. You are my strength, Father.
October 21, 2018
Journal entry
Mom and Dad’s 69th wedding anniversary. Decided to take an actual Sabbath today – no work. Up very early – couldn't sleep. Read until my alarm went off. Drove into Lagrange to gather at NCC. Drove back to Lagrange to meet with my small group. Shared with them my plan to sell the house and move to St. Augustine. Visited with Gary Welter about my planned move on the way home. Visited with Reggie, then Mom and Dad after I got home. I lean on you, Father.
October 23, 2018
Journal entry
Sorted through all our “stuff” off-and-on all day – my books, Lynda’s clothes, etc. Drove into Lagrange early to read at Starbucks before my Grief Share group. You are my hiding place, Father.
Facebook post
Reflecting on Lynda's deep faith and spiritual maturity continues to be a source of encouragement and instruction for me. Lately I have remembered that Lynda began every prayer with the exact same words. It didn't matter if she was giving thanks for a meal, preparing to drive somewhere, praying together before going to bed, or praying for a special need. Every prayer began with, "Thank you for your love and your mercy." For Lynda, these two qualities defined God and gave her the confidence to trust God in every situation. God is love, and God is mercy. That fact is the foundation of our faith and the basis of our personal trust and relationship with God.
Facebook post
We know that a sacred, covenant marriage has Christ at the center who has brought two people together and holds them together. It occurs to me that when one of the partners is called Home, the only thing that continues is Christ, and that is potentially a good thing, an opportunity to grow closer to Christ and make him the center in a new way.
Journal entry
I proposed marriage to Lynda on this day in 1970. Today is also the 4-month anniversary of Lynda’s passing. After lunch I mailed two more boxes of books to PBC and drove into Lagrange to begin the process of buying new carpet for the house. I’m not having any success selling the bed – I think I need to view it as a potential way of blessing someone. You are good, Father.
Facebook posts
It was on this day, October 29, 1970, that I proposed marriage to Lynda. I was unconventional and not romantic, so it was not a typical proposal. We were parked in my car, fellowshipping, when I said, "Why don't we get married?" And in Lynda-fashion she responded, "I'll think about it." And she did - for two weeks. Finally, on November 12 she said, "Yes." But I was disappointed in her expectation of an engagement ring. I was hoping she would accept my love beads as a sign of my commitment to her. Oh well - she was a "straight chick." Our untraditional partnership lasted nearly 48 years, and I am thankful for every day.
There was another anniversary today. Four months ago Lynda was called home. I miss her.
Facebook post
I had a wet but beautiful stay in the Amicalola Falls Lodge - one of Lynda and my favorite places in Georgia. It gave me a lot of time to rest and reflect. Once again my thoughts returned to my long and wonderful marriage and lessons learned. While regrets are futile - I can't turn back the time, nor would Lynda want me to - I believe I can, by God's grace, grow and do better in the future - not in a relationship with a future wife but in relationships with any human person God brings (or has brought) into my life. I reflected on the possibility to treating Lynda with more consistent honor and respect, never as an object, always valuing her perspective. I thought about the possibility of communicating more deeply about what she was thinking and feeling, her hopes, dreams and fears. Not that we didn't do that - I just see I could have been more intentional about in-depth, heart-to-heart personal communication. I feel safe and recommending these lessons to anyone in a significant relationship. It's not too late, we're not too old, to learn and grow - to the glory of God.
November 4, 2018
Text message to Charity & James
I had a happy dream early this morning. Your Mom touched me on the back, and when I turned around she grabbed me around the waist and held me tight. Then she said, "I love you." I kissed her on the forehead and said, "I love you and I miss you." And then I woke up with a wonderful sense of peace. I didn't really know what to think about it, so I just said, "Thank you, Lord."
Facebook post
Since I now live in my very own hermitage on a perpetual retreat, I have been reflecting on the spiritual disciplines. I'm learning that the "discipline of silence" is significantly about learning how to listen more deeply, learning to be attentive and present in the moment. Once again I am learning by reflecting on the spiritual maturity of my sweet Lynda. On the day Hospice sent an ambulance to pick Lynda up, she was in too much pain to move in the bed, let alone get up from the bed. The EMS folks were very careful and professional, moving her gently onto the gurney. Once she was settled Lynda immediately expressed her personal interest for those serving her. "What do you do when you get a really large person to pick up? Have you ever hurt your back?" etc. I must admit that in the moment I was primarily scared, just trying to survive, not thinking Lynda would live out the day. But not Lynda. Her focus was on the persons in her space in that moment. As you know, God was very merciful, giving us an additional 10 days with Lynda so many family members and friends could come and receive a blessing. Father, give me your heart for the precious people you bring into my life, attentive to your heart and voice in those sacred moments.
Facebook post
Lynda and I have long been fans of the work of Thomas Kincaid. When Lynda's heart failed in 1998, his work, "Bridge of Faith," seemed to be a picture of our future, and we took great comfort in it. We know where the road of faith ultimately leads us, but there are important stops along the way. "We walk by faith, not by sight."
November 18, 2018
During worship, I felt I heard the Lord say, “Come forth,” with reference to the story of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead (John 11:43). Coming out of the tomb Lazarus was “bound hand and foot with graveclothes,” and there was a need to “Loose him and let him go.” It’s still true that the memories of the final weeks with Lynda are the clearest in my mind, burned onto my memory, resulting in more sadness than I think the Lord wants for me at this point. Jesus desires to undo the graveclothes and release me into the new chapter he has planned for me. I’m ready. I will follow you, my Lord.
Ate breakfast and packed for the trip to Florida. Made good time, stopping along the way. Got to Charity and Ken’s around 3:00 and dropped off Christmas decorations and books. I then drove to Mom and Dad’s. Visited about my upcoming move to St. Augustine. I reflected on the fact that moving from negative to positive memories from the past with Lynda, while important, needs to move forward from here. While it doesn’t involve memories, Lynda has a present and a future. Lynda’s future does not include pain, sorry and death. Her future only includes life, perfect peace, fulness of joy, understanding, boldness, and glory. While I’m waiting with the Lord for my next chapter, I don’t want to “move on” but I want to “move forward” with the Lord and with Lynda. I’m asking for a new capacity, a new ability to share in the glory and the joy that is now her very life. I rejoice in you, Father.
Journal entry
Thanksgiving Day. Got ready for dinner and drove downtown to the Columbia where we met Charity and Ken, Debbie and Janel, and Thomas and Lisa. We toasted the missing members of our family: Ronny, Diana, Joey and Lynda. We then went to Mom and Dad’s to play Uno and eat pie. After everyone left we Skyped James and the family, then Reggie and Sandi. You are faithful, Father. Thank you!
Facebook post
I'm reflecting, on this Thanksgiving Day and every day, on how gratitude is a key to our spiritual life and health. We are encouraged to believe that giving God thanks from the heart is the foundation of our life before God (Romans 14:6). It is the grace of God and the Good News of God's grace that results in thanksgiving, to the glory of God (2 Corinthians 4:15; 9:11, 12). "Thanks be to God for his inexpressible gift!" (2 Corinthians 9:15). Our relationships are to be filled with expressions of thanksgiving (Ephesians 5:20). Our life of prayer is to include a large place for giving thanks (Philippians 4:6; Colossians 4:2). Of course, our personal relationship with God is to be filled with thanksgiving (Colossians 1:12; 2:7). In fact, everything we do as students and servants of the King is to be marked by thanksgiving (Colossians 3:17). In the end, Paul simply summarized it all by saying that we are to always give thanks to God, no matter what the circumstance (1 Thessalonians 5:18; 2 Thessalonians 1:3; 2:13). Everything is to be received from God - with thanksgiving (1 Timothy 4:4). And so, a very HAPPY THANKSGIVING to my wonderful family and friends. I thank God every day for you!
Journal entry
Up early to eat breakfast, pack and have a time of prayer with Mom and Dad. Very heavy traffic on the way home. Unpacked and had a light supper when I got home. It seemed hard to come back into an empty house – I think I do better when there is family close by. Touch your people once again, Father.
Text message to Charity & James
Facebook post
During the last few days I have been preparing to install new carpet in our house, and that has meant (among other things) going through bank boxes of Lynda's notebooks. While doing so, I was reminded of what a truly excellent student/scholar and teacher she was, beginning as a kindergarten teacher and then a college instructor. While most may remember her for her beauty and her positive, encouraging personality, she was also a highly intelligent person with very excellent communication, including public speaking, skills. She certainly instructed me on many occasions. Another reason to celebrate the extravagant gift that was Lynda. Thank you, Father!
Facebook post
I have saved the clothes Lynda wore most often. Someone has suggested that I get a "Memory Quilt" made from some of them. Does anyone know of a quilter who might be able to do something like that?
Facebook post
Christmas will be very different from me this year. I'm very much looking forward to spending it with my family in Texas. It occurs to me that for Lynda, being with Jesus where he is, seeing him as he is, being able to enjoy sweet fellowship with him face-to-face without the limitations of mortality, will be the ultimate Christmas experience. So...Merry Christmas, Sweetheart!
Facebook post
I got a festive Merry Christmas floral arrangement for Lynda’s grave. (I know. I’m pitiful!)
