"Do you love me more than these?"

 

The gospel of John has provided us with a bonus chapter at the end. John declared his goal, "these are written so that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name" (20:31). And then, he added a beautiful chapter that began with Peter's statement, "I am going fishing."

And so, seven of the 12 disciples fished all night and caught nothing - the usual. At dawn, Jesus was seen on shore. When he gave them fishing instructions, they went from 0 fish to 153, revealing that Jesus was giving them the supernatural instructions they needed. After John identified the man on shore as Jesus, Peter jumped into the water and swam ashore. When the rest of the men made it to shore, they saw that Jesus had prepared breakfast for them, saying, "Come and have breakfast." I marvel at the practical care Jesus had for his followers, even after this resurrection. But that isn't the feature of this story that has been impressing me.

The small group found themselves sitting around a charcoal fire for the second time (compare 20:9 & 18:18). Peter ended up denying Jesus three times the first time. Now, Jesus would offer him the opportunity to confess his love three times. John recorded the conversation in a wonderfully poetic way. A feature of Hebrew poetry called "parallelism" can be seen in the three questions, the three answers, and the three commands of Jesus. As a typical literary device, John used two words for "love," two words for "feed," and two words for "sheep." In fact, there are even two words used for "know." As is true in Hebrew poetry, parallel terms are designed to paint a more complete picture of the truth being presented. While the truth of "love" is the usual lesson drawn from this encounter between Jesus and Peter, I am struck by the repeated commission, indeed the recommissioning of Peter.

Here is how this passage might be presented:

Do you love me more than these?
Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.
Feed my lambs.

Do you love me?
Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.
Tend my sheep.

Do you love me?
Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.
Feed my sheep.

While Jesus was fully restoring his relationship with Peter, only calling him Simon while doing so, the restoration of Peter's commission is very important. Jesus is concerned about the well-being of his "sheep," so much so that if Peter does, in fact, really love Jesus "more than these," more than anything else, he is to devote himself to caring for the members of Jesus's flock. His love for Jesus will be shown by the consistent and dedicated care he gives to the members of God's family he will be encountering.

And Jesus describes Peter's commission in three parallel ways:

1. Feed my lambs. Provide the necessary food for my little lambs. Make sure my little ones get the most healthy, nourishing provision for their food that promotes their well-being.

2. Tend my sheep. Shepherd my flock. Provide my whole flock, young and old alike, the leadership of a shepherd. Demonstrate the heart of a shepherd, not the heart of a "hired hand," as you lead.

3. Feed my sheep. Provide good pasturage for my flock. Take time to explore their food and ensure they receive only the best, most beneficial food. And don't feed them so much at once that they choke on it. Feed my flock line upon line, as a wise shepherd.

This is a deeply personal concern for Jesus. They are his flock, his lambs, and the quality of their care is of utmost importance to him. 

It reminds me of Paul's exhortation to the Ephesian elders: The outcome of Peter's declared love for Jesus would be his care of those Jesus loved the sacrificial care of a shepherd. "Pay careful attention to yourselves and to all the flock, in which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers, to care for the church of God, which he obtained with his own blood" (Acts 20:28).

It seems to me that the commission to love and care for God's flock, in the midst of God's people, is central to all those called upon to lead and feed. Loving God, being a conduit of God's love, will naturally result in that kind of love guiding relationships among God's people. 

Jesus is the Good Shepherd and Great Shepherd in God's household. At best, other leaders in the midst of the household are assistant shepherds, those called alongside Jesus to share in his work. A hired hand cares for himself more than for the sheep. A thief is prepared to sacrifice the sheep for his personal gain. But it is the high and holy work of a shepherd to lay one's life down in order to see the sheep in the flock of God live a truly flourishing life. 

The Really Big Swords

The temptation of Jesus in the wilderness is a well-known story. The time came for Jesus to enter his public ministry, beginning by connecting to the ministry of his cousin John. Coming out of the water a voice was heard from heaven, "This is my Son, my beloved, with him I am well-pleased." And then the Holy Spirit, who had come in the form of a dove, led him into the Judean wilderness to be tempted by the devil after forty days of fasting.

What follows is a fairly typical pattern of temptation. The issue was whether or not Jesus really believed what the Father had just declared from heaven, and if so, what he thought that meant.

The devil was not particularly clever with the temptations (Matthew 4:1-11). If you are the Son of God,

1. Tell these stones to become bread. After all, Jesus had just been fasting for an extended period, and "he was hungry." 
2. Throw yourself down from the highest point of the temple. The devil thought Jesus would want to make a public show of his divine sonship, and even quoted Psalm 91, the "spiritual warfare Psalm"!, suggesting that God would send angels to rescue him.
3. If you will bow down and worship me, I will give you all the kingdoms of the world. 

These temptations followed the original pattern in the Garden, when Eve was tempted to eat the one thing the Creator had commanded Adam to not eat, noticing that it was:

1. Good for food
2. Pleasing to the eye
3. Desirable for gaining wisdom

...with the promise that "you will be like God."

In fact, it might be observed that the pattern of temptation and sin in the world follows the same pattern (1 John 2:15) of:

1. The desires of the flesh
2. The desires of the eyes
3. The pride of life

While seeing a repeatable pattern of temptation and sin is instructive, I have become fascinated by the specific ways Jesus responded. Jesus quoted three passages from the Old Testament book of Deuteronomy that served as "the swords of the Spirit" he used to conquer in that situation. Looking at these words from Scripture may also prove to be powerful in our own thoughts and words.

Sword #1: Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.

Jesus quoted ("It is written") Deuteronomy 8:3. In the text, Moses had urged the people to be careful to follow the commands he had given them from the Lord. If they did, they would be able to possess the promised land and live with the Lord's blessings. He then reminded them that their forty-year sojourn in the wilderness had been a test to see what was really in their hearts, to test their ability to obey the Lord. He had humbled them by putting them in a position where they were completely dependent on the Lord, relying on his faithful provision of daily manna. The goal was "to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord." Moses then reminded them that not only did they not go hungry in the wilderness, the Lord had also kept their clothes from wearing out and their feet from swelling.

Their choice, and our choice, was simple. If they obeyed the Lord, if they kept the Lord's word, they would be cared for by the Lord. In essence, they would live by eating every word that came from the Lord. In the words used by Jesus, their human flourishing, their true and abundant life, would come as a response to the proceeding word (Greek rhema) that would flow as a veritable river of life from the heart and mind of God. Just being able to turn a rock into a loaf of bread could never be a fit substitute. 

Sword #2: Do not put the Lord your God to the test.

The passage in Deuteronomy 6:16 referred back to the way the Israelites had "tested" the Lord at Massah (Exodus 17:1-7). When the Israelites began traveling about in the wilderness they came to a place that had no water. They immediately reacted by grumbling against Moses, complaining that he had just led them into the desert to die of thirst. They also grumbled against the Lord. "Is this Lord among us or not?" "If the Lord is God and if the Lord is the one who has led us into the desert and is actually with us, let the Lord do something! Let the Lord give us some water to keep us from dying?" It was almost as though they said, "Pay attention, Lord, and do what you said you would do!" This attitude is the meaning of "testing the Lord." They weren't responding in faith. They weren't waiting for the Lord with joyful confidence that certainly he would take care of them as promised, even though they had crossed the Red Sea on dry land and the pillar of fire was right there with them. They were attempting to manipulate the Lord into doing what they wanted him to do for them. Their relationship with the Lord was therefore conditional, conditioned on how well he performed on their behalf. And so, Moses named the place "Massah" (Testing) and "Meribah" (Quarreling). They had an attitude of rebellion, disrespect, and disobedience toward the Lord.

The devil tempted Jesus to throw himself down from the highest point of the temple to see whether or not God would rescue him, even quoting Pslam 91:11-12 about God commanding the angels to prevent him from even stubbing his toe on a rock. It would have been a classic case of someone testing, not trusting the Lord. A true, personal relationship with God will always result in a heart response of hope and confidence in the goodness of God, and will not stand apart at a distance from God, daring him to keep his word, insisting that he provide the miracle we feel we need. As a beloved Son, Jesus would never consider such a rebellious, pagan response to his Father. The same is true for our own relationship with the Lord. As we grow in our knowledge of God, as we draw closer to the heart of the Father, we will be able to confidently rest on an understanding that God is good and always does what is good. 

Sword #3: Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.

The final weapon used to defeat the devil's strategy was taken from Deuteronomy 16:13. The emphasis is on the need to worship, to "fear" and serve the Lord only. Moses was clear to instruct the people, "Do not follow other gods, the gods of the peoples around you." The world is filled with false gods demanding allegiance. Fearing them empowers them. Serving those gods establishes their own wicked kingdoms. A covenant people will always be on the alert for the ever-present temptations to idolatry. We are tempted to assign more worth (to worship) any number of things, ideas, institutions, personalities, almost anything other than the one true Creator God. Every one of these false gods promises benefits and advantages that cannot be found in any other way. In the end, all idolatrous worship ends up being self-worship. 

The devil thought he could tempt Jesus by offering him the possession of all the (false) kingdoms of the world. Wealth and power would be his. Somehow, the devil did not think that Jesus understood that the Almighty Creator of all things would have greater authority over the kingdoms of the world. In fact, in the end, Jesus understood that the "kingdoms of the world" would, as a result of his completing the work the Father sent him to do, become "the kingdom of our Lord and of his Christ." In fact, the nature of God's righteous rule is diametrically opposite and opposed to the kinds of kingdoms being offered in the world. Every form of influence and benefit present in the world is temporary and will inevitably pass away. It is only those who do the will of God that will live forever and will know true, abundant life along the way. 

Wielding swords of the Spirit involves more than the ability to quote passages of Scripture. The heart of the issue is our core values and our true motivations. What do we really believe about God, and how does that belief guide our thoughts and actions. Do we find our lives flowing out of the word and wisdom of God? Do we trust the Lord in every situation and resist the temptation to put God to the test? Do we have a heart of love, worship, and gratitude? Are we on guard against "idols" calling for our attention and loyalty? If so, the devil will not be able to take advantage of us and establish a foothold in our lives. 

"Don't be afraid. Only believe."

 

It must have been frustrating. When Jairus left his house his daughter was at the point of death. But instead of preparing for a funeral, he heard Jesus has just arrived in town. So he went to find Jesus with the hopes of bringing him back to the house in time to heal his daughter. But on the way, Jesus had an unexpected faith encounter with a woman who was desperately sick. Rather than speaking to Jesus, she pressed through the crowd and touched his garment, and was immediately healed. While Jesus carried on a conversation about this miracle, a messenger arrived to tell Jairus that his beloved 12-year-old daughter had just died, so he need not bother Jesus any further. When Jesus overheard that conversation, instead of expressing his condolences to the father he said, "Don't be afraid. Only believe" (Mark 5:21-43). 

We know the end of the story. Jesus went back to the house and raised the little girl from the dead. But his encouragement to Jairus before accompanying him showed the two responses open to the dad, and maybe even a combination of the two. In the end, it was about which response would end up controlling the moment. One response was faith. The other response was fear.

To be honest, fear is one of our greatest enemies. Fear is a natural response, due to our condition of attempting to live with "self" at the center. Fear is the root of so many other dysfunctions in our souls and lives. Fear is the root of anger. Fear is behind hatred, hostility, and violence. We fear powerlessness and the loss of control, so we compensate by attempting to control others, and even our own lives. We fear rejection. We fear inferiority, so we feel the need to identify people or groups that we claim are "inferior" and may even discriminate against them. Fear fuels pride and lust. Fear keeps us continually upset, looking for ways to counteract our state of anxiety. Fear weakens our will by releasing a response of fight, flight, or freeze. Ultimately, fear leads to depression, despair, hopelessness, relational failures, personal failures, and death. 

Fear is the opposite response of faith. Fear is anti-faith. Fear says, "I need to be in control of my life or this situation" while realizing it is impossible to do so. Faith says, "I am incapable of being in control of my life or this situation, so I trust Jesus to know what to do and to do the best thing for me and mine." 

Evidently, Timothy, the young protege of Paul, was timid and anxious by nature. Even so, Paul entrusted him with major apostolic assignments. Paul also knew the need to remind Timothy that "God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind" (2 Timothy 1:7). Paul was saying that the Spirit of God who is with us and in us has the power to enable us to do whatever needs to be done in life. It is the power of the Holy Spirit working within us that provides love and a sound mind. The Holy Spirit can cause true love to fill and overflow our lives. The Holy Spirit can teach us and give us God's thoughts and God's wisdom in our saved, whole minds. It is love that will drive out fear, and it is wisdom in a sound mind that will offset the overwhelming even paralyzing effects of fear.

I know how difficult it can be when a wave of anxiety washes over us. Living with a global pandemic has made life that much more challenging for those who tend to suffer from anxiety. Coming through a very hostile, divisive political season, being bombarded on every side with fear-provoking conspiracy theories has made it almost unbearable. That's when I think of Jairus and Jesus. It seemed hopeless. His daughter was dead. But with Jesus, nothing is ever hopeless. Nothing is impossible with God. Faith says, "God is always in control. Nothing ever happens that God is unaware of and is planning to redeem. In the end, I can trust God to always do the right thing. All is well and all will be well." Don't be afraid. Only believe. 

My Parents - A Tribute

 

My Mom, Norma Allen Asplund, is a missionary. She was born as the fifth out of nine children on a farm in Barnesville, Minnesota. She told me that her father, Harley Allen, a prominent farmer in the Red River Valley, didn't make a personal commitment to the Lord until she was a teenager. She remembers that from that time he never went anywhere without his Bible. He called her his "little missionary" because of her zeal for the Lord and for the Bible. In fact, she attended North Central Bible College in Minneapolis in the 1948/49 school year. And then, my Dad showed up, having hitchhiked from Bismarck, North Dakota to see his favorite cousin, Lala, who happened to be Mom's roommate. They met at church on Mother's Day, May 8, 1949. It must have been love at first sight, at least for Dad, but although he was "tall, dark, and handsome," Mom was not convinced. Dad had been a bit of a partier in his youth and not that committed to following the Lord. Dad proposed marriage fairly quickly, so, Mom fasted and prayed for three days to discern what the Lord wanted her to do. She became convinced that her mission was to join her life to Dad's and partner together in ministry, being faithful to go wherever the Lord might lead them. She laid down the law to Dad, and he is quick to testify that he quit partying and all the behaviors that went with it in one day. ("I was never a happy sinner.") Mom literally became his spiritual mentor, and they were married on October 21, 1949. Dad and the four sons that were to come all benefited from Mom's mission.



My Dad, Ken Asplund, is a tender-hearted people person. You might that a bit strange for someone who grew up on a farm in rural North Dakota. Dad seems to have loved farming and has told how he was sent to school to learn how to repair the farming machinery. Even then, he had a soft heart for the farm animals and loved his extended family, even now missing the times siblings and cousins gathered for an evening of fellowship. My Dad simply loves everyone and wants to be everyone's friend, and the feeling is usually reciprocated. He has always provided the clearest example of a "shepherd's heart" I have known. The most difficult part of last year's COVID lockdown was no longer having personal access to the inmates at the St. Johns County Jail. He served as the volunteer County Jail Chaplain for 30 years. He truly loved the inmates and found the hours he spent with them to be personally encouraging and energizing. It's been hard to see him no longer have a context for his big shepherd's heart outside of Mom and me. I'm so grateful for the example Dad has always been for me. When I was very young as a pastor I remember realizing that I was a task-oriented introvert and did not have good people skills. I asked Dad to mentor me in that area, and while I will never be the shepherd he is, I think it helped. Thank you, Dad.



My Mom, Norma Allen Asplund, is a teacher. She just can't help herself. If you have a problem, issue, or question, she will provide you an excellent lesson to be learned. Every moment in life is a "teachable moment." She has shared that it was her Aunt Hazel Allen in Barnesville, Minnesota, that imparted a deep love for learning and specifically, for the Bible. Evidently, Aunt Hazel would pick up some of the Allen kids for Bible study and was a very effective communicator of lessons from Scripture. Growing up with my three younger brothers I clearly remember Mom leading us in family devotions, Bible study, and Scripture memorization every evening after dinner. Our favorite topic of discussion was "heaven." Mom taught me how to read when I was four years old, using weekly copies of the Pentecostal Evangel. She imparted a love of reading, of learning new things, and especially of the Bible, to me. Even since moving to St. Augustine, I have had people tell me that a class Mom taught, often a Marriage and Family Class made a huge impact on their lives. Mom also has a public speaking gift. She doesn't know a stranger and speaking before a crowd seems to energize her. She is an excellent communicator in every way. I owe so much of my own gift and passion to her. Thank you, Mom.



My Dad, Ken Asplund, is a business and community leader. Even though he grew up on a farm in rural North Dakota and was trained to be a farmer, when he and Mom ventured forth outside of their family communities, Dad immediately began to excel in business, quickly moving into management positions. The year before he began to engage in vocational pastoral ministry (1972), he was the #2 salesman in the insurance company he was working for with a very bright future. In fact, business and sales are his only formal training, but it has always proven to be beneficial in ministry wherever he has gone. When Dad and Mom moved to St. Augustine in 1986, Dad soon began to reach out to community leaders, looking for a way to serve them, including local pastors. While he would never think of it in those terms, Dad had an "apostolic" assignment in St. Augustine. His "Living Waters Ministries" and "Marketplace Ministries" resulted in important areas of ministry and influence. It was not uncommon for a community leader to state that Dad was their "mentor," a statement that always surprised him. Dad was also instrumental in organizing volunteer services at both the local hospital and the county jail. Dad has a gift for administration. Mom says he has a "gift for numbers." He is a very effective money manager. Even though the details have become a bit frustrating, even now Dad is working every day on his finances and taxes, making sure that "all of his affairs are in order." He provides an amazing legacy, both for the community and his family.


My Mom, Norma Allen Asplund, is a singer and musician. She has long been known as an organist, last playing for Trinity Chapel (now Destiny Church) here in St. Augustine. The organ she bought in 1966 is still in her living room. In her youth, she also played the accordion and even a ukelele. (Her mother, Grandma Amy Allen, and her sisters Monafae and Janice all played the piano). I love the story of Mom singing in an award-winning trio with her sister Janice and her cousin LoRaine who sang on a local radio station. (Aunt Janice is still with us, Cousin LoRaine recently graduated to Glory.) With all that music in her life, it's no wonder that all four of her sons had some amount of musical talent. (Dad also used to sing and play the guitar, and my brother Reggie and son James both married gifted musicians. James' three sons are also gifted musicians.) Even now, Mom would rather listen to excellent worship music more than anything. When the three of us gather in the evening, it's not uncommon for us to break out into an old song with the wonderful memories that go with each one. Even though it may now be a "joyful sound," it comes from hearts of thankfulness to the Lord for a long life of goodness and blessing.



My Dad, Ken Asplund, is an evangelist and a church planter. Recently I heard the story that, as newlyweds, the folks lived for a short time in Brookings, South Dakota. While there, the pastor of the small church they attended, saw the potential in Dad and made him the (volunteer) youth pastor. My clearest memories are during the years we lived in White Bear Lake, Minnesota (1962-69). While there, Dad got very involved in the Men's Fellowship Department of the Assemblies of God and began to travel to churches in the area, conducting personal evangelism training. Dad's formal training in business and sales made him an ideal evangelist with a passion to equip others with the skills needed to effectively communicate the Gospel. We moved to Springfield, Missouri in 1969, and during the summer of 1970, Dad was given the oversight of a downtown youth ministry called the New Wine Coffeehouse. Mom and Dad fell in love with the young people who showed up, and before long, there was a large number of new Jesus People needing to be discipled and cared for. While Dad established a "Boys House" and a "Girls House," something more concrete needed to be done, so in the summer of 1973, Dad pioneered a local church. It quickly grew, resulting in the need for more space. So, in 1979, Dad purchased property and built a fairly large "sheep shed" (as he called it) for the many growing families making up the young congregation. In fact, there were so many children being added to the church family, Dad decided to establish a Christian school, New Covenant Academy, which is still flourishing in Springfield. In 1986, Dad and Mom felt the Lord was calling them southeast, so they moved to St. Augustine, Florida. While the various ministries pioneered by Dad during the ensuing years all reflected his shepherd's heart and his passion for the Gospel, I think his 30-year chaplaincy in the St. Johns County jail may most clearly reflect his commitment to the Gospel and his love for "the least of these." During these years, Dad has literally led thousands of inmates to the Lord, 900+ in 2019 alone. Even now, Dad gets letters from former inmates, thanking him for his love and faithfulness. Some are even now serving as pastors in their local community. Much fruit, fruit that will remain for eternity.



My Mom, Norma Allen Asplund, is a prophetic intercessor. In fact, she has a "prophetic temperament," seeing all of life as either clearly white (light) or black (dark), and she is passionate about both. When I was 17, I remember coming into the house late at night, and instead of being confronted by my parents, I heard my Mom weeping and interceding for me in her room. She literally prayed me into the Kingdom. Mom's favorite memories of ministry here in St. Augustine involve a variety of prayer events, including times of prayer in her living room. One evening last year, something happened to Dad and he didn't have the strength to stand up and was completely disoriented. All he could say was, "Lord, there are so many hurting people who need you," over and over again. But Mom would have none of it. She laid her hands on Dad and began to pray, calling on the Lord with great faith and passion. It wasn't long before Dad was back to normal. Even now, in the last chapter of her life, she views her primary purpose and focus is prayer and intercession. She is especially committed to giving herself to prayer for her family, her sons, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. She is committed to the prospect of every member of the family someday joining her and the Lord in heaven. And she is not going to take "No" for an answer.