December 6, 2018
Facebook post
Thomas Aquinas is considered be one of the great "doctors of the church," a theologian so prominent his teachings are known as "Thomism." It was on December 6, 1273, that Thomas saw a vision of the Lord that brought all his work to a glorious conclusion. “Such things have been revealed to me that all that I have written seems to me as so much straw,” he is supposed to have said, and he refused to write any more. Three months later he died.
December 7, 2018
Facebook post
For several weeks I have been reflecting on the importance of hope. It's so easy to lose hope in the midst of chaos and pain. In fact, "hopelessness" is the root of so much depression. Since the first week in Advent is about hope, I thought I would take a moment to write down some thoughts about hope.
My short definition of hope is "a joyful expectation of the future." Hope is an active, positive, expectant want for God's preferred future. For that reason, hope is dependent on our faith. The writer to the Hebrews defined faith as "the substance of things hoped for" (11:1 KJV), "the assurance of things hoped for" (NAS). If we don't feel like we can trust God - trust God with our lives, to always do the right thing with our lives - than hope will remain beyond our grasp. Hope also assumes the presence of joy (a theme for week three).
Paul stated that his hope was in the glory of God (Romans 5:2) and encourages us to "be joyful in hope" (Romans 12:12). He went on to say that our God is a "God of hope" and prayed that his readers would "overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit" (Romans 15:13). Love always hopes, and with faith and love, hope is one of the three "theological virtues" of the Christian life (1 Corinthians 13:7, 13). At the same time, Paul also write that faith and love spring up from hope (Colossians 1:5). Indeed, we have been called by God to hope for "the riches of his glorious inheritance" (Ephesians 1:18). This kind of hope is really supernatural, made possible by the fact that Christ is in us by the Holy Spirit (Colossians 1:27). True hope is our "helmet of salvation" (1 Thessalonians 5:8), much needed in trying, confusing times.
So, my prayer is that, during this beautiful Advent season, while we marvel at the coming (and the return) of Jesus, we will ask the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with a new ability to trust and the hope that will follow. As Julian of Norwich famously wrote, “All shall be well, and all shall be well and all manner of thing shall be well.”
December 13, 2018
Journal entry
I feel the Lord showed me the need to “let Lynda go,” i.e., to see the broad and beautiful future before her as not necessarily connected to mine, to allow her to pursue her own portion of God’s eternal purpose. While I celebrate the gift Lynda was and the many gifts she has left behind, I too need to follow whatever path the Lord sets before me. I look to you, Father.
Facebook post
Since lighting the Advent Love Candle on Sunday I have been reflecting again on the nature, importance and power of God's love. That theme recurs to me often - I've long realized that almost every weakness and need in my life would be resolved if God's love was a more prominent part of my life. Human love tends to objectify people with a mix of self-centered motivations, from ego-gratification to self-indulgence. In fact, since self-centeredness is the essence of sin, it could be said that sin and God's love are exact opposites. (It could also be said that God's love and self-focused human love are exact opposites.)
The Bible case is profound but quite simple. "God is love." God created human beings with a unique capacity to receive and return God's love, freely and voluntarily. We were created for relationship - with God and with others. All of God's plans are relational at heart. All of God's methods are designed to foster relationship. Jesus taught that loving God and neighbor comprise the Great Commandment (Matthew 22:37-39). Paul wrote that we are to be "devoted to one another in love" (Romans 12:10) and that love is the fulfillment of the Law (Romans 13:10).
Paul also famously described the characteristics of this kind of love. "Love is patient...kind...does not envy...does not boast...is not proud...does not dishonor others...is not self-seeking...is not easily angered...keeps no record of wrongs...does not delight in evil...rejoices with the truth...always protects...always trusts...always hopes...always perseveres...never fails" (1 Corinthians 13:4-8).
The greatest act of God's self-giving was sending his completely unique Son to be one of us, to build a bridge back to the heart of God with his own life, and to describe and model that new relationship. It boggles the mind! And yet, that is the reason Christmas is such a source of joy. May God's love, "poured into our hearts by the Holy Spirit" (Romans 5:5) grow and grow until the loving character of our Lord shines forth in and through our lives.
Journal entry
Slept fairly well last night. Worked on moving preparation off-and-on all day. Visited with Charity about it on the phone. A cloudy, rainy, productive day. You are my strength, Father.
October 21, 2018
Journal entry
Mom and Dad’s 69th wedding anniversary. Decided to take an actual Sabbath today – no work. Up very early – couldn't sleep. Read until my alarm went off. Drove into Lagrange to gather at NCC. Drove back to Lagrange to meet with my small group. Shared with them my plan to sell the house and move to St. Augustine. Visited with Gary Welter about my planned move on the way home. Visited with Reggie, then Mom and Dad after I got home. I lean on you, Father.
October 23, 2018
Journal entry
Sorted through all our “stuff” off-and-on all day – my books, Lynda’s clothes, etc. Drove into Lagrange early to read at Starbucks before my Grief Share group. You are my hiding place, Father.
Facebook post
Reflecting on Lynda's deep faith and spiritual maturity continues to be a source of encouragement and instruction for me. Lately I have remembered that Lynda began every prayer with the exact same words. It didn't matter if she was giving thanks for a meal, preparing to drive somewhere, praying together before going to bed, or praying for a special need. Every prayer began with, "Thank you for your love and your mercy." For Lynda, these two qualities defined God and gave her the confidence to trust God in every situation. God is love, and God is mercy. That fact is the foundation of our faith and the basis of our personal trust and relationship with God.
October 25, 2018
Journal entry
After lunch I prepared the bed for sale, took pictures and posted them on the FB Marketplace. Went through the Christmas decorations, setting most of them aside for Charity. Edited the picture book of Lynda and ordered several copies. I delight myself in you, Father.
October 28, 2018
Journal entry
After lunch I prepared the bed for sale, took pictures and posted them on the FB Marketplace. Went through the Christmas decorations, setting most of them aside for Charity. Edited the picture book of Lynda and ordered several copies. I delight myself in you, Father.
October 28, 2018
Facebook post
We know that a sacred, covenant marriage has Christ at the center who has brought two people together and holds them together. It occurs to me that when one of the partners is called Home, the only thing that continues is Christ, and that is potentially a good thing, an opportunity to grow closer to Christ and make him the center in a new way.
October 29, 2018
Journal entry
I proposed marriage to Lynda on this day in 1970. Today is also the 4-month anniversary of Lynda’s passing. After lunch I mailed two more boxes of books to PBC and drove into Lagrange to begin the process of buying new carpet for the house. I’m not having any success selling the bed – I think I need to view it as a potential way of blessing someone. You are good, Father.
Facebook posts
It was on this day, October 29, 1970, that I proposed marriage to Lynda. I was unconventional and not romantic, so it was not a typical proposal. We were parked in my car, fellowshipping, when I said, "Why don't we get married?" And in Lynda-fashion she responded, "I'll think about it." And she did - for two weeks. Finally, on November 12 she said, "Yes." But I was disappointed in her expectation of an engagement ring. I was hoping she would accept my love beads as a sign of my commitment to her. Oh well - she was a "straight chick." Our untraditional partnership lasted nearly 48 years, and I am thankful for every day.
There was another anniversary today. Four months ago Lynda was called home. I miss her.
October 31, 2018
Text message to James
Today is the 4 month anniversary - how are you doing? I'm a bit weepy today, but with good not painful thoughts. Thankful.
Text message to James
Today is the 4 month anniversary - how are you doing? I'm a bit weepy today, but with good not painful thoughts. Thankful.
Text message to Charity & James
I'm heading out of town tomorrow for a brief visit to the Blue Ridge Mountains - Amicalola Falls Lodge - to enjoy the fall colors. It was the closest thing Mom and I could find to the Pacific NW. I'll send pictures.
October 30, 2018
Journal entry
Didn’t sleep well last night. Merciful Father. Worked on packing more books as well as kitchen items off-and-on all day. Packing in preparation for selling the home and moving is hard but necessary. I depend on you, Father.
October 31, 2018
Journal entry
After lunch I drove into Lagrange to visit Lynda’s grave and buy moving supplies. Finished preparing donations for a homeless shelter. Getting ready for my trip tomorrow. You are my joy, Father.
November 3, 2018
Journal entry
Didn’t sleep well last night. Merciful Father. Worked on packing more books as well as kitchen items off-and-on all day. Packing in preparation for selling the home and moving is hard but necessary. I depend on you, Father.
October 31, 2018
Journal entry
After lunch I drove into Lagrange to visit Lynda’s grave and buy moving supplies. Finished preparing donations for a homeless shelter. Getting ready for my trip tomorrow. You are my joy, Father.
November 3, 2018
Facebook post
I had a wet but beautiful stay in the Amicalola Falls Lodge - one of Lynda and my favorite places in Georgia. It gave me a lot of time to rest and reflect. Once again my thoughts returned to my long and wonderful marriage and lessons learned. While regrets are futile - I can't turn back the time, nor would Lynda want me to - I believe I can, by God's grace, grow and do better in the future - not in a relationship with a future wife but in relationships with any human person God brings (or has brought) into my life. I reflected on the possibility to treating Lynda with more consistent honor and respect, never as an object, always valuing her perspective. I thought about the possibility of communicating more deeply about what she was thinking and feeling, her hopes, dreams and fears. Not that we didn't do that - I just see I could have been more intentional about in-depth, heart-to-heart personal communication. I feel safe and recommending these lessons to anyone in a significant relationship. It's not too late, we're not too old, to learn and grow - to the glory of God.
November 4, 2018
Text message to Charity & James
I had a happy dream early this morning. Your Mom touched me on the back, and when I turned around she grabbed me around the waist and held me tight. Then she said, "I love you." I kissed her on the forehead and said, "I love you and I miss you." And then I woke up with a wonderful sense of peace. I didn't really know what to think about it, so I just said, "Thank you, Lord."
November 5, 2018
Journal entry
Journal entry
Slept well last night. Breakfast and a time of prayer. Caught up with my emails. Provided some blog verbiage for CLST. Mailed two more boxes of books to the PBC library. Participated in MDL discussions. After lunch I wrote weekly announcements and recorded videos for the MDL classes. Got the bed ready to deliver. Arthur came over with his truck to help Andrew and I move the bed to his place in Manchester. We took the scenic route. I had a quick dinner and drove into Lagrange for the Service of Remembrance at St. Mark’s Episcopal. Posted my announcements when I got home. Read and rested. My life is hidden in you, Father.
November 8, 2018
November 8, 2018
Facebook post
Since I now live in my very own hermitage on a perpetual retreat, I have been reflecting on the spiritual disciplines. I'm learning that the "discipline of silence" is significantly about learning how to listen more deeply, learning to be attentive and present in the moment. Once again I am learning by reflecting on the spiritual maturity of my sweet Lynda. On the day Hospice sent an ambulance to pick Lynda up, she was in too much pain to move in the bed, let alone get up from the bed. The EMS folks were very careful and professional, moving her gently onto the gurney. Once she was settled Lynda immediately expressed her personal interest for those serving her. "What do you do when you get a really large person to pick up? Have you ever hurt your back?" etc. I must admit that in the moment I was primarily scared, just trying to survive, not thinking Lynda would live out the day. But not Lynda. Her focus was on the persons in her space in that moment. As you know, God was very merciful, giving us an additional 10 days with Lynda so many family members and friends could come and receive a blessing. Father, give me your heart for the precious people you bring into my life, attentive to your heart and voice in those sacred moments.
November 10, 2018
Journal post
I tried having a “Sabbath” from 6:00 last evening to 6:00 this evening, not doing any work. I ended up fighting anxiety and depression. When I jumped back into work I felt better. I don’t think I’m doing as well as I think I am. You are all I need, Father.
November 13, 2018
Journal post
I tried having a “Sabbath” from 6:00 last evening to 6:00 this evening, not doing any work. I ended up fighting anxiety and depression. When I jumped back into work I felt better. I don’t think I’m doing as well as I think I am. You are all I need, Father.
November 13, 2018
Facebook post
Lynda and I have long been fans of the work of Thomas Kincaid. When Lynda's heart failed in 1998, his work, "Bridge of Faith," seemed to be a picture of our future, and we took great comfort in it. We know where the road of faith ultimately leads us, but there are important stops along the way. "We walk by faith, not by sight."
"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart" (Ecclesiastes 3:11).
November 18, 2018
Journal entry
November 19, 2018
Journal entry
November 22, 2018
Journal entry
Thanksgiving Day. Got ready for dinner and drove downtown to the Columbia where we met Charity and Ken, Debbie and Janel, and Thomas and Lisa. We toasted the missing members of our family: Ronny, Diana, Joey and Lynda. We then went to Mom and Dad’s to play Uno and eat pie. After everyone left we Skyped James and the family, then Reggie and Sandi. You are faithful, Father. Thank you!
Facebook post
I'm reflecting, on this Thanksgiving Day and every day, on how gratitude is a key to our spiritual life and health. We are encouraged to believe that giving God thanks from the heart is the foundation of our life before God (Romans 14:6). It is the grace of God and the Good News of God's grace that results in thanksgiving, to the glory of God (2 Corinthians 4:15; 9:11, 12). "Thanks be to God for his inexpressible gift!" (2 Corinthians 9:15). Our relationships are to be filled with expressions of thanksgiving (Ephesians 5:20). Our life of prayer is to include a large place for giving thanks (Philippians 4:6; Colossians 4:2). Of course, our personal relationship with God is to be filled with thanksgiving (Colossians 1:12; 2:7). In fact, everything we do as students and servants of the King is to be marked by thanksgiving (Colossians 3:17). In the end, Paul simply summarized it all by saying that we are to always give thanks to God, no matter what the circumstance (1 Thessalonians 5:18; 2 Thessalonians 1:3; 2:13). Everything is to be received from God - with thanksgiving (1 Timothy 4:4). And so, a very HAPPY THANKSGIVING to my wonderful family and friends. I thank God every day for you!
November 24, 2018
Journal entry
Up early to eat breakfast, pack and have a time of prayer with Mom and Dad. Very heavy traffic on the way home. Unpacked and had a light supper when I got home. It seemed hard to come back into an empty house – I think I do better when there is family close by. Touch your people once again, Father.
Text message to Charity & James
It was great being with family this week. I find that it's heard coming back to an empty house. I think I'll do better when I live close to family. I'm looking forward to Christmas in Texas. I love you two!
November 26, 2018
Journal entry
After lunch I cleaned the garage and finished work on my book manuscript. I then drove into Lagrange, buying a Christmas floral arrangement for Lynda’s grave and bringing it to the cemetery. I then went to Kemp Carpet and made and began making arrangements for the installation of new carpet. Dropped off some items at Good Will. Communicated with the kids about carpet samples. I rely on your love, Father.
November 28, 2018
Journal entry
Vic from Kemp Carpet came by, measured the space and I picked out a carpet. I then had a quick lunch and drove into Columbus. Dropped some kitchen items off at the office. Did some Christmas shopping and bought some groceries. Mom called to say that Dad’s cardiologist appointment showed an EF of 30 with consistent A-fib. His heart is failing. Texted a prayer request to the kids. Our lives are in your hands, Father.
Text message to Charity & James
Dad found out on Monday that his heart is failing with A-fib and an EF of 30. He took a nap and then went back to the jail - exactly what he needed to do. Unfortunately, I know a lot about that challenge and hope to be helpful when I move down there. Let's remember Dad and Mon in our prayers.
November 26, 2018
Journal entry
After lunch I cleaned the garage and finished work on my book manuscript. I then drove into Lagrange, buying a Christmas floral arrangement for Lynda’s grave and bringing it to the cemetery. I then went to Kemp Carpet and made and began making arrangements for the installation of new carpet. Dropped off some items at Good Will. Communicated with the kids about carpet samples. I rely on your love, Father.
November 28, 2018
Journal entry
Vic from Kemp Carpet came by, measured the space and I picked out a carpet. I then had a quick lunch and drove into Columbus. Dropped some kitchen items off at the office. Did some Christmas shopping and bought some groceries. Mom called to say that Dad’s cardiologist appointment showed an EF of 30 with consistent A-fib. His heart is failing. Texted a prayer request to the kids. Our lives are in your hands, Father.
Text message to Charity & James
Dad found out on Monday that his heart is failing with A-fib and an EF of 30. He took a nap and then went back to the jail - exactly what he needed to do. Unfortunately, I know a lot about that challenge and hope to be helpful when I move down there. Let's remember Dad and Mon in our prayers.
November 29, 2018
Facebook post
During the last few days I have been preparing to install new carpet in our house, and that has meant (among other things) going through bank boxes of Lynda's notebooks. While doing so, I was reminded of what a truly excellent student/scholar and teacher she was, beginning as a kindergarten teacher and then a college instructor. While most may remember her for her beauty and her positive, encouraging personality, she was also a highly intelligent person with very excellent communication, including public speaking, skills. She certainly instructed me on many occasions. Another reason to celebrate the extravagant gift that was Lynda. Thank you, Father!
November 30, 2018
Facebook post
I have saved the clothes Lynda wore most often. Someone has suggested that I get a "Memory Quilt" made from some of them. Does anyone know of a quilter who might be able to do something like that?
December 2, 2018
Facebook post
Christmas will be very different from me this year. I'm very much looking forward to spending it with my family in Texas. It occurs to me that for Lynda, being with Jesus where he is, seeing him as he is, being able to enjoy sweet fellowship with him face-to-face without the limitations of mortality, will be the ultimate Christmas experience. So...Merry Christmas, Sweetheart!
December 4, 2018
Facebook post
I got a festive Merry Christmas floral arrangement for Lynda’s grave. (I know. I’m pitiful!)
December 6, 2018
Facebook post
December 7, 2018
Facebook post
My short definition of hope is "a joyful expectation of the future." Hope is an active, positive, expectant want for God's preferred future. For that reason, hope is dependent on our faith. The writer to the Hebrews defined faith as "the substance of things hoped for" (11:1 KJV), "the assurance of things hoped for" (NAS). If we don't feel like we can trust God - trust God with our lives, to always do the right thing with our lives - than hope will remain beyond our grasp. Hope also assumes the presence of joy (a theme for week three).