My Dad, Ken Asplund, has a natural, almost childlike (not childish) faith and relationship with God. Even though he did a bit of partying as a teenager (it seems to me he could only get into so much trouble in rural North Dakota in the '40s), he was never "a happy sinner." In fact, he grew up in a very godly extended family and was simply waiting for someone to disciple him. When he met Mom he knew he had found his "mentor," and very quickly began to follow the Lord with all his heart. I love the picture of him praying with Mom as newlyweds. His faith and trust in God seem unwavering, no matter what the circumstance. Dad prays as easily as he breathes and talks about his faith in God with the same ease. Dad's ministry and influence in St. Augustine always began by him offering to meet a community leader every week for prayer. I hear stories about Dad praying weekly with the sheriff, the superintendent of schools, local pastors, the mayor, judges, and others. Since moving to St. Augustine, I quickly discovered that it is not possible to spend any time with the folks without having a time of prayer together, always initiated and led by Dad. On the first evening I spent with them I thought it was time for me to leave, so I just stood up and excused myself. Dad immediately began to pray and I realized separating for the night without a meaningful time of prayer would not work for him. When driving in the car together it's not uncommon to hear Dad verbalize his trust and gratitude to God. I have a great appreciation for Dad's very natural spirituality, filled with love and guarded by peace, an important example to his family, friends, and community.

My parents, Ken and Norma Asplund are faithful servants of the Lord. In my experience (and I've known them all my life), every time the Lord opens a door for them, they simply walk through it, asking very few questions along the way. The first amazing example of that was when Dad made the decision to leave a very successful career to serve the harvest of young believers in Springfield, Missouri, with no visible means of support. The President of his company thought he had lost his mind, but the wonderful fruit that came of that faith decision - New Wine Coffeehouse, Word of God Tabernacle, New Covenant Academy - showed it to be a life-changing choice to faithfully obey the Lord. And then, in 1986, Mom and Dad received a prophetic word saying that God was going to "thrust [them] into a dry, thirsty, parched land in the Southeast" with the promise, "I'm going to send revival." So they sold their home in Springfield, renting an apartment in Orchard Park (Jacksonville) to discern God's specific direction. Dad loves to say how when they drove over the Bridge of Lions for the first time, they knew very clearly that God was sending them to St. Augustine. And they have spent the last 35 years doing everything they could to serve and bless the city. every door of opportunity that opened before them, they faithfully went through them, bearing an abundance of fruit along the way, fruit that will remain. Mom and Dad have been partners every step of the way, combining their gifts together to the very best effect. Even now in their latter days, they spend every day beseeching the Lord to send revival to St. Augustine, to the city, the churches, and especially, to the young people.



I have been reflecting on the long life and ministry of my Dad in light of the Parable of the Talents (Matthew 25:14-30). You may remember that three servants were given responsibility for a portion of the master's household, in the parable spoken of as 5, 2, and 1 "talent" (essentially a bag of gold). When the one with the 5 bags and the one with 2 bags returned, having doubled the master's investment in their lives, they were commended and rewarded. I can see that my Dad began his journey with far less than one bag. Mom has told me how Dad tried twice to graduate from High School in Bismarck and was not able to do so either time, making him feel like a loser. However, the partnership with Mom released Dad's true potential. Everywhere they went local pastors saw Dad's leadership ability. Now, as he is about to turn 92, a long line of very significant contributions, from Minnesota to Missouri to Florida, has followed Dad. He started with less than one bag and has ended with at least 10 bags. The one who turned 5 into 10 and the one who turned 2 into 4 bags were welcomed with, "Well done, good and faithful servant. Enter into the joy of your master." I wonder what Dad will hear on that day.



When reviewing my Dad's library I found an entire shelf of notebooks containing his old sermon notes. During the '70s and early '80s, when planting a great congregation in Springfield, Missouri, Dad had to preach almost every Sunday. Dad would be the first to admit that he did not have a gift for public speaking (that was Mom's gift), but he labored diligently and thoughtfully every week to feed his young flock the very best spiritual food. Dick Iverson preaching through the old Bible Temple Tapes was Dad's primary source and served as a personal Bible college for his training as a pastor and preacher. I was amazed once again to see the careful detail, the marginal notes, and the extensive multi-colored underlining that went into every message. As with all Dad did, he was conscientious, hard-working, and faithful as a shepherd to his Springfield flock.



I have finally completed the entire process of sifting, sorting, and shifting 60+ years of accumulated memories at my parents' house here in St. Augustine. Yesterday, in preparation for an estate sale and the sale of the house, we piled the final stack of large garbage bags at the curb to be picked up today (not representing the huge amount of items donated to a variety of services in the area). When I came by later a next-door neighbor asked me if I knew there were photographs in one of the bags. I answered that I had gone through thousands of photos and scanned all the most important ones. Her concern was that the local historical society would want many of the photos because my parents had made such a very significant impact on the community and could she give them all they wanted. I said she could and that if the historical society wanted digital copies, I could provide them as well. Even when putting out the trash I have encountered the historical significance of the 34 years my parents, Ken and Norma Asplund spent serving the community of St. Augustine, Florida.




One of the first events Dad participated in after moving to St. Augustine was Washington for Jesus 1988, followed by St. Augustine For Jesus. In his enthusiasm for his new home, Dad paid for a large sign on US Highway 1. Even though the office building connected to the sign has been turned into a parking lot, the sign, known by the locals as "The Big Purple Sign," still stands.



Our family lived in White Bear Lake, Minnesota from 1962-69, where I graduated from high school. It was also a time of growing ministry and leadership for my Dad. He was only in his 30s when he began traveling from church to church teaching personal evangelism seminars for the Assemblies of God. Yesterday I found in the last box of photographs to be scanned pictures of one of those seminars. What a joy to see this old record of the time and place that prepared Dad for very fruitful ministry in Springfield, Missouri (1969-87) and St. Augustine, Florida (1987-2021).



During Dad's final weeks I often heard him remark that he didn't think he had really accomplished that much and he was surprised at the number of people who expressed appreciation for him and his life. I realized that Dad had never really thought about himself that much as he simply sought to serve the Lord in whatever way seemed helpful at the time. He didn't attach his ego to his work. He was just a faithful, obedient servant. For that reason, he was able to make a positive contribution to almost any context he found himself in. If the Lord seemed to be opening a door in front of him, he just went through, worked hard, and left the results and the glory to Christ alone. A valuable lesson indeed!



One of my mother’s favorite sayings was, “God’s timing is always precise,” usually in the context of our timing proving to be less so. In fact, during the time my brother Reggie and I worked together to care for our folks, our saying became, “We waited too long.” It started in January when mom injured her neck and began seeking medical solutions. Dad often said, “Just when I was hoping to begin enjoying my retirement.” Pointing out that most people don’t wait until the age of 91 to begin enjoying their retirement did not encourage dad. “We waited too long.” Soon, mom announced that it was time to sell their home and move into an independent/assisted living apartment. We began making immediate arrangements, then mom fell at home, seriously injuring herself. She went from the hospital to short-term and then to long-term skilled nursing care, and it was quickly apparent that a senior community would not be possible. “We waited too long.” Then dad became very sick and had to have emergency surgery. He went from the hospital to short-term nursing care. Our thought was that it might be possible for dad to be transferred to the facility where mom was, and they could share a room together. However, on the day dad was transferred, mom began to “actively die” and never regained consciousness. “We waited too long.” After mom’s service, we planned to move dad to a very nice assisted living apartment in Chattanooga where my brother worked. He set up a very nice apartment for dad with all new furnishings, surrounding him with all his favorite things. Every effort was made to carve out a pleasant, happy life for the remainder of dad’s days. However, it was quickly apparent that dad would never be happy without his wife of 72 years by his side, and one night in August he simply slipped away in his sleep. “We waited too long.” During all this time I often asked the Lord about it, making some planning suggestions of my own. The only thing I ever heard was, “Stand still and see,” or “wait quietly,” neither of which come naturally to me. I am a hyper, compulsive planner, running scenarios and practicing speeches in my sleep. We are now clear about the fact that, while we may have been consistently late, the Lord was never late. God’s timing is always precise. Our Father knew exactly when to call mom home, and the Lord knew to call dad shortly thereafter. And so, we are left with the same lesson. Stand still and see. Wait quietly. It does no good to thrash around as if we are in control. Rest. All shall be well in the end. All manner of things shall be well.



When we celebrated my mother's 90th birthday in 2019, she had an opportunity to communicate her thanks and appreciation to many. When she got home, she was stricken with a feeling that she had not given enough glory to the Lord. She literally could not sleep that night, feeling that God alone deserved the highest praise. She was passionately committed to Jesus and to the Good News about Jesus. With that in mind, I want to be clear that every step of my journey has been pure grace. When my Lynda went home to be with the Lord she told me, "You will be moving back to Portland." And so, I immediately began to make plans to do so. But before I moved, I realized, with the help of my dear cousin, that I had 89-year-old parents in St. Augustine, Florida, that might want to spend time together while they could. And so, I moved to St. Augustine with a clear sense of commission, to spend the final months of my parents' lives with them. Please understand. I am a fundamentally selfish person. I really wanted to just move back home to Portland and get on with my life. But the Lord had other plans. Every step of the way has been grace. God's mercy and goodness, God's kindness, and wisdom, made it possible to spend these months together. All glory and honor belong to the Lord alone. And now, by God's grace, I will be moving back to Portland, my Home on the way HOME. I am so very thankful to the Lord for the past 30 months and will always carry with me many wonderful memories of my time here with Mom and Dad, as well as our Florida Asplund family members and their many wonderful friends. That brings to mind Mom's favorite song, the one song she asked to be sung at her funeral. It expresses my sentiments as well. I will miss St. Augustine and I will always miss my beloved parents, until that Day.



The memory that sticks most clearly in my mind concerning Dad's Celebration of Life was the repeated theme that for St. Augustine, Dad was like Elijah, preparing the way for the Lord. Several community leaders expressed the idea that now that Dad had been taken up into heaven, his mantle had fallen to the ground. The question now is: Who will take up the mantle? Dr. Joyner (former St. Johns Country School District Superintendent and Flagler College President) said he had not been able to sleep the night before the service because Dad kept calling him on the phone to ask, "Who is going to take up the mantle?" Pastor Tinsley and Dad's former Assistant Chaplain Chuck Ponce expressed similar concerns. Who is going to take up the mantle? Will it be an individual leader taking up the entire mantle? Will it be several leaders taking up pieces of the mantle? Will it be a team of leaders working together to take up the entire mantle? I'm excited to see what the Lord will be doing in the very special community of St. Augustine in the coming months and years and to see what becomes of Dad's mantle.

God is (Still) With Us

Those who know me personally know that I LOVE CHRISTMAS! Many of my favorite childhood memories involve Christmas, especially the year our extended Asplund family celebrated the season in my Asplund grandparent's farmhouse in Wilton, North Dakota, including the visit of Santa Claus (in the person of Uncle Leonard). My own family celebrated Christmas as a wonderful family event every year, making Christmas largely about quality time together as a family. 