Paul stated that his hope was in the glory of God (Romans 5:2) and encourages us to "be joyful in hope" (Romans 12:12). He went on to say that our God is a "God of hope" and prayed that his readers would "overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit" (Romans 15:13). Love always hopes, and with faith and love, hope is one of the three "theological virtues" of the Christian life (1 Corinthians 13:7, 13). At the same time, Paul also write that faith and love spring up from hope (Colossians 1:5). Indeed, we have been called by God to hope for "the riches of his glorious inheritance" (Ephesians 1:18). This kind of hope is really supernatural, made possible by the fact that Christ is in us by the Holy Spirit (Colossians 1:27). True hope is our "helmet of salvation" (1 Thessalonians 5:8), much needed in trying, confusing times.
So, my prayer is that, during this beautiful Advent season, while we marvel at the coming (and the return) of Jesus, we will ask the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with a new ability to trust and the hope that will follow. As Julian of Norwich famously wrote, “All shall be well, and all shall be well and all manner of thing shall be well.”
December 13, 2018
Journal entry
I feel the Lord showed me the need to “let Lynda go,” i.e., to see the broad and beautiful future before her as not necessarily connected to mine, to allow her to pursue her own portion of God’s eternal purpose. While I celebrate the gift Lynda was and the many gifts she has left behind, I too need to follow whatever path the Lord sets before me. I look to you, Father.
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Since lighting the Advent Love Candle on Sunday I have been reflecting again on the nature, importance and power of God's love. That theme recurs to me often - I've long realized that almost every weakness and need in my life would be resolved if God's love was a more prominent part of my life. Human love tends to objectify people with a mix of self-centered motivations, from ego-gratification to self-indulgence. In fact, since self-centeredness is the essence of sin, it could be said that sin and God's love are exact opposites. (It could also be said that God's love and self-focused human love are exact opposites.)
The Bible case is profound but quite simple. "God is love." God created human beings with a unique capacity to receive and return God's love, freely and voluntarily. We were created for relationship - with God and with others. All of God's plans are relational at heart. All of God's methods are designed to foster relationship. Jesus taught that loving God and neighbor comprise the Great Commandment (Matthew 22:37-39). Paul wrote that we are to be "devoted to one another in love" (Romans 12:10) and that love is the fulfillment of the Law (Romans 13:10).
Paul also famously described the characteristics of this kind of love. "Love is patient...kind...does not envy...does not boast...is not proud...does not dishonor others...is not self-seeking...is not easily angered...keeps no record of wrongs...does not delight in evil...rejoices with the truth...always protects...always trusts...always hopes...always perseveres...never fails" (1 Corinthians 13:4-8).
The greatest act of God's self-giving was sending his completely unique Son to be one of us, to build a bridge back to the heart of God with his own life, and to describe and model that new relationship. It boggles the mind! And yet, that is the reason Christmas is such a source of joy. May God's love, "poured into our hearts by the Holy Spirit" (Romans 5:5) grow and grow until the loving character of our Lord shines forth in and through our lives.
December 14, 2018
Text message to Charity & James
I have been in contact with John Michael Talbot and the Little Portion Monastery since Mom went Home. I always told your Mom that I would be no good on my own and would probably join a monastery when she died (or not). Anyway, they sent me a lovely Christmas box "wrapped in swaddling cloths." It contains items from their bakery. I plan on bringing some items with me. Let me know if you have a preference.
December 15, 2018
Text message to Charity & James
I have been in contact with John Michael Talbot and the Little Portion Monastery since Mom went Home. I always told your Mom that I would be no good on my own and would probably join a monastery when she died (or not). Anyway, they sent me a lovely Christmas box "wrapped in swaddling cloths." It contains items from their bakery. I plan on bringing some items with me. Let me know if you have a preference.
December 15, 2018
Journal entry
Got dressed for the Memorial Service at Higgins – went in early to get a couple of packing items. A good service, acknowledging those who have passed this last year. It seemed to restart some mourning – a lot of weeping in the room. You are my joy, Father.
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December 17, 2018
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True joy is a powerful thing. While it is a state that is available to human beings, it seems to be uniquely divine. It was said that Jesus was "full of joy through the Holy Spirit" (Luke 10:21). Joy is a fruit of the presence and activity of the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:22). Paul prayed that believers would be filled with, peace and hope "by the power of the Holy Spirit" (Romans 15:13). Jesus was said to have been anointed "with the oil of joy above his companions (Hebrews 1:9). Understandably, the birth of Jesus was bathed in joy (Luke 1:44; 2:10).
So, what is joy? As we know, true joy is often compared to happiness, a temporary emotional response to a brief circumstance. The joy that God is known for is much deeper and more permanent. Joy is connected to the spirit of hope and a deep, inner confidence that God is in control. Joy is really an almost overwhelming sense that all is well, that God is with us and that God's loving purpose will surround us as we put our trust in him.
I love the fact that Jesus was committed to his followers sharing his own joy (John 15:11; 16:24; 17:13). The apostles shared the concern that the followers of Jesus would share in joy (Romans 12:12; 1 John 1:4). The kingdom of God is to be known for its righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit (Romans 14:17). Those who have come under the rule of that Kingdom will also be known for joy, even in the midst of challenging circumstances.
I know you won't object to my mention of the fact that Lynda was known for her joy and spirit of gratitude. People loved to do even simple nice things for her or say nice things so they could see her immediate, excited expression of joy and thankfulness. To the end her life overflowed with joy, making it a delight to spend any time with her. During the last 3 years she would occasionally say, "Stupid body - when do I get my new body?!" Well...you have it, SBG! And now, yours is the fullness of joy promised by our Lord, indeed, "joy unspeakable and full of glory!"
That is the destiny of each one of us. During this Advent season may we ask God to baptize us in the joy of the Holy Spirit. Even when times are hard, may we know a deep, overwhelming sense that God is with us, passionate about the well-being of our souls, and that all is and will for ever be well!
So, what is joy? As we know, true joy is often compared to happiness, a temporary emotional response to a brief circumstance. The joy that God is known for is much deeper and more permanent. Joy is connected to the spirit of hope and a deep, inner confidence that God is in control. Joy is really an almost overwhelming sense that all is well, that God is with us and that God's loving purpose will surround us as we put our trust in him.
I love the fact that Jesus was committed to his followers sharing his own joy (John 15:11; 16:24; 17:13). The apostles shared the concern that the followers of Jesus would share in joy (Romans 12:12; 1 John 1:4). The kingdom of God is to be known for its righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit (Romans 14:17). Those who have come under the rule of that Kingdom will also be known for joy, even in the midst of challenging circumstances.
I know you won't object to my mention of the fact that Lynda was known for her joy and spirit of gratitude. People loved to do even simple nice things for her or say nice things so they could see her immediate, excited expression of joy and thankfulness. To the end her life overflowed with joy, making it a delight to spend any time with her. During the last 3 years she would occasionally say, "Stupid body - when do I get my new body?!" Well...you have it, SBG! And now, yours is the fullness of joy promised by our Lord, indeed, "joy unspeakable and full of glory!"
That is the destiny of each one of us. During this Advent season may we ask God to baptize us in the joy of the Holy Spirit. Even when times are hard, may we know a deep, overwhelming sense that God is with us, passionate about the well-being of our souls, and that all is and will for ever be well!
December 20, 2018
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December 29, 2018
Journal entry
Fifth Day of Christmas. Six month anniversary of Lynda’s welcome home party. James and I went to breakfast. Had a prayer and said Goodbye to the family. I’m looking forward to getting back home tomorrow, even though I anticipate making a new home in the new year. I look to you, Father.
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December 31, 2018
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And in order to really understand the signficance of that announcement, it is necessary to see peace as so much more than the absence of conflict or a warm, calm feeling. I love the Old Testament word for peace. "Shalom" is an extravagant word that includes balance, wholeness and harmony. It is related to the great idea (and promise) of "rest." It is integrity and coherence in every area of life.
The final words of the priestly blessing were, "and give you peace" (Numbers 6:26). Shalom is something that only the Lord can bless his people with (Psalm 29:11). Peace is promised to those who love God's "torah" (Psalm 119:165) and those who trust in the Lord (Isaiah 26:3). The angels announcing the birth of the Messiah promised peace on earth (Luke 2:14). At the last supper Jesus declared, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you" (John 14:27). After his resurrection, Jesus always greeted his followers with, "Peace be with you" (John 20:19, 21, 26). Peace is both a mark of God's Kingdom (Romans 14:17) and a fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22). I am often reminded that Lynda's favorite "breath prayer" up to and including her final days was, "Bring peace." Peace comes as we are convinced that the faithful hand of the Lord is resting on us and that we can trust him to do the right thing in our lives.
When Isaiah prophesied that the Messiah would come as the Prince of Peace, he promised, "Of the greatness of his government and peace there will be no end" (9:6-7). Isaiah also prophesied, "The fruit of...righteousness will be peace; its effect will be quietness and confidence forever" (32:17), and "Those who walk uprightly enter into peace; they find rest as they lie in death" (57:2). If there is anything our souls and our world needs it is true peace. May we find our way into God's peaceful abode in the new year.
Text message to Charity & James
While thinking about this past year I remembered an interesting experience. A dear friend of ours came over to the house to help me pick out carpet. The samples were on the floor in the bedroom. When she walked in she remarked, "There's something different about this room." I pointed to the chair where Mom spent countless hours worshiping and praying. I said, "It's that chair." The closer she got to it the more she was able to confirm what she was feeling. I knew then it wasn't just my emotionalism or sentimentality. Every night before going to bed I sit in Mom's chair and pray. Prayer is more powerful than we know it is Mom's legacy. Let's live in the legacy by praying for each other and the next generation of Asplunds.