But I also have a deep love for the image of the Christ child. It's not just that I love babies and families. Just the thought of the eternal Word of God, God's One-and-Only, being poured into humanity as a tender, vulnerable, dependent human baby, born to a poor family under very difficult and dangerous circumstances, always truly amazes me. And the details were designed by God very specifically, with special mention made to the shepherds that the sign they were to look for was a baby lying in a feed trough.

It was the prophet Isaiah, in the context of a prophetic encounter with the Jewish king Ahaz, that promised, "Behold, a virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and shall call his name Immanuel" (7:14). The promise of this special birth and the child's name was the profound mystery that with the birth, God would be with us, our Immanuel. God has always desired intimate, personal, familial relationships with human beings, but the human tendency to reject God and to attempt to live independently from God has consistently blocked that holy desire. It was necessary for God to take the initiative, and to do it in such a way as to reveal the heart, desire, and character of our God. 

And so God came, as a tiny baby, offering the most basic example of a deep, personal relationship. And to emphasize the point, a host of angelic messengers and singers announced the birth to lowly shepherds, watching over a flock of sheep somewhere in the field. It wasn't just that they were at the bottom of the cultural totem pole, they were shepherds, chosen to welcome the Chief Shepherd of all God's sheep into the world of human beings. Can you imagine what it would have been like to be one of these shepherds, not only to see but also potentially to touch, maybe even to hold him in your arms? Mary's baby boy? God's Son?

From that moment to the present, God has revealed himself most clearly in the person of Jesus of Nazareth, our Immanuel, our Yeshua. Jesus put a face on God. Jesus perfectly revealed the person and heart of God. Jesus was a living invitation from God to turn to him and receive reconciliation and restoration. The angels said it so well. "Behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which shall be to all people.... Glory to God in the highest, and peace, goodwill toward men" (Luke 2:10, 14). The baby Immanuel was God's perfect expression of joy, peace, and goodwill, with a clear desire to live in an eternal relationship as a result of the coming of his Son.

As a result, as a result of the resurrection and ascension of Jesus the Messiah, the Anointed King, he is continually with us. I love how the apostle Paul always emphasized the present reality of Jesus as the center of our faith. In fact, when showing that the members of God's family were equally valued by God with no favoritism or partiality, Paul's reason was simply, "Christ is all and in all" (Colossians 3:11). Because Christ is still with us, we are each one the Father's favored child, the little brothers and sisters of the King, now and forever. All we need to do is turn our hearts to God and say, "Yes" to the invitation, to embrace God's Immanuel as our Savior and Lord, and find our new place in God's eternal family.

It is for that reason that we not only say, "Merry Christmas" this year. We boldly and joyfully confess:

The King has Come

The King is Coming

God is With us!

The Mission

 Are we just taking up space in our time and place? Are we just biding our time, waiting to die and go to heaven? I used to wonder why the preacher just didn't hold us under water when we were baptized, sending us straight on to eternal bliss. (Tongue in cheek.) My conclusion is very simple: Every day we get up and find we are still alive, we can only conclude one thing - we are still on mission with the Lord. 

Jesus clearly communicated his own "mission statement" in Nazareth. 

“The Spirit of the Lord is on me,

    because he has anointed me
    to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners
    and recovery of sight for the blind,
to set the oppressed free,
19     to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor" 
(Luke 4:18-19).

Jesus saw that God's Spirit rested on him for a divine purpose. He had been sent from the Father to announce Good News, the Gospel of his Kingdom. It was good news to the poor, to those who were otherwise left out of the "good news" in their society. It was good news of freedom and healing. It was an announcement of God's favor. It was the work he had been sent to do in his coming, and it was the work he would pass on to his loyal disciples.

The "famous last words" of Jesus to his disciples showed him passing the baton of his mission on to them, and to future generations.

“All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age" (Matthew 28:18-10).

Jesus came as the King to announce the coming of his Kingdom, the domain of the King. But he was limited in his incarnation to making disciples among those in his immediate space. It was necessary for him to ascend to the right hand of the Father in heaven, having won the decisive victory over the system of sin and death in his own death and resurrection, and to send God's Spirit to be with and in the community of his followers. Only then would they be able to continue the mission of God and to extend it to all nations, to every people group. 

That assignment has, in turn, been passed on to every generation of Christ-followers. I'm sure there may have been times when a certain generation was tempted to throw in the towel, drop out and wait for the end to come. However, the end has not yet come. We're still here! I got up this morning and discovered that I am still alive! (My mother likes to say that when she gets up in the morning, she reads the obituaries and if her name is not there, she goes back to bed.) There is only one conclusion: I am still on mission with the Lord. You are still on mission with the Lord!

Jesus was clear that the mission would continue until it fully succeeded. 

I like how Matthew recorded it: "...the one who stands firm to the end will be saved. And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come" (24:13-14). He did not state it as a goal or a desire but as a surety. The gospel of the kingdom will be preached, and it will be preached in the whole world, to all nations. No one will be left out. Only then will "the end" come.

Mark recorded the teaching of Jesus about the end-goal of the mission in stark terms. "You will be handed over to the local councils and flogged in the synagogues. On account of me you will stand before governors and kings as witnesses to them. And the gospel must first be preached to all nations" (13:9-10). It is absolutely necessary that the gospel be proclaimed to every people group on earth. In some cases, it will involve suffering, but even then, that suffering will contribute to the fulfillment of the mission, allowing the witnesses of Christ to proclaim the gospel to those in authority, those who would be acting as their "judges." No price would be too high to pay for the completion of the mission of God.

The natural tendency will be for the commissioned to become distracted or discouraged along the way. In another place, Jesus described the challenge of "the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth" putting a choke-hold on his followers, making them unfruitful (or at least less fruitful than they would have been otherwise). When times are good, the temptation will be to be distracted by all the blessings and to take our eyes off of the mission and the description of how the mission will succeed. When times are tough, we may be tempted to become overwhelmed with worry and fear and to be discouraged about even trying to complete the mission. 

It seems possible that we could come through a time of blessing, so focused on how blessed we are we begin to be distracted from the mission, only to enter into a time of trouble and find ourselves discouraged and frustrated, desperately looking for a remedy and a return to blessedness. If our eyes are off of the mission, if our focus is no longer on "the prize" of every nation encountering the gospel of the kingdom, we may instead begin to focus on issues and loyalties outside of the righteous reign of Christ that seem to promise a better future (or at least a return to "normal"). 

And then came 2020. A global pandemic, massive unemployment, chaos, and disruption on the streets. A divided society and a contentious election that promises to go on and on, the result of which (no matter who is confirmed as elected) may only make every other problem more difficult and toxic. Has the mission been postponed? How should committed Christ-followers, those dedicated to the completion of the mission, respond to such dire circumstances?

"In times like these" (to quote the title of my dad's favorite gospel song), our mission seems to be clear. "When I shut up the heavens so that there is no rain, or command locusts to devour the land or send a plague among my people, if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land" (2 Chronicles 7:13-14). It seems pretty simple. We need to recognize that there is nothing that happens outside of God's supervision. Recognizing that, we give ourselves to coming before the Lord in humility, to prayer, to seeking God's presence to come in power, to ask for a new sensitivity to the ways we have become distracted from God's rule, and to repent. Only then will God hear and forgive. Only then can we expect that God will heal our land.

I am often asked, "How long do you think this situation will go on?" The answer is clear. It will continue until there has been a sufficient process of coming before the Lord in humility, united prayer, a new request for revival among God's people along with a new commitment to obedience to the word of the Lord that is coming from God's throne, just for "times like these."

On the other hand, it is possible to begin to put our trust in the institutions and leaders of our society. While we make public attempts to pray and ask for revival, we also engage in the various controversies that surround us, as if any of them actually offers real solutions. There is nothing and no one in our society that is able to really hear us, to forgive and reconcile us, and to forgive us. Our natural human tendency to look to anything and anyone other than God is complicated by the fact that during an extreme crisis conspiracy theories abound, creating new and unusual opportunities to divide and hate. There is no hope in any of them. 

So, while we all exercise our right to have any and every opinion, let us never forget that we are taking up space on this planet for only one reason. We are on mission with the Lord, and that mission will not be complete until every people group under heaven has been impacted by the gospel of the kingdom.

At last count, there are 7,400+ people groups (out of 17,446) that have yet to be impacted by the gospel of the kingdom. They are "unreached people groups." Out of the 7.75 billion people currently occupying our planets, 3.23 billion (42%) live in areas that have not been "gospelized." Now is not the time to be distracted from the mission, from the reason why we are alive today. Now is not the time to take our eyes off of the prize (and focus on other pseudo-prizes). It may be that the primary thing we must repent of is allowing ourselves to place too much focus and importance on other things, other causes, other missions, of assigning more worth to people and institutions than they have in the eyes of God (the definition of idolatry). May we get back to our assignment: to humble ourselves, to pray, to seek God's presence, to repent, and to return to a life of obedience to Christ. After all, we are still here!

Valley of the Shadow

November 23, 2017

Journal entry

Thanksgiving Day. Lynda’s colon was unhappy when she got up, but she wanted to try going to the buffet we had reservations for. We barely started on the meal when she threw everything up on our table. I helped to the car, paid for the meal, and went back to our motel room. Decided to check out early to take Lynda home. She laid on the back set in her pajamas and blanket and we made good time going home, arriving around 7:00.

December 23, 2017

Journal entry

Lynda was very weak when we got up so I cancelled our trip to Florida. Called the motel and they graciously refunded our money. Called Mom and Charity. I then drove into Lagrange to buy groceries for the week. Read to Lynda and discussed what we had just experienced. I trust you, Father.

January 17, 2018

Journal entry

Later this afternoon Lynda began to feel sick and was showing flu symptoms this evening. I read to her and stayed with her in her room.


January 18, 2018

Journal entry

After breakfast and a prayer time I checked on Lynda. She was still feeling very sick all day. Had some lunch and set her up with an Audible book. Worked with my students this afternoon, grading papers. Went down early to set Lynda up on the couch to watch old TV episodes.


January 30, 2018

Journal entry

Lynda and I had a light supper and watched Little House. Lynda was not feeling well. My BP is still high. Read to Lynda.


February 5, 2018

Journal entry

After lunch Lynda and I drove into Lagrange for her semi-annual oncology check-up. She was nervous throughout the night. The report was good - the CLL is still “stage zero.” (But still a "time bomb" in her body, ready to explode at any time.)


February 11, 2018

Journal entry

Lynda and I participated in the CBC early service. No “Host” was there so I jumped in. Lynda was still feeling sick so I set the service up on her iPad.


March 18, 2018

Journal entry

We participated in the CBC early service. Lynda’s digestion is still upset so we had a light lunch. Visited with Mom and Dad - Mom prayed for Lynda over the phone. Read to Lynda. You are my hope, Father.


March 19, 2018

Journal entry

Lynda slept late - she was in pain all night. I postponed our trip to Florida. Did some cleaning upstairs and helped Lynda fix chicken soup. A very rainy day. Read to Lynda. I receive your peace, Father.