January 3, 2019
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I'm staying at the Mountain Top Inn on Pine Mountain while new carpet is being installed in the house (it's a two-day job). I'm beginning to make preparations to sell the house. Staying in the Inn brings back the clear memory from March 2007. A tornado had hit our apartment complex in Columbus on March 1, doing considerable damage and knocking the power out for days. Eventually, desperate for hot water, we checked into the Inn for a couple of days. While here Lynda found on the internet a new house for sale that she loved, and it happened to be just below the Inn. So, on the way back to Columbus we found that house, and as we drove up to it, it stood out like a beacon in the neighborhood. Lynda immediately said, "That's my house!" When we got back to town I had my friend and colleague make an offer on the house, which was accepted and a loan approved within 10 days. By the end of the month we had moved in. Now that I anticipate selling it, even though it no longer feels like "home," I don't take the great blessing it has been to us during these 12 years. Although I bought it for Lynda, it has been a wonderful blessing to me as well. It is a very pretty house in a pretty, quiet lake community, tucked away in the woods on Pine Mountain. It is quiet, peaceful and safe. I will always be very grateful to the Lord for the wonderful blessing of this home in west central Georgia. It is with mixed feelings that I anticipate its sale and a move, but I am very aware that it is ultimately not my Home, and that my pilgrimage must now carry me to the next stop along the way. Thank you for your prayers for a good sale and for God to bless the ones he wants to be the next occupants of this wonderful place.
January 5, 2019
Text message to Charity & James
I was blindsided by a wave of grief this evening. Nevertheless, it is well with my soul, "10,000 Reasons." I love you both.
January 10, 2019
Text message to Charity & James
Your Mom lived continuously in the overflow, and as long as she was alive, it was enough. Since her Promotion, I've noticed how dry I am. It was wonderful to have a time of refreshing in Portland, standing under the waterfall for awhile.
January 17, 2019
Journal entry
Up coughing again in the night. Finally gave up and got up. Drove into Lagrange for a meeting with F.L.I. Properties, only to find out that the agent was driving to my house. Got caught in cold rainy coming and going. The agent likes our house and set a time next Tuesday to go over the detail of a listing. Asthma kicked in, making it hard to concentrate. Read, rest and coughed. You are my hiding place, Father.
January 19, 2019
Text message to Charity & James
I'm making final preparations to list the house for sale. The first meeting was Thursday and it becomes final and official next Tuesday. I'm finding it a bit stressful, hard. It's the last step in the process of viewing the house as our home to viewing it as a thing to be sold. While I know it's necessary and what the Lord wants, and while I've begun to look forward to the next chapter, it still feels hard.
January 20, 2019
Journal entry
Had breakfast and a time of prayer before picking Arthur and Carrie up for our drive to Atlanta. When we arrived at Tri-Cities Church in East Point the power had been knocked out by last night’s storm and the church was cold and dark. Nevertheless, the church basement was full of those who had come to eat breakfast and fellowship around welcoming their new pastor and his family, the Hardwicks. There was a great time of acapella worship from a very anointed worship pastor and team. In fact, during worship it was almost as though I saw incense ascending toward heaven, not only from our gathering but from gatherings all over the world. As the incense reached heaven, I saw angels dancing and twirling and singing for joy. And in the midst of the angels… Rejoicing!... Celebrating!... Overflowing with joy! Lynda! How Lynda loved(s) worship! Your Presence is heaven, Father.
January 22, 2019
Journal entry
After lunch I did some chores around the house and outside with final preparation for listing the house in mind. Drove into Lagrange to meet with Kendall at F.L.I. and signed the papers needed to list the house. I delight in you following you, Father.
January 27, 2019
Journal entry
A young family came by to look at the house. They used to live across the street and seem very interested – a godly family. I rejoice in you, Father.
January 28, 2019
Journal entry
Up very early for breakfast and prayer before an agent for Allied Van Lines came over to inventory our furnishings. I ended up signing a contract to move all our belongs to St. Augustine for less than I thought it was going to be. Received an offer on the house and made a counter offer. I rest in you, Father.
January 29, 2019
Journal entry
The seven-month anniversary of Lynda’s home-going. Drove into Columbus to buy some packing supplies at Allied. Did some packing when I got home. Received a counter offer from the buyers which I accepted. The home is sold – closing is Feb. 22. What a journey – I just want to stay close to the Lord during the process. Called Mom and Dad to let them know their prayers had been answered. You are my strength, Father.
January 30, 2019
Text message to Charity & James
The house sold on the 7th anniversary of Mom's homegoing. Life goes on for both of us.
February 2, 2019
Facebook post
No matter where I go or what I do, you will always be in my heart! I love you always and for forever. "Until heaven, and then forever."
February 4, 2019
Facebook post
I've had to fill out the first forms that require me to declare myself to be "single." I even had to provide a death certificate to prove it. Is it OK that I don't feel "single"? I was thinking about how the combination of Lynda and my DNA resulted in two wonderful human beings, Charity Asplund Toombs and James Asplund. In a similar way, our lives became intimately "entangled" (in the best sense), resulting in each of us changing into a different person than we would have been if our lives had never interconnected. It's not possible for me to go forward as if the imprint of Lynda is not a permanent part of my life. I will be "single" in the next chapter of my life, but Lynda will continue to be a vitally important part of that chapter.
February 5, 2019
Journal entry
Up early this morning to prepare for the home inspection. Some bats were found in the attic above the garage, which I arranged to have removed. The Knox crew came by for an inspection. I then reported to the Harris Co. Health Dept. Drove into Lagrange to run errands and get more packing material – stopped by Lynda’s grave on the way in. Packing and preparation for my trip to Montana. I’m believing the Lord for renewal and impartation. I seek you glory, Father.
February 14, 2019
Journal entry
Valentine’s Day. Put a new spring floral arrangement on Lynda’s grave. Closing is one week from tomorrow. Made my first appointment in St. Augustine. You are my home and my family, Father.
Text message to Charity & James
(RE why I put Valentine's Day flowers on Lynda's grave) Our connection is eternal and real, not just because her impact on my life is permanent but because God's Spirit is in and with both of us - and you. I honor her grave as a visible and public way of honoring her.
February 17, 2019
Journal entry
Up early for breakfast before driving into Lagrange to gather at NCC, praying along the way. Visited after the service to say Good Bye to my Georgia family. I then went with the Clarks to visit Lynda’s grave – I entrusted the various floral arrangements to them. We then visited the grave of Arthur’s mother in Pine Mountain. We ate an excellent lunch at the Country Store before saying our Until Next Time. Drove back to Lagrange to attend my last small group meeting. They presented me with a going away gift. We had a good discussion together. Visited with Mom and Dad when I got home. You are my hiding place, Father.
February 18, 2019
Text message to Charity & James
The house felt empty before It's really empty now. Looking forward to moving into the next chapter.
February 20, 2019
Journal entry
I drove into Columbus for devotions at the CLST office and lunch with the staff. During lunch I received communication from the closing lawyer, Janice Mallory, that Lynda’s will had not been “probated” and that I therefore did not have the authority to sell our home. I drove straight to the lawyer’s office in Hamilton. I hired her to do the probating, but it will add at least a week to the closing process. Communicated with the family, the buyers and Allied. I decided to take advantage of the lack of a Friday closing to drive to St. Augustine tomorrow to rent a place over the weekend. If successful, I will maintain the plan to move my furniture next week. I will follow you, Father.
February 22, 2019
Journal entry
Up early in St. Augustine to pray and have breakfast. Headed out early to meet with two real estate agents. The second one was by far the best one and just slightly more rent. I filled out the form for the HOA and the agent, paying fees, etc. I will sign a lease on the way out of town on Monday and move in on Thursday. Leased a storage unit before catching up on some work at B&N. Communicated my progress to family, etc. Got word that the closing may happen early than anyone thought. Soon and very soon… I delight in following you, Lord.
February 24, 2019
Facebook post
Casting out on my own is opening a new chapter in my life. At the same time, it makes me miss Lynda more than ever. She will always be with me, no matter where I go.
Woke up feeling vulnerability and temptation. Lynda and I often discussed my feeling that we had been in “the wilderness” since moving to Georgia. We had many confirmations that the move in 2006 was the Lord’s will, so it was the Holy Spirit that led us into the wilderness. The result was a constant feeling of being “uncovered” and vulnerable to temptation and character weakness. On the other hand, that exposure showed the need to go deeper and allow the Lord to bring new spiritual growth. I honestly don’t feel I’ve made much progress in the ensuing years, and since Lynda’s passing I have felt even weaker and more exposed. Somehow I believe my sojourn in Florida needs to be a more intensive time of spiritual formation, new depth and new victory, from glory to glory. Florida seems an odd place for that to happen, so I’m trust the Lord to cover me, lead me, and stamp the image of Jesus on my heart and life in a new way. I believe that will be somehow necessary before my eventual return to Portland. After a time of prayer with Mom and Dad I drove to Century 21 and signed my lease for the condo. I then drove back to Georgia, communicating with my attorney and agent along the way. I have an appointment in the morning in the Probate Court. I surrender to you, Father.