March 28, 2018

Journal entry

Lynda and I drove into Ft. Gordon for Dominick’s graduation [her last trip0. They almost turned us away because Lynda’s driver’s license is expired. Took a lot of pictures of Dominick’s graduation. We then went out to dinner together. We were very tired by the time we got back to our room. You are my strength, and my wisdom, Father.

April 4, 2018

Journal entry

It was cooling down today so I took a walk down to the lake. Lynda felt sick all day. We had a light supper and watched a new movie. Read to Lynda. Our hope is in you, Father.


April 6, 2018

Journal entry

Called Dr. Gynther’s office to talk about Lynda’s digestive issues. After lunch I drove into Lagrange to run errands and buy groceries. We had snacks for supper and watched a movie. Read to Lynda. I make my home in you, Father.


April 12, 2018

Journal entry

It was a beautiful, warm spring day. Lynda tried to eat some eggs but became very sick. Something seems to have attacked our digestion. Read to Lynda. I rest in you, Father.


April 15, 2018

Journal entry

Did some reading before the service at CBC. Lynda was feeling very sick. Had a very light lunch.... Visited with Mom and Dad. Read to Lynda. Lynda gave me a generous birthday gift card to Amazon.... You are my life, Father.


April 26, 2018

Journal entry

Lynda was up early so we could drive to the Emory Clinic for fasting lab work. I then took her to IHOP for a bit of breakfast. We then both got our hair cut and it started to rain hard on the way home. Lynda rested and I did some work.... Called Mom to wish her a happy birthday. Read to Lynda, who went to bed early, very tired. You are good, Father.


May 1, 2018

Journal entry

Didn’t sleep as well with the plumbing problem. Lynda had a particularly hard time. Arranged for a local plumber to come by this afternoon. After lunch I worked on my book - composing the last chapter. The plumber came by and was able to easily fix the toilet. I walked down to the lake - it was a warm May day. We ate supper and watched Little House. Lynda’s stomach still giving her trouble but she doesn’t want to see a doctor until I get back from Virginia. Read to Lynda. I depend on you, Father.


May 9, 2018

Journal entry

Up very to pack for my trip. Lynda and I had a time of prayer together before I headed to ATL. After running the gauntlet at the airport I flew to Richmond in a little over an hour. Rented a car and drove the 2 hours to Virginia Beach. It was like driving through history - Yorktown, Williamsburg, James Town, Hampton, Norfolk, etc., etc. I was so immersed in the drive that I overshot my motel. Stopped for a late lunch and made my way to my motel in Chesapeake. Called Lynda right away. I then settled in for an evening of work, thankful that my laptop worked so well after having a problem last evening. Recorded a reading from Jan Karon and called Lynda to pray together. Guide me, Father.


May 13, 2018

Journal entry

A good flight at to ATL. I went through the whole process of getting out and away from the airport, calling Lynda to tell her I was on my way home. Spent some time giving Lynda a report of my trip before unpacking and settling in. James called Lynda and I called my Mom for Mother’s Day. Read to Lynda. We are both very tired. You are faithful, Father.


May 14, 2018

Journal entry

Lynda and I drove into Lagrange for her cardiology appointment. Spent some time talking to the doctor about her fatigue - he recommended she make that a priority when she sees Nicole. Had a light supper and watched Little House. Read to Lynda. Still tired. You are my strength, Father.


May 18, 2018

Journal entry

Lynda’s 71st birthday. Up for breakfast and a time of prayer. Lynda was up early. Gifts arrived for Lynda all day. I picked up her special dinner at Country Store and we watched one of her favorite movies. Read to Lynda. Charity and Dominick called. We’re under a tropical weather system - rainy and muggy. You are my joy, Father.

Facebook post

My wonderful wife, Lynda Asplund, is celebrating another great anniversary of her 39th birthday today. I decided to keep the Christmas tree and decorations up and to no longer "count down" to Christmas, since every day with Lynda is Christmas day for me, a wonderful gift from our loving, generous Father. I love you, sweet wife, today and every day. We celebrate the gift of you today!

May 20, 2018

Journal entry

Hosted the 12:30 online service for CBC. Lynda’s digestion was messed up all day. Charity called to talk to her mom. Visited with Mom and Dad on the phone. Lynda is concerned about her annual echo tomorrow. Read to Lynda. I trust you, Father.


May 21, 2018

Journal entry

Lynda was in a lot of pain, so I cancelled her echocardiogram and scheduled an appointment with Dr. Gurley for Wednesday morning. Drove into town to get a prescription for Lynda. Mom called to check on Lynda. Read to Lynda. I hope in you, Father.


May 22, 2018

Journal entry

Lynda was up most of the night and the morning having explosive diarrhea. She is very sick. Seeing Dr. Gurley tomorrow will be timely. I helped her clean up several times and tried to make her comfortable. Read to Lynda and tucked her in early. My hope is in you, Father.


May 23, 2018

Journal entry

Up early to prepare for Lynda’s doctor appointment. She was in tremendous pain at the clinic - I took her to the bathroom 4 times during the appointment. Called Mom in the midst to have her pray. The lab sent someone up to draw blood and they took Lynda out in a wheelchair, she was that weak. The doctor prescribed a pain medication and scheduled an ultrasound on her pancreas for Friday and a barium cat scan for next Wednesday. Took Lynda home as fast as I could - she didn’t have another accident until we were pulling into the garage. I drove back into Lagrange to pick up her prescription and buy groceries. We had to throw out the bathroom set so I went to Walmart to replace it. Lynda had a bite to eat and we watched Andy Griffith. Read to Lynda. Our lives are in your hands, Father.

Facebook post

Lynda has been very sick lately in a lot of pain, so although it was difficult, we made it in to her Gastroenterologist this morning. They drew blood and are setting up a barium CT scan and an ultrasound of her pancreas. Thank you for your prayers!

May 25, 2018

Journal entry

Lynda tried to get up to go to the bathroom and fell against the night table, injuring her back. That injury is now far more painful than the pain in her abdomen. We were able to get to the clinic for the ultrasound of her abdomen but I had to help turn her. I got her home and back to bed. Lynda is now completely dependent on me - which means both of us have to be completely dependent on the Lord. Feeling tired and depressed, wrestling with the shadow side of my temperament. I fixed a breakfast for  supper and then read to Lynda. She was able to eat a bit. Got her back into bed and I spent some time reading. Lead me into your rest, Father.


May 26, 2018

Journal entry

Lynda slept late this morning. I brought my reading and laptop downstairs so I could stay close. Had a time of prayer and reading. Lynda’s pain is less today, probably pointing to the fact that she has not suffered a serious injury to her back. Her hip and ribs are very bruised. Had a light lunch and supper. Read to Lynda. I trust you, Father.

May 27, 2018

Journal entry

Had a bit of trouble sleeping due to pain in my left hand. [Lynda thought it was from needing to lift her.] Had a time of prayer and reading downstairs. Lynda didn’t sleep as well last night and rested in her room all day. Ate a light supper in the bedroom so Lynda and I could visit. Called Mom and Dad - they have been worried about Lynda. Read to Lynda. Got Lynda to bed late - she was very tired and nauseated. You are my strength, Father.

May 28, 2018

Journal entry

Memorial Day. Slept in this morning. Had a time of prayer and reading downstairs, waiting for Lynda to wake up. Lynda didn’t leave her room all day. Communicating messages all day about her health. Read to Lynda this evening. We prayed together for Jason Hubbard who is having surgery for a brain tumor in the morning. You are my portion, Father.


May 30, 2018

Journal entry

Up very early to take Lynda to the clinic for a barium CT scan. She had been trying to drink the barium and threw some of it up before she got in the scan. She was in a lot of pain so the technician had me come in to help. I eventually got her home, where she was sick the rest of the day. Brought my computer downstairs after lunch and worked off-and-on the rest of the day, sleeping off-and-on. Read to her a couple of times this evening and helped her get to bed for the night. Communicated with Lanny [Hubbard] about Jason and with Jim [Flynn] who had surgery. You are our hope, Father.

May 31, 2018

Journal entry

After a light lunch...I drove into Lagrange to pick up some supplies at Walgreens and Publix. Lynda was feeling worse by the time I got home. I ate supper and spent time reading to Lynda. Still no word from the doctor. Tucked Lynda in bed. We fix our hearts on you, Father.


June 1, 2018

Journal entry

Lynda was very weak and slept most of the day. Made some chicken soup this evening, the smell of which drew Lynda out of bed. I believe she is suffering from some depression. We actually watched a movie together this evening. Read to Lynda. All we need is you, Father.


June 2, 2018

Journal entry

Lynda was up fairly early, feeling better. Drove into town to pick up Lynda’s medication. We ate soup for supper and started to watch a movie. Lynda ate some jello that I bought for her, which made her sick. I read to her before tucking her in. Our hope is in you, Father.


June 4, 2018

Journal entry

Up early this morning. Lynda was also up early and I helped her get started. After lunch I was able to work on my book. Lynda spent some time visiting - she’s very emotionally drained from chronic pain. Read to Lynda and tucked her in. I wait for you, Father.


June 5, 2018

Journal entry

Lynda didn’t sleep well last night so she slept longer this morning. Helped Lynda with some morning meds and a bit to eat. Everything she eats upsets her stomach so she is not eating much, getting weaker every day. She laid in bed most of the day. Spent time reading to Lynda and eating a light supper in her room. Read to Lynda and tucked her in. We have our consult with Dr. Gurley in the morning. Lord, have mercy. We need your wisdom and your divine intervention, Father.


June 6, 2018

Journal entry

Didn’t sleep much last night. Up very early to help Lynda get ready for our early morning appointment with Dr. Gurley. The purpose was to discuss test results from the last two weeks. Her conclusion: her symptoms are not a result of something going wrong in her digestion but rather in her liver. She speculates it is liver cancer, but we are deferring to Dr Gynther. We stopped by the lab for more work and an appointment was made with Dr. Gynther for next Monday. I then took Lynda home and put her back to bed before turning around and driving back to Lagrange. I picked up a prescription for her and bought some groceries. She had not been able to sleep so I gave her one of the new anti-nausea pills and she felt much better almost immediately. Lynda is exhausted so I got her to bed early. Communicated with family about the situation. As has always been true, we are committed to living one day at a time, seeking God’s glory in every day. Every day we are alive it is for a purpose. We don’t know what God’s timetable is for any of us, but we want to stay close and be alert and responsive. Let your glory be reviewed and your enemies be scattered, Father.


June 7, 2018

Journal entry

Slept in a bit this morning. Had breakfast and a time of prayer. Focused on not being anxious. Lynda felt bad all day. After lunch I worked on my book. Ate some soup in Lynda’s room. She hasn’t felt like eating. Read to Lynda. You are our life, my Lord.