Had a time of prayer and did some packing before driving to Hamilton to meet my attorney and the Probate Judge. I took an oath and the process of probating Lynda’s will was complete. Kudos to James and Charity for making it a quick, easy process. I then ate lunch in Pine Mountain and processed a forwarding address at the post office. Cancelled my utilities in Pine Mountain and began signing up for utilities in Florida, beginning with the electric. More packing. Back to Hamilton for the closing – a 3 hour process. I then went to dinner at a local pizza buffet with the buyers and their family – evidently an unusual celebration. Called Mom and Dad with a report. Signed up for internet from Comcast in Florida. It has all happened very quickly here at the end. Father, your mercy endures forever.
Up very early to shower and have a time of prayer. Headed over to the storage unit, meeting the Allied team beforehand for breakfast. They dropped off the storage stuff before going to the apartment, where they dropped off all my furniture and boxes. I think I may still have too much furniture. Met some of the neighbors and checked in with the office. Took the team out for ice cream before we went our separate ways. Unloaded all of the items in the car. I will be opening boxes and beginning to settle tomorrow. You are my life purpose, Father.
Facebook post
March 18, 2019
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I had a nightmare last night. I dreamt that Lynda died. I woke up alone in my apartment and gradually realized it was true. Weird!
March 28, 2019
Facebook post
I’m reading two devotional books on my Kindle. The are books Lynda read regularly, highlighting favorite passages. It’s like her reading to me. This morning this was marked: “One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple.” Amen.
March 29, 2019
The nine-month anniversary of Lynda’s Graduation. Didn’t sleep well last night. Determined to spend the day out and about. Drove the entire length of Anastasia Island, sending pics to the kids. Visited the two possible sites for Mom’s birthday party. May your truth set me free, Father.
Nine months, alone...but not alone. Never alone.
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid" (John 14:27).
March 30, 2019
Our 48th wedding anniversary. Our anniversary was an opportunity to reflect on the amazing gift of Lynda, so precious to me. In Christ we are still one. I love you, Lord.
Today is our 48th wedding anniversary. I lived with my parents, brothers, daughter and son for 18+ years. I lived with Lynda for 47+ years. She is the only person I have ever been or will ever be "one" with. "Oneness" in marriage, in so many ways the object of marriage, increases with each decade. Other than the gift of Jesus himself, Lynda was God's best, most extravagant gift to me, and I will forever be grateful.
When you think about it, the "oneness" (intimacy) that is possible in a long, godly marriage, is a shadow of the Oneness that exists between Father, Son and Holy Spirit, and is a promise of the Oneness we can have with God throughout eternity. A growing intimacy with God is our hope for tomorrow and our desire for today.
I was looking at what we did last year on our anniversary and found that we didn't do anything because I was so sick. And I remembered that I fought a stomach ulcer most of the year, and lost a lot of weight as a result (not the way I would want to lose it). Now that I'm basically settled into a new place and a new chapter I'm feeling better, and putting some weight back on (also not necessarily what I wanted).
I am enjoying reading the book of Lent and Easter devotional writings from A. W. Tozer, the book Lynda read last year. She had bookmarked today's reading and I noted this quote: "What a hope that makes it possible for the Lord's people to lie down quietly when the time comes and whisper, 'Father, I am coming home!'"
While thinking about this past year I remembered an interesting experience. A dear friend of ours came over to the house to help me pick out carpet. The samples were on the floor in the bedroom. When she walked in she remarked, "There's something different about this room." I pointed to the chair where Mom spent countless hours worshiping and praying. I said, "It's that chair." The closer she got to it the more she was able to confirm what she was feeling. I knew then it wasn't just my emotionalism or sentimentality. Every night before going to bed I sit in Mom's chair and pray. Prayer is more powerful than we know it is Mom's legacy. Let's live in the legacy by praying for each other and the next generation of Asplunds.
January 3, 2019
Facebook post
January 5, 2019
Text message to Charity & James
I was blindsided by a wave of grief this evening. Nevertheless, it is well with my soul, "10,000 Reasons." I love you both.
January 10, 2019
Text message to Charity & James
Your Mom lived continuously in the overflow, and as long as she was alive, it was enough. Since her Promotion, I've noticed how dry I am. It was wonderful to have a time of refreshing in Portland, standing under the waterfall for awhile.
January 17, 2019
Journal entry
Up coughing again in the night. Finally gave up and got up. Drove into Lagrange for a meeting with F.L.I. Properties, only to find out that the agent was driving to my house. Got caught in cold rainy coming and going. The agent likes our house and set a time next Tuesday to go over the detail of a listing. Asthma kicked in, making it hard to concentrate. Read, rest and coughed. You are my hiding place, Father.
January 19, 2019
Text message to Charity & James
I'm making final preparations to list the house for sale. The first meeting was Thursday and it becomes final and official next Tuesday. I'm finding it a bit stressful, hard. It's the last step in the process of viewing the house as our home to viewing it as a thing to be sold. While I know it's necessary and what the Lord wants, and while I've begun to look forward to the next chapter, it still feels hard.
January 20, 2019
Journal entry
Had breakfast and a time of prayer before picking Arthur and Carrie up for our drive to Atlanta. When we arrived at Tri-Cities Church in East Point the power had been knocked out by last night’s storm and the church was cold and dark. Nevertheless, the church basement was full of those who had come to eat breakfast and fellowship around welcoming their new pastor and his family, the Hardwicks. There was a great time of acapella worship from a very anointed worship pastor and team. In fact, during worship it was almost as though I saw incense ascending toward heaven, not only from our gathering but from gatherings all over the world. As the incense reached heaven, I saw angels dancing and twirling and singing for joy. And in the midst of the angels… Rejoicing!... Celebrating!... Overflowing with joy! Lynda! How Lynda loved(s) worship! Your Presence is heaven, Father.
January 22, 2019
Journal entry
After lunch I did some chores around the house and outside with final preparation for listing the house in mind. Drove into Lagrange to meet with Kendall at F.L.I. and signed the papers needed to list the house. I delight in you following you, Father.
January 27, 2019
Journal entry
A young family came by to look at the house. They used to live across the street and seem very interested – a godly family. I rejoice in you, Father.
January 28, 2019
Journal entry
Up very early for breakfast and prayer before an agent for Allied Van Lines came over to inventory our furnishings. I ended up signing a contract to move all our belongs to St. Augustine for less than I thought it was going to be. Received an offer on the house and made a counter offer. I rest in you, Father.
January 29, 2019
Journal entry
The seven-month anniversary of Lynda’s home-going. Drove into Columbus to buy some packing supplies at Allied. Did some packing when I got home. Received a counter offer from the buyers which I accepted. The home is sold – closing is Feb. 22. What a journey – I just want to stay close to the Lord during the process. Called Mom and Dad to let them know their prayers had been answered. You are my strength, Father.
January 30, 2019
Text message to Charity & James
The house sold on the 7th anniversary of Mom's homegoing. Life goes on for both of us.
February 2, 2019
Facebook post
No matter where I go or what I do, you will always be in my heart! I love you always and for forever. "Until heaven, and then forever."
February 4, 2019
Facebook post
I've had to fill out the first forms that require me to declare myself to be "single." I even had to provide a death certificate to prove it. Is it OK that I don't feel "single"? I was thinking about how the combination of Lynda and my DNA resulted in two wonderful human beings, Charity Asplund Toombs and James Asplund. In a similar way, our lives became intimately "entangled" (in the best sense), resulting in each of us changing into a different person than we would have been if our lives had never interconnected. It's not possible for me to go forward as if the imprint of Lynda is not a permanent part of my life. I will be "single" in the next chapter of my life, but Lynda will continue to be a vitally important part of that chapter.
February 5, 2019
Journal entry
Up early this morning to prepare for the home inspection. Some bats were found in the attic above the garage, which I arranged to have removed. The Knox crew came by for an inspection. I then reported to the Harris Co. Health Dept. Drove into Lagrange to run errands and get more packing material – stopped by Lynda’s grave on the way in. Packing and preparation for my trip to Montana. I’m believing the Lord for renewal and impartation. I seek you glory, Father.
February 14, 2019
Journal entry
Valentine’s Day. Put a new spring floral arrangement on Lynda’s grave. Closing is one week from tomorrow. Made my first appointment in St. Augustine. You are my home and my family, Father.
Text message to Charity & James
(RE why I put Valentine's Day flowers on Lynda's grave) Our connection is eternal and real, not just because her impact on my life is permanent but because God's Spirit is in and with both of us - and you. I honor her grave as a visible and public way of honoring her.
February 17, 2019
Journal entry
Up early for breakfast before driving into Lagrange to gather at NCC, praying along the way. Visited after the service to say Good Bye to my Georgia family. I then went with the Clarks to visit Lynda’s grave – I entrusted the various floral arrangements to them. We then visited the grave of Arthur’s mother in Pine Mountain. We ate an excellent lunch at the Country Store before saying our Until Next Time. Drove back to Lagrange to attend my last small group meeting. They presented me with a going away gift. We had a good discussion together. Visited with Mom and Dad when I got home. You are my hiding place, Father.
February 18, 2019
Text message to Charity & James
The house felt empty before It's really empty now. Looking forward to moving into the next chapter.
February 20, 2019
Journal entry
I drove into Columbus for devotions at the CLST office and lunch with the staff. During lunch I received communication from the closing lawyer, Janice Mallory, that Lynda’s will had not been “probated” and that I therefore did not have the authority to sell our home. I drove straight to the lawyer’s office in Hamilton. I hired her to do the probating, but it will add at least a week to the closing process. Communicated with the family, the buyers and Allied. I decided to take advantage of the lack of a Friday closing to drive to St. Augustine tomorrow to rent a place over the weekend. If successful, I will maintain the plan to move my furniture next week. I will follow you, Father.
February 22, 2019
Journal entry
Up early in St. Augustine to pray and have breakfast. Headed out early to meet with two real estate agents. The second one was by far the best one and just slightly more rent. I filled out the form for the HOA and the agent, paying fees, etc. I will sign a lease on the way out of town on Monday and move in on Thursday. Leased a storage unit before catching up on some work at B&N. Communicated my progress to family, etc. Got word that the closing may happen early than anyone thought. Soon and very soon… I delight in following you, Lord.
February 24, 2019
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Casting out on my own is opening a new chapter in my life. At the same time, it makes me miss Lynda more than ever. She will always be with me, no matter where I go.
February 25, 2019
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February 26, 2019
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February 28, 2019
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March 3, 2019
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Now that I'm settled into a new "home" in Florida I have been reflecting on our move to Georgia. It was at the beginning of March, 2006, we began to seriously consider the need for a warmer, sunnier climate for Lynda. We had a wonderful intercessory prayer team who met regularly in our home on Rocky Butte to pray with us and listen to what the Lord was saying. I also had two great accountability partners to pray and discuss with, and finally we met with Dick Iverson to consider a possible move. When a job opened up in Columbus we eventually pulled the trigger and announced an upcoming move to Georgia. We put our "dream house" up for sale and had 3 offers by the end of the first day, so we scheduled a move for June 1. We drove across country and I reported for work in Columbus on July 1. To be honest, our home church in Portland is my spiritual home. To a significant degree I left my heart in Portland. While we were confident that the move was God's will, having been confirmed in multiple ways, we always felt like spiritual orphans in Georgia, wandering in the wilderness. However, we made many dear and wonderful friends. I have found Georgians to be kind, generous, polite, sweet people. Our friends embraced us like family and we greatly valued those friendships. As with our Portland relationships, my Georgia friends will always be a part of my life. After all, Florida is just one state south, and I will be back every year on Memorial Day to honor the life and memory of my sweet wife. So now, forward into a new chapter. Serving the Lord is always an adventure.
March 18, 2019
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I had a nightmare last night. I dreamt that Lynda died. I woke up alone in my apartment and gradually realized it was true. Weird!
March 28, 2019
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I’m reading two devotional books on my Kindle. The are books Lynda read regularly, highlighting favorite passages. It’s like her reading to me. This morning this was marked: “One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple.” Amen.
March 29, 2019
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Nine months, alone...but not alone. Never alone.
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid" (John 14:27).
March 30, 2019
Text message to James
I was remembering how loving, caring and selfless Mom was during her last days. I remember the time she saw you and me sitting with her in the room and she said, "Why don't you boys spend some personal time together, go out to eat. I'll be fine." She knew she was dying but she gave no thought for herself. I so often feel like a spiritual baby in light of her mature love and faith. It is a beautiful legacy.
April 6, 2019
Text message to James
I'm beginning to see what Charity was struggling with - I'm not looking forward to celebrating my birthday without Mom.
April 10, 2019
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Today is our 48th wedding anniversary. I lived with my parents, brothers, daughter and son for 18+ years. I lived with Lynda for 47+ years. She is the only person I have ever been or will ever be "one" with. "Oneness" in marriage, in so many ways the object of marriage, increases with each decade. Other than the gift of Jesus himself, Lynda was God's best, most extravagant gift to me, and I will forever be grateful.
When you think about it, the "oneness" (intimacy) that is possible in a long, godly marriage, is a shadow of the Oneness that exists between Father, Son and Holy Spirit, and is a promise of the Oneness we can have with God throughout eternity. A growing intimacy with God is our hope for tomorrow and our desire for today.
I was looking at what we did last year on our anniversary and found that we didn't do anything because I was so sick. And I remembered that I fought a stomach ulcer most of the year, and lost a lot of weight as a result (not the way I would want to lose it). Now that I'm basically settled into a new place and a new chapter I'm feeling better, and putting some weight back on (also not necessarily what I wanted).
April 13, 2019
Journal entry
Didn’t sleep well last night. I’m feeling disconnected, without my “anchor,” and see the need to focus more on “knowing Christ and making him known,” gazing on his glory as a lifestyle. Lord, make us One.
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This time of the year is marked by our wedding anniversary and my birthday. (I like to say that I was only 19 when we got married but I actually turned 20 the next week.) While it is a time of celebration and thanksgiving, it also seems to be drawing loss into sharp focus. There is no question that God is with me, that I am blessed, and I am very grateful. At the same time, there are still moments in the day when I remember that Lynda is not here, almost like I momentarily forget that she has gone to be with the Lord, and those moments are a reminder that the pain of her loss is still a part of my 24/7 experience. As you know, it is a very personal loss: not just the loss of a person but the loss of a beautiful, intimate shared life that grew and developed over 47+ years, a loss that has resulted in brokenness, an open wound, making me feel vulnerable if not endangered. I hope you know I am not complaining nor is my experience in any way unique, as all my dear friends and family members who live with a similar loss can testify. However, I am hopeful that a growing intimacy and shared life with God - Father, Son and Holy Spirit - will make me whole and safe again. That is my hope for tomorrow.
Journal entry
Didn’t sleep well last night. I’m feeling disconnected, without my “anchor,” and see the need to focus more on “knowing Christ and making him known,” gazing on his glory as a lifestyle. Lord, make us One.
Facebook post
This time of the year is marked by our wedding anniversary and my birthday. (I like to say that I was only 19 when we got married but I actually turned 20 the next week.) While it is a time of celebration and thanksgiving, it also seems to be drawing loss into sharp focus. There is no question that God is with me, that I am blessed, and I am very grateful. At the same time, there are still moments in the day when I remember that Lynda is not here, almost like I momentarily forget that she has gone to be with the Lord, and those moments are a reminder that the pain of her loss is still a part of my 24/7 experience. As you know, it is a very personal loss: not just the loss of a person but the loss of a beautiful, intimate shared life that grew and developed over 47+ years, a loss that has resulted in brokenness, an open wound, making me feel vulnerable if not endangered. I hope you know I am not complaining nor is my experience in any way unique, as all my dear friends and family members who live with a similar loss can testify. However, I am hopeful that a growing intimacy and shared life with God - Father, Son and Holy Spirit - will make me whole and safe again. That is my hope for tomorrow.
April 14, 2019
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Palm Sunday. I turned in a contribution toward Easter lilies in Lynda’s memory. Thank you, Father.
April 16, 2019
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Had my first dentist appointment – a very thorough check-up and cleaning. I ran errands and met Trish and Vickie at Village Inn to discuss party plans. Mom and Dad met me there for supper. Dad was very tired and very weak, having trouble walking. I had to help him out of the booth and to the car. It was a scary evening – I thought we were losing him. Mom prayed him through and he was resting when I left late for home. Our lives are in your hands, Father.
Journal entry
Palm Sunday. I turned in a contribution toward Easter lilies in Lynda’s memory. Thank you, Father.
April 16, 2019
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Had my first dentist appointment – a very thorough check-up and cleaning. I ran errands and met Trish and Vickie at Village Inn to discuss party plans. Mom and Dad met me there for supper. Dad was very tired and very weak, having trouble walking. I had to help him out of the booth and to the car. It was a scary evening – I thought we were losing him. Mom prayed him through and he was resting when I left late for home. Our lives are in your hands, Father.
Text message to Charity and James
It was amazing to see Nana wrap her arms around Papa and interceded for him while he said, "I love you, Lord. There are so many people hurting mentally and physically. Thank you, Lord." I thought we were losing him. Papa is resting comfortably. Thank you for your prayers.
April 18, 2019
April 18, 2019
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April 26, 2019
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Mom’s 90th birthday. Slept well last night. Back to work on a new book idea and a blog post. Went with Mom and Dad to Red Lobster to celebrate Mom’s birthday. Bumped into Debbie and Janel who joined us. James called to wish his Nana a happy birthday. Spent time visiting with the folks. Set my spirit free, Father.
April 29, 2019
Ten months ago today… Had a very clear and dear dream of Lynda last night. I miss her all day every day. Took a long walk down to the pier before breakfast and prayer. Did some work on a new book. A tentative title: Imitatio: Learning the Way of Jesus. You are my life, Father.
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Journal entry
Mom’s 90th birthday. Slept well last night. Back to work on a new book idea and a blog post. Went with Mom and Dad to Red Lobster to celebrate Mom’s birthday. Bumped into Debbie and Janel who joined us. James called to wish his Nana a happy birthday. Spent time visiting with the folks. Set my spirit free, Father.
April 29, 2019
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Before I woke up this morning I had a very clear dream. I was with Lynda at the end, holding her hand, stroking her cheek. It was so very real. I didn't know why I was having that dream. And then I remembered. It was ten months ago today...
"Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. 14 For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him" (1 Thessalonians 4:13-14).