June 11, 2018

Journal entry

Up early this morning after a relatively sleepless night. Helped Lynda get the day started. Lynda felt very sick all day but we drove into for our appointment with Dr. Gynther. He has diagnosed stage four liver cancer with no treatment possible, just pain management. He also said that opioids put the colon to sleep, which is why Lynda hasn’t had a BM in 11 days - another source of great discomfort. We picked up laxatives and morphine on the way home. Lynda is handling it better than me. I read to her and helped her get ready for bed. She is so weak and tired. Sent a prayer request to CBC. We both need to abide in the Presence of the Lord moment-by-moment. Thunder storms all night. I submit to you, Father.

June 12, 2018

Journal entry

Trouble sleeping last night. Exercise, breakfast and prayer. Lynda started to move the 11 days of fecal matter out, which also resulted in vomiting. Some clean-up involved. Communicated with family and co-workers. Read to Lynda off-and-on. Tucked her in bed ASAP. The tendency is to panic, but we are waiting for the Lord, trusting in him, giving thanks for every new day we have together. Fill me with you Spirit anew, Father.


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We finally met with our oncologist late yesterday and got his official diagnosis. Lynda has stage 4 liver cancer. It developed very quickly and is spreading aggressively. No treatment is recommended, just pain management. I am focused on making her as comfortable as possible. I set up Christmas decorations in her room. Every day is a gift. Thank you for your prayers.

Some prayers are always the right prayers, prayers that always accord with God's will, prayers that will always be answered:

Father,
Let your glory be revealed
Let your enemies be scattered
Let the name of Jesus be lifted up and exalted
Let your Gospel triumph and prevail

Text message to Charity & James

I'm sorry I haven't communicated sooner. Mom is very sick and weak and she can't do anything for her self. It is an honor to serve her. The diagnosis: stage four liver cancer. It developed and progressed very quickly, independently of the other cancers. It is too advanced to treat, so the plan going forward is pain management. It's hard. Don't like talking about it. Mom is at peace with any outcome. I'm focused on helping as long as I can 24/7. We love you. 

I'm totally focused on caring for your Mom. We've spent much of the morning cleaning up vomit and diarrhea, washing sheets, etc. 

June 13, 2018

Journal entry

Having some trouble sleeping - I want to be available to Lynda in the night. Napped for a couple of hours in the chair before getting up for the day. Lynda slept until past noon.... Helped Lynda get the day started before driving into Lagrange. Picked up some supplies at Walgreens and Walmart. Helped Lynda take a bath and wash her hair when I got home. Lynda was very nauseated all evening. Read to her extensively before getting her into bed late. You are my strength, Father.

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On several occasions I have had the honor of standing in the gap with and for a dear friend as they battled a fatal condition. In each case I knew there were only two possible things the Lord wanted to do in that situation: (1) Reveal his glory by working a notable miracle, or (2) Reveal his glory by calling my friend home. So I've always prayed for both, trusting the Lord to get it right. Yesterday, Roxy reminded me that our dear friend Howdy Sligar had confessed that he was in a win/win situation at the end. We feel the same way.

Note to my wonderful friends. You are so supportive and caring and we love you! Just to let you know, our phones are silenced in an effort to have peace. It is a quirk of my introverted personality that talking about a stressful situation only makes it more stressful. I can read and write but not talk. I apologize for not answering my phone. I know it's rude but it's what we need right now. Thanks so much for your understanding.

"Let God arise; let his enemies be scattered" (Psalm 68:1).

Text message to Charity & James

Mom slept till noon. I helped her take a bath and wash her. An adventure. Mom was already too sick by her birthday to open any presents so I put them under the Christmas tree. 

Mom is very nauseated today, unable to eat. She is resting. I installed support bars around her toilet. Living one day at a time. I go in often to just look at her. I'm reading her a Narnia book. 

June 14, 2018

Journal entry

Lynda was very nauseated all day, losing anything she tried to drink. She didn’t try to eat anything. Read to her off-and-on all day. Texted the kids. If she isn’t feeling better tomorrow I will need to consult with Dr. Gynther. I wait upon your strength, Father.


Text message to Charity & James

Hey guys, I suggested to Mom the possibility of a brief call, but any attempt to sit up or talk much makes her very sick. I'm hoping to get some better meds. In the meantime she is very peaceful if not cheerful. I hope you are having a good day. We love you. 

The doctor ordered a more powerful anti-nausea med for Mom, saying it would make her drowsy. I picked it and she felt so much better she asked to sit in her chair for the first time in two days. I heard giggling, then nothing. When I went in to check on her she was snoring in the chair, her phone laying in her lap. No pain and good sleep. Progress!

June 15, 2018

Journal entry

Lynda woke up early - she isn’t sleeping well. Read to Lynda. After lunch Dr. Gynther’s office called with a new prescription. I drove to Lagrange and picked up a floral arrangement on the way home. Gave Lynda the new med, which knocked out for over 5 hours. It kind of scared us both. James sent an audio greeting for Lynda. Read to her one last time. Fighting depression this evening. Let God arise and his enemies be scattered!


June 16, 2018

Journal entry

Up in the night to help Lynda. Had breakfast and a good time of prayer this morning. Served Lynda, reading to her, assisting her in any way I can. She can’t eat anything and is rarely lucid. I love her so much. I drove to Phenix City to pick up a new living room chair for Lynda - we have dubbed her “Auntie Fluffy.” I put too many wet towels in the dryer and broke it. After tucking Lynda in I worked on my book. Seeking a place of rest. Let your presence cover us spirit, soul and body, Father.

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I'm finding that my best strategy is to stay focused on the present moment, to rejoice in another day God has given us. Find a way to celebrate. If I begin to think too much about the future, what it will be like to be alone in this house, self-pity starts to set in and it becomes overwhelming. Sufficient for the day...

June 17, 2018

Journal entry

Helped Lynda get the day started - she is very weak. Read to Lynda. She felt a little better so sat in the chair and ate a little. Texted the kids - they’re concerned that we are trying to stay at home too long. Discovered that both of our phones stopped working. Spent some time with Verizon tech support online but no solution was found. If it’s an attack it’s a silly one. We have a follow-up appointment with Dr. Gynther in the morning. Trying to rest. You are my rest, Father.


Text message to Charity & James

Good evening, kids. Mom is getting weaker every day with a new intense pain in her lower abdomen. She can't eat and sleeps most of the time. She hasn't been lucid for days. She can't walk and I have to drag her to and from the bathroom. We have a doctor's appoint in the morning. Not sure how I'm going to et her there. The doctor might hospitalize her. I like to lay in be and hold her hand while she sleeps. Just a quick update. I love you. Dad

I'm thinking that tomorrow's doctor appointment will be the key. If Mom ends up in the hospital tomorrow, you may want to think about a visit. 

June 18, 2018

Journal entry

Didn’t sleep well last night. Anxiety. Arranged for a repairman to come by to fix our dryer on Wednesday. Called Dr. Gynther to say we wouldn’t be able to make this morning’s appointment. He then signed Lynda up Hospice care. Lisa Williamson came out to get us set up for Hospice and I communicated with the kids. They are planning on coming this week to say Good Bye. Some equipment was delivered for Lynda’s care - we’ve decided to do home care as long as possible. Making arrangements for family visits. Lynda was able to eat a little bit of cantaloupe. I read to her until late. Be my Companion and Friend, Holy Spirit.


Text message to Charity & James

Mom is not going to make the appointment. She is too weak. Hospice care is on the way to the house. Details to come.

Mom is now in hospice care. That means home care with regular visits from the nursing team. After the initial assessment (done by a friend from church), she feels that Mom does not have long and that now would be a good time for a visit. 

Grammy is communicating a Happy Birthday message to Joshua: "Hey, sweet boy. I love you and I miss you."

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Last night at midnight I woke up to ask Lynda if she needed to go to the bathroom. She said, "I already peed. I did it by myself. I'm healed! It's a miracle!" And then she went back to sleep. I'm grateful for that sweet dream and thankful for the promise of healing in this life and of the ultimate and final healing to come.

Lynda is now in hospice care. We will stay at home as long as possible with regular visits from the nursing staff. They don't anticipate a long transition. Pray for a gentle if not glorious graduation day.

June 19, 2018

Journal entry

Lynda was very weak, disoriented and in pain this morning. I tried to help but probably only made it worse. I called West Georgia Hospice and they arranged to transport her to the Hospice center in Lagrange. James met us on the way and we followed the ambulance into town. They gave Lynda a beautiful room and we spent time loving on her, praying with her, reading to her. The nursing staff did a wonderful job caring for her. I think she actually felt better by the end of the day. James stayed with Lynda while I went to the Higgins Funeral Home to make arrangements. Pastor Lamar came by and had a beautiful time of ministry and prayer for Lynda. James and I got some supper and Bob & Neva arrived. By the time we left Lynda was very tired. My heart is breaking. I know the Lord will need to be more of an anchor for my life since I have relied so heavily on Lynda. Doing paperwork for Higgins. I yield myself, spirit, soul and body, to your wonderful Holy Spirit.


Text message to Charity & James

Mom is weaker today. Not lucid. Someone is coming out this afternoon. I can have her transported to the Lagrange Hospice whenever we are ready. She is loath to do that but I'm running out of the ability to serve her, 

I'm arranging for in-patient care. I will send you the address. It may take time to make all arrangements. They will send an ambulance for her. I'll text you when the ambulance.

The ambulance is here.

We're at Hospice of Lagrange. We're in Room 12. 

June 20, 2018

Journal entry

Didn’t sleep well last night. A dryer repairman came over and said parts had to be ordered for the dryer. I then met someone from the City of Lagrange and bought a cemetery plot before spending the rest of the day at Hospice. James had spent the night - a wonderful blessing. Bob & Neva were with us all day. Charity and Ken came this afternoon. Lynda was very happy with family being together today. She is increasingly weak, having trouble swallowing, words slurred, etc. It breaks the heart. After everyone left I stayed and read to Lynda, held her hand. I cherish every moment with her. James agreed to spend the night again It’s hard. You are faithful, Father.


June 21, 2018

Journal entry

Up very early to get the day started. Bob and Neva stopped by for some final time together before flying back to Springfield. It was just James and I with Lynda the rest of the day. She was able to rest. We went to supper together - James has been wonderfully helpful to us during this time. He drove to the house and I spent the night on the couch next to Lynda. I had diet Coke for supper so was wide awake until 3:00. Just sat and prayed for Lynda. Finally got a few hours sleep. You are my peace, Father.

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James and I are waiting with Mom. "Very truly I tell you, you will see heaven open, and the angels of God ascending and descending on the Son of Man.” (John 1:51)

June 22, 2018

Journal entry

Lynda was feeling better and had a burst of lucidity. I  took the laundry to a laundromat. Lynda started to have digestive issues, stomach acid coming through her rectum and burning her skins. She is having trouble even holding down a sip of water. The staff is taking very good care of her. A severe thunderstorm rolled through. James and I then went to supper - he is arranging to further extend his stay with us - what a blessing. Caught up on some work while Lynda slept. You are my hope, Father.