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"On this mountain he will destroy
the shroud that enfolds all peoples,
the sheet that covers all nations;
8 he will swallow up death forever.
The Sovereign Lord will wipe away the tears
from all faces;
he will remove his people’s disgrace
from all the earth.
The Lord has spoken" (Isaiah 25:7-8).
the shroud that enfolds all peoples,
the sheet that covers all nations;
8 he will swallow up death forever.
The Sovereign Lord will wipe away the tears
from all faces;
he will remove his people’s disgrace
from all the earth.
The Lord has spoken" (Isaiah 25:7-8).
"She walks in starlight, in another world. It was just a dream" (Kili).
May 8, 2019
Journal entry
Up very early for a first visit to my new GP Dr. Zub. He encouraged me to lose weight and sent me out for fasting labs. He is also referring me to a colonoscopy. We celebrated Mother’s Day this evening, taking the folks to Carrabba’s for dinner. Spent some time visiting and praying together before going home to pack. Watch over me in my going out and my coming in, Father.
May 9, 2019
Journal entry
Up very early for a first visit to my new GP Dr. Zub. He encouraged me to lose weight and sent me out for fasting labs. He is also referring me to a colonoscopy. We celebrated Mother’s Day this evening, taking the folks to Carrabba’s for dinner. Spent some time visiting and praying together before going home to pack. Watch over me in my going out and my coming in, Father.
May 9, 2019
I will never forget my pilgrimage to Regent University last year. Lynda was very weak and spent most of the time in bed, but being a prophetic intercessor she felt it was very necessary for me to attend the Commencement at Regent. So I flew in and kept in constant touch with her, sharing pictures and even Facetime during Commencement. Lynda felt my connection to the Regent School of Divinity was very important for my future and I only agreed to be there on a mission - for the Lord and for Lynda. I found out that she had her first symptom of liver cancer while I was in Virginia Beach, but she never complained, only encouraged. That was Lynda. She only lived a few more weeks after I returned home. So, this year I'm back, happy and honored to be a part of the School of Divinity faculty.
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May 13, 2019
Journal entry
I decided to make a side-trip to Georgia on the way home. I drove to NCC and spent some time with the staff. I then ate lunch at Country’s and got some items at Walgreens. Spent time at Lynda’s grave, reflecting, giving thanks, leaving a new flower arrangement. Drove to Callaway Gardens to revisit the Chapel. Dropped in on the Clarks – Carrie fed me dinner. Stopped by to say Hi to Luis Garcia. I need you, Lord.
May 16, 2019
Journal entry
I decided to make a side-trip to Georgia on the way home. I drove to NCC and spent some time with the staff. I then ate lunch at Country’s and got some items at Walgreens. Spent time at Lynda’s grave, reflecting, giving thanks, leaving a new flower arrangement. Drove to Callaway Gardens to revisit the Chapel. Dropped in on the Clarks – Carrie fed me dinner. Stopped by to say Hi to Luis Garcia. I need you, Lord.
May 16, 2019
I realized too late that my own wonderful offspring had a hard time on Mothers Day. It was the first time in their lives that they did not have a mother to celebrate. Having celebrated with my mother and being on the road, that occasion of grief had not occurred to me. I'm sorry. I love you, Charity and James. And so does your mom.
Journal entry
Lynda’s 72nd birthday. Posted a birthday wish on FB for Lynda. Communicated with Charity and James about the meaning of the day for us. Spent the evening with the Welters – a good time of fellowship. Home late for a time of reading and prayer. You are my Comfort, Father.
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May 18, 2019
Lynda’s 72nd birthday. Posted a birthday wish on FB for Lynda. Communicated with Charity and James about the meaning of the day for us. Spent the evening with the Welters – a good time of fellowship. Home late for a time of reading and prayer. You are my Comfort, Father.
Facebook post
It was on this day, May 18, 1947, that my best friend and sweet wife, Lynda Kay Asplund, was born into the world. Lynda was God's extraordinary, extravagant gift - to me, to her family, Charity & James, her grandsons Dominick, Jonathan, Ian and Joshua, and to family and friends around the world. If anything, I've come to love her more every day and to celebrate the great blessing she was and will always be. I love you, sweet baby girl. You are my sunshine...now and for ever.
Lynda did not like watching her age going up every year. When she turned 50, she made me take her out of town (Portland) so no one could wish her a Happy Birthday. So I took her to the Columbia Gorge Hotel & Spa, not because it was any kind of special day, but...just because! Her heart failed at the end of that year. We had just moved to Georgie (for her health) when she turned 60. Her family was not long-lived, her mom passing at 63 and her dad at 67. She seemed content with that fact. When she turned 70 she announced, "I know I am not going to live much longer." It was not because she had been fighting for her life for almost 20 years. She was a prophetic intercessor who had a clear sense of God's will being worked out in her life. She has a different birthday now in Paradise (June 29) that we will also celebrate. Hey over there - we love you!
May 29, 2019
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It was one year ago today that Lynda received a preliminary diagnosis of liver cancer. The following days were shocking and disorienting. I seem to be reliving it to a less painful degree, while being thankful for the faithfulness of the Lord during the year since then.
My mom was sharing with my son how happy she is that I am having times of joy in this chapter of my life. The Lord has always been very kind and generous with me and blessed me in so many ways. And I believe that happiness and contentment are choices we make. Joy for the journey is essential. “Joy” is simply a deep, abiding sense that with the Lord, all will be well and all manner of things will be well. “All’s well that ends well,” and because of Jesus, all will certainly end very well indeed. But for most of my life, seeing Lynda’s face, hearing Lynda’s voice, just being with Lynda was all the joy I needed. That element of my joy is gone, but all will be well. It’s possible to grieve the loss while maintaining an attitude of hope.
June 11, 2019
Lynda did not like watching her age going up every year. When she turned 50, she made me take her out of town (Portland) so no one could wish her a Happy Birthday. So I took her to the Columbia Gorge Hotel & Spa, not because it was any kind of special day, but...just because! Her heart failed at the end of that year. We had just moved to Georgie (for her health) when she turned 60. Her family was not long-lived, her mom passing at 63 and her dad at 67. She seemed content with that fact. When she turned 70 she announced, "I know I am not going to live much longer." It was not because she had been fighting for her life for almost 20 years. She was a prophetic intercessor who had a clear sense of God's will being worked out in her life. She has a different birthday now in Paradise (June 29) that we will also celebrate. Hey over there - we love you!
May 29, 2019
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During my recent trip to Georgia I took advantage of the opportunity to visit Lynda's grave. I bought a bundle of flowers and placed them next to the arrangement already there. I then placed my hand on the grass over her grave and spent some time thanking the Lord for the wonderful gift of Lynda. Some may think I am a bit coo coo over Lynda's grave. Believe me, I know she is not there. However, that is the place where I folded up her mortal tent and put it away. Our bodies are designed to enable us to interact with the world around us, including people. I spent almost 48 years interacting with Lynda's tent, and I will always honor those years. Burial practices are largely symbolic. Those who believe in reincarnation tend to cremate the empty tent. Those who believe in a bodily resurrection at the end of the age tend to bury the empty tent. In fact, older Christian traditions bury bodies with the feet facing east, so on resurrection day they can rise to look Jesus in the face. (Lynda looked Jesus in the face the moment she was absent from the body.) I believe that in the resurrection, we will be given new, immortal bodies in continuity with our present mortal tent. I think I needed to bury Lynda's empty tent so I can have a hallowed place to visit from time to time. I will always remember...
June 6, 2019
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June 9, 2019
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June 11, 2019
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June 19, 2019
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One year ago today Lynda was admitted to in-patient care at the Lagrange Hospice. Our oncologist had prescribed hospice care the day before (the 18th) and our friend, Lisa Williamson came out to help me with the paper work and do an examination. She told me that Lynda would need to go into in-patient care ASAP and that she would not be there long and that I should contact any family members who might want to see her (at least the mortal version) one last time. On the morning of the 19th an ambulance came out to pick up Lynda. I will never forget her concern that the EMTs not hurt their back lifting her and remarking that this was her very first ambulance ride. She was an extroverted people-person and couldn't be in the presence of another human being without engaging with them. James arrived at the house as the ambulance pulled away and we drove to the Lagrange Hospice. During the day we were greeted by our daughter Charity and husband Ken, Lynda's sister Neva and husband Bob, my brother Reggie and his grandson JR, as well as a host of dear friends from New Community Church. I knew the Hospice Chaplain from the Rotary Club and he was (and still is) very attentive. The next 10 days were days of people praying for Lynda and Lynda pray for them, of waiting and watching, reading and praying, staying close to the Father's side. It was a very sad and a very amazing time together. Life has been very different ever since those days.
June 29, 2019
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July 3, 2019
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We had a Celebration of Life for Lynda on this day, July 3, last year. The southern style service and repast provided by my Georgia Family, New Community Church, was wonderful. The message by my friend and pastor, Lamar Hardwick, was amazing. My brother Reggie, sister-in-law Sandi, and their grandson/son JR, were with me as family on the front row. So many friends were there, expressing their love. When it was over, flowers were delivered to our home in Pine Mountain. The front porch and back patio were overflowing, not counting the many flowers that were left on Lynda's grave. It was a graphic reminder of how truly loved Lynda was around the world. It made me wonder what kind of reception she must have received in the Father's House.