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Lynda is having a surge of lucidity this morning. Did I say she has a wonderful sense of humor?

June 23, 2018

Journal entry

Slept fairly well in the room with Lynda last night. James stayed at the house and brought some items back with him for Lynda. I then drove to the house to take a shower and have breakfast. Don and his brother were there pressure washing the house. I was able to pay Don and arrange to have our yard mowed before I drove back to the Hospice. Lynda seems to be a bit stronger today, even a bit sassy. James drove to ATL to rent a second car - he has extended his stay further. Lynda and I took a nap. I read to Lynda. When James got back we went out for pizza - it’s been good catching up with him. Lynda was in pain this evening. We prayed together and I drove back to the house while James stayed with Lynda. Preparations for the day tomorrow. You are my life, Father.


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I must confess to being uncharacteristically emotional. Just a minute ago I started to tell Lynda, "Do you know what a blessing it is to be married to you?" She stopped by me and said, "Can we not talk about that?" Well, I said, "Why?" "Because it always makes your cry!" A couple of times a visitor has come in and she just points to me and says, "This one is having a hard time." Oh well. I'm not know for having a tender heart. Maybe that will change going forward.

"If we live, we live for the Lord; and if we die, we die for the Lord. So whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord" (Romans 14:8).

June 24, 2018

Journal entry

Slept fairly well at home while James stayed with Lynda. Had a prayer time on the way into town. Lynda slept all morning. Isabella came by to pray for Lynda. Reggie and JR drove down. We went to lunch with them and when we got back, Lynda was awake, so they were able to visit. We then took naps. Visited a bit before James went to the house for the night. At my urging, Lynda tried a bite of food but it made her very sick. Mom and Dad called for a brief visit. I read to her this evening. She was eventually able to go to sleep. I’m spending the night. You are my hope, Father.


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Lynda sleeps most of the time now. But when she is awake, she is very joyful and funny. It seems odd, but we spend a fair amount of the time laughing. My brother Reggie was with us today. He is the Chaplain of a Retirement home and he said that not everyone is joyful at the end of life, that it's a sign of great faith and peace with God. Just another reason to be thankful for Lynda, for the grace and presence of the Lord.

"He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away" (Revelation 21:4).

June 25, 2018

Journal entry

Lynda had a hard time sleeping last night - as did I. She felt very sick, a pattern that continued through the day today. She is getting very weak. Bob and Neva arrived in their RV. James was a great blessing, as always. I already miss Lynda so much. I don’t know what I’m going to do. Another thunder storm this evening. Getting ready for bed early so I can head back tomorrow early. I need you, Father. 

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I've been reflecting on the joy of the Lord. It seems as though the character of Jesus was marked by "fullness of joy." Our experience of eternity is simply described as entering into our Master's joy. Indeed, the first Christians were known for their joy. One of the evidences of the presence of the Holy Spirit is joy. If joy can be found in the Presence of the Lord, and if that Presence is with us now (especially where God's people are praising), then perhaps we can expect to experience some of that fullness of joy even now. 

Bob and Neva  are back with us today. Lynda is very sleepy but happy to see them.

"For we know that if this earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life" (2 Corinthians 5:1, 4).

June 26, 2018

Journal entry

James spent the night with Lynda. Bob & Neva stopped by a couple of times. Lynda had a spell of choking, which sapped what little strength she had. Her tongue is swollen and she is having trouble swallowing. They are also concerned about a bed sore. James went to supper with Bob and Neva and brought me back a turkey sandwich. The nurse gave Lynda her night time pills and moved her onto her side - we’ll see how she does with it. I’m spending the night. Lead us into your rest, Father.


June 27, 2018

Journal entry

Didn’t sleep well last night. Lynda woke up in distress. B/P 53/38, labored breathing, unable to swallow or speak. James rushed to the Hospice and we spent the day praying, holding her hand, reading to her. By the evening her B/P was back to normal. The nurse explained that Lynda is “transitioning” and that her vitals will be irregular. James and I both spent the night at the Hospice, taking turns on the couch in the living area. Didn’t get much sleep. We wait for you, Father. 

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Lynda is "transitioning" - a process I am experiencing for the first time. She can't eat or drink or communicate. James is here with me - waiting for the Lord. We know we are not completely subject to a biological process but that the Lord is in control.

"However, as it is written, 'What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived' - the things God has prepared for those who love him" (1 Corinthians 2:9).

June 28, 2018

Journal entry

Stopped by Starbucks on the way back to Hospice. Bob and Neva were there, saying their final Good Byes to Lynda. Lynda was unresponsive all day, having a very difficult time breathing, a deep rattle in her chest. We stayed by her side the rest of the day. James picked us up sandwiches for supper. Read to Lynda (I think she can hear me.) James and I set up in her room and went to bed early. Waiting and watching. You are faithful, Father.

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Sitting here with Lynda during her last moments has brought to mind a question: What is this end-of-life experience all about? Who is it all about? After all, we all know we are mortal, that death is the end of this journey for all of us. Upon reflection, what really amazes me is the length to which Jesus went to make it possible for each one of us to spend eternity with him, to be with him where he is. He must love us a lot to humble himself by coming as a human being, suffering and dying, all so that a very large family could occupy heaven, and ultimately, the new heavens and the new earth. The glory of this moment is the glory of a God that loves us that much. That's why we are a people of hope and gratitude, even (if not especially) at the end of our mortal journey.

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am" (John 14:1-3).

June 29, 2018

Journal entry

Lynda went Home this morning at 6:50. The Lord woke me up at 5:24 with a sense he was calling her home. It was a holy time, the end of a difficult experience. While I know she is very happy, her loss will leave a huge gap. I guess I’m going to have to grow up. James and I packed up all our stuff and went home to shower and have a light breakfast. Tried to communicate with as many people as possible. We then drove into Lagrange to meet with Jeff Higgins at his funeral home. We then met with Lamar (on his day off) to arrange a service for next Tuesday. Ate lunch at IHOP and drove home. I tried to take a nap but was too preoccupied. We drove to the local florist to arrange for flowers  for Tuesday’s service. You are my Comforter, Lord.

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Lynda is HOME!

[I heard the Lord speak/sing to Lynda these words] "Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, come with me. See! The winter is passed; the rains are over and gone" (Song of Solomon 2:10-11).

July 1, 2018

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All of the really great marriages end in death. We made a promise, "Till death do us part."

A big question for those who lose a spouse to death is how to define the way forward. It obviously cannot be business as usual. Some things remain the same but so many things at the core of life must change. For me, I feel the need to steward the unique and wonderful contributions made by Lynda. Our personalities were the exact opposite and we had very different spiritual gifts. We complemented each other extremely well. But I also learned to lean on her contributions, almost to take them for granted. Lynda was a wonderful intercessor with very sharp discernment. The character traits of humility, wisdom and compassion were fully developed in her life. Somehow I feel the need to step into the light she shined on the world, at least to some extent, to pick up the mantle and allow my unique life and contribution to reflect a little bit of her own during whatever remaining days God has assigned to me. Not having her to lean on does not mean I can't grow in those areas myself.

While Lynda was increasingly unconscious as a Hospice in-patient, occasionally she would open her eyes, look around and say, "Well...," an expression she learned from her good friend, Carrie Clark, and then go back to sleep (or wherever it was she went to). And then there was the time she looked around and said, "Well this is grim." Memories.

"For the perishable must clothe itself with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality. 'Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting? But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ" (1 Corinthians 15:53, 55, 57).

July 2, 2018


Journal entry

James and I walked down to the lake this morning before showers and breakfast. Had a devotional time and James and I spent the rest of the morning visiting. He fixed lunch for us and we had a prayer time before he left for the ATL airport. It was hard seeing him go. He has been such a profound blessing to both Lynda and me. I pray the Lord will pour out a blessing on him in a fresh way. Preparations for tomorrow. Reading and prayer. I know I am not alone. God is with me and I also feel the permanent deposit Lynda left in my life, meaning she is with me as well. I draw near and submit to you, Father.

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I'm looking forward to a wonderful Celebration of Lynda Asplund's life tomorrow, July 3. Lynda and I were the only Georgians in our family. While many family members traveled from Texas, Missouri and Florida to be with Lynda in Hospice, they will not be with us tomorrow. My brother Reggie Asplund, his wife Sandi Asplund and their grandson JR will be with us from Chattanooga, but they will be the only family. So, I look at tomorrow's Celebration as a local community event, intended especially for our dear friends from Columbus, Pine Mountain and Lagrange.


July 3, 2018

Journal entry

The Celebration of Lynda’s life. Up early for breakfast and a time of prayer. We had an informal “Visitation” at 11:30, followed by the service at 1:00. It was so good to see so many of our friends there - from Columbus and Lagrange. The Gavins were there and Dean and Patty Demos as well as Jon Ernsburger from Lagrange College, etc. Lamar and his team did a wonderful job - Lynda would have been embarrassed. We had a short service at the cemetery, followed by a repast at the church. Reg and Sandi stayed with us to the end. The ladies sent more food home with me than I could ever eat - I hope to share it with others. I miss Lynda every minute but also know we are still connected by God’s Spirit. I will begin a certain amount of adjusting tomorrow here in the house. You are with me, Father, Emmanuel.


Text message to James

Having an open casket is harder than I thought it would be.

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We had a beautiful Celebration of Lynda's life and ministry today. The impact she has had on the lives of many around the world is profound. She would have been embarrassed at all the nice things that were said about her, but they were all true. It was especially great to have my brother Reggie and his wife Sandi and grandson JR with us. Many thanks to our wonderful New Community Church family who once again gave evidence of their quality. It was also wonderful to see our first Georgia friends from Columbus, including Virginia Cornett, Randal Langley, Ron Gavin, Ronald and Joanne Cottle, and Cindy Winkles. There were even our good friends Dean and Patty Demos from our PBC days. And there were so many more, from Lagrange College, from CLST Global, and from NCC. It was a beautiful day. I am greatly comforted, knowing that I am not alone, that God has given us a wonderful family here in Georgia.

July 4, 2018

Journal entry

Up very early - having some trouble sleeping. Walked around the lake before breakfast. Had a good time of prayer - I hope to share some of Lynda’s intercessory anointing. The guys from Higgins brought a ton of flowers by from the funeral - I put them on the back patio with Lynda’s flowers. After lunch I began to clean up and straighten up. Took the Christmas decorations down - I will need some new decorative items for the living room. This is the first day of the rest of my life - I hope to mature and be more focused going forward, trusting in the Lord to guard and guide me. I would keep in step with your Spirit, Father.

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The Funeral Home delivered flowers to our house this morning. You were able to see some of the wonderful floral arrangements in yesterday's picture of the Celebration service. I had no idea some of them would find a place inside and outside of my home. It is truly amazing, and an indication of how much Lynda was loved. Here are some pics of today's flowers. All of the larger arrangements on stands are at the burial site. I plan on going there tomorrow to take some pictures. I see cards from the following friends and family: The Branch Church (where James serves on the staff), CLST Global (where I serve on the staff), Cross Road School of Theology (a CLST school), Mark and Susan Jones (dear friends from Portland), Tommy & Marsha Rano (wonderful CLST colleagues), Sam & Becky Southard (old friends from Springfield), Ray & Diane Kaufman (Lynda's close cousin), Faith Christian Center (the Shireks), Ray & Karon Burmood (more good Springfield friends), Redeemer Church (the Servellos), Jonathan & Kristi Biggers (Jonathan grew up in the church in Springfield, attended PBC, and is now the Lead Pastor at a great church in Washington), Rob & Grayce Mitchell (my cousin), Johnny & Sandra Edwards (CLST pastors), Ruby & Warren, Carol & David, Norman, Elaine, Dan & Kathy (3 aunts, an uncle and a cousin, all on the Asplund side). Wow! I love you all!

"Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your] life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory" (Colossians 3:1-4).
Text message to James

You mom was well-loved, very evident yesterday. 

July 5, 2018

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I like how Paul explains it in 2 Corinthians 5:1-5: "For instance, we know that when these bodies of ours are taken down like tents and folded away, they will be replaced by resurrection bodies in heaven—God-made, not handmade—and we’ll never have to relocate our “tents” again. Sometimes we can hardly wait to move—and so we cry out in frustration. Compared to what’s coming, living conditions around here seem like a stopover in an unfurnished shack, and we’re tired of it! We’ve been given a glimpse of the real thing, our true home, our resurrection bodies! The Spirit of God whets our appetite by giving us a taste of what’s ahead. He puts a little of heaven in our hearts so that we’ll never settle for less." (MSG) 

Our temporary, mortal bodies are the tent we inhabit for the days God gives on this journey. Although "fearfully and wonderfully made," they are still temporary by design. The day comes when our tent is "taken down and folded away." Even if we provide a place of honor for that folded tent, it's important to realize that our permanent, immortal bodies await us, in some form in heaven and ultimately in a resurrection form at the end of the age. It was hard seeing Lynda's tent taken down, and we have now folded it away. At the same time, I can't help but rejoice that Lynda has discovered a whole new way of living - abundant life, Life after life. So many times she said, "Stupid body! When do I get a new body?" to which I replied, "Soon enough, don't be in a hurry." She was genuinely happy about her final days, ready to move on, to upgrade. I know she is loving living in perfect peace, perfect love, and fullness of joy. And I know Lynda is making an important contribution in her more permanent home.

I drove out to the cemetery today to see all the flowers on Lynda's grave. Although the floral arrangements were all together I found several wonderful expressions of love from dear friends and family: Shirlee Parks (Lynda's sister), Portland Bible College (where both Lynda and I served for 18 years), Gary & Vicki, Mary Schmitt and Vickie D (dear friends from Springfield, now living in Florida), Reggie and Sandi, Heather & Greg and Heidi (my brother and his family), and Ruby & Warren, Tim & Lori, and DeAnn and Dan (my aunt and cousins). What an honor to once again see the love everyone far and near had for Lynda. I love you back!

Text message to James

I'm keeping busy. Thanking the Lord for the gift of Lynda, how much I love her and how happy I am for her. 

July 6, 2018

Journal entry

Up very early again - still not sleeping well. I have decided to drive to Florida tomorrow to be with family. The appliance repairman finally fixed our dryer so I did some loads of clothes. Told my neighbors about my trip out-of-town. I still can’t believe Lynda is gone - her absence is felt every minute of the day. Yet, I am also happy for her. No more sorrow or pain - the former things have passed away. You are with me, Father.


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I have often reflected on the amazing development of Lynda's ministry of intercessory prayer. It really began when her heart failed for the first time in 1998. Her otherwise hyper, public lifestyle came to a screeching halt, and she had to seriously seek the Lord about his direction for her future. That's when she began to give herself to the ministry of intercession. Being in a great church with powerful prayer DNA was fertile soil for that development. Since her heart failed for the third time in 2012, then three cancer diagnoses, she literally gave herself to prayer as a "full time job." That was almost all she did. In fact, it got to the point that she prayed in her sleep. My son James saw that for himself at Hospice when I drew attention to his Mom's lips moving while sleeping. It was possible to read her lips and see what she was praying for.

Some think that heaven is a permanent vacation, but I see heaven as a very busy place, each one playing a vital role in the ongoing mission of God. After all, Jesus, as our faithful High Priest, "ever lives to make intercession" (Hebrews 7:24-25). Several times the book of Revelation presents a picture of the saints gathered around the throne, offering prayers as incense before the Lord (5:8; 8:4). I can easily imagine that Lynda's life was so completely occupied with prayer, somehow the only way she could be more effective was if she were called to take her place at God's throne. I can almost see her, arms raised, calling out our names, interceding for God's Kingdom to come, God's will to be done, in our lives, in our times and places.

July 7, 2018

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I have been wrestling with a math problem. The goal of any good marriage is intimacy or oneness. Every decade of a marriage has the potential of adding new levels of oneness, two people thinking and living as one. While the first year transition can be very challenging, usually because two people insist on continuing to think and live as two people, over time intimacy becomes increasingly automatic. Put in terms of a math formula: 1 + 1 = 1. Now the dilemma - if that formula became a math proof over time, how does the removal of one of the 1s affect the formula? Does the remaining “1" become a "1/2"? At the same time, I realize 

July 9, 2018

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During times like this we Jesus followers pray for comfort. The more I think about it, the more I see comfort not so much as a feeling but as a relationship. For me, comfort depends on a relationship with the Comforter. I love the fact that the word translated "comforter" refers to a person who is called to be alongside of, next to and in intimate relationship with another. In that sense, comfort is really a Person. It's so wonderful that we can receive divine comfort from God in our relationship with the Comforter, the Holy Spirit. Being a comfort to someone else is also about a relational connection. A shared life with someone else, especially when the Comforter is the common element, is indeed a comfort.

July 12, 2018

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It's been so great spending the week in St. Augustine. I stayed with Mom and Dad and spent a lot of time talking and praying together. I also had a sweet time with Gary & Vicki  Welter, I attended the marketplace luncheon started by Dad, and spent the evening with Charity and Ken Toombs, my daughter and son-in-law. Tomorrow I head home to seek the Lord, day-by-day, for a new life with a new rhythm and pattern. My entire life revolved around caring for Lynda, a true honor and joy, providing much of the meaning of my life. I know I'm not alone, but will need wisdom to discern a new way for the next chapter.

July 13, 2018

Journal entry

Didn’t sleep well last night. Showered and had an early breakfast, packing for the trip home. Had a final visit and a time of prayer with Mom and Dad. It was so great to be with them this week - so great that they are still with us. Had an uneventful 7-hour drive home. Picked up mail from our neighbors - they have been really great during this time, serving me well. Called Mom and Charity. Unpacked and settled back in. Having a hard time being alone in the house; I sense Lynda’s absence but I also sense the Lord’s Presence. You are my Hiding Place, Father.

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I remember a sermon my friend Frank Damazio preached on the text in Hosea 2:14-15: "Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her. There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope." "Achor" means "trouble." The Message translates it "Heartbreak Valley." Somehow this text is speaking to me this evening. We all have a variety of "wilderness experiences" in life, including times of trouble or heartbreak. Yet, the wilderness is where all of our baggage is stripped away, the place where we can find a new life of intimacy with our Divine Bridegroom. It is a place where the Lord promises to speak tenderly to us, to gently draw us into his embrace. God promises to turn our Valley of Heartbreak into a Door of Hope, the entrance into a new level of closeness, of sensitivity and responsiveness, even new hope for the future, of deeper and more abundant fruitfulness that is only possible as a result of a greater Oneness with our Lord. My heart is asking for that to be a reality, in my life and for others whose hearts are breaking in the wilderness.

July 14, 2018

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The other day I remarked to a dear friend at church that it is in times like these that our faith convictions, decisions and commitments are tried in the fire. We get to once again reflect - either all these ideas we believe are true or they are not! A moment when we can review our faith in order to clarify and reinforce the core of our belief system (and possibly be less dogmatic about things that are not at the center). I look forward to doing that together in the coming days.

Text message to James

I have waves of grief but I'm OK otherwise. You Mom was the bright light in every day. She brought out the best in me. I'm pretty boring without her. Since the Holy Spirit is with and in your Mom, my desire is to have a closer relationship with God's Spirit. 

July 16, 2018

Journal entry

Followed up on emails before driving to Lagrange. Dropped “thank you” notes off to the Hospice and Dr. Gynther. Went to the funeral home to pick up some final items, including the final bill. Did some home decorating with the items I purchased. Found prayers for the family Lynda wrote around 1985 - very moving and still relevant. You are my life, Father.

Text message to Charity & James

I've adopted a strategy from Home Alone. I'm shouting into the air, "Lynda, I'm watching The Hobbit and eating ice cream!" Immature I know, but it seems to help. 

July 17, 2018

Text message to Charity & James

Going through Mom's journals I found prayers she had written for us from around 1985. The one for me is till valid. 

July 19, 2018

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Once again today I can't help but celebrate the extraordinary blessing of being married to Lynda for 47 years - my love, my best friend, my companion, my counselor. No man has ever deserved that level of blessing - it is pure grace and generosity from the heart of the Father. Here is the first photo (on our wedding day) and the last photo (a selfie from December 2017 when we realized Lynda was too sick to travel to Florida for Christmas) taken of us together.

I completed the rough draft of a new book today. I was hoping to be done in time for Lynda to edit it. Now I will give it my best shot, hoping the Lord will allow her to look over my shoulder.

"Then I heard a voice from heaven say, 'Write this: Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord from now on'" (Revelation 14:13).

July 20, 2018

Journal entry

Up very early - couldn’t sleep. After breakfast I had a leisurely time of prayer. Caught up on emails before driving into Lagrange. Did some grading at Starbucks. Shopping at Home Depot, Walmart and Publix. Paid my bill at Higgins Funeral Home and got the information I needed at Parmer-Willis Monument. Watched “I Can Only Imagine” this evening - it nearly killed me! Began a GoFundMe project for Lynda’s memorial. Did some editing on my book. You are my joy, Father. Your grace is sufficient for me.


July 21, 2018

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There are not enough words to express how much I appreciate the West Georgia Hospice. They were a wonderful blessing, not only to Lynda during her final days but to our entire family. The staff of nurses and nurse assistants were always kind, professional, sensitive and responsive. Since James and I spent every night there they had to put up with us walking down to the nurses station in the middle of the night in our PJs and stocking feet, asking for one thing or another, and they were always kind and patient. The peace and even the joy of those days was significantly due to our friends at Hospice. Thank you! We will never forget! 

July 22, 2018

Journal entry

Up early to gather at NCC for worship. Seemed to have a hard time this morning and early afternoon - sad and lonesome, weepy. Talked with Mom and Dad on the phone. Bring peace and healing, Father.

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I am a task-oriented introvert. Among other things, that means I require a certain amount of quiet alone-time to stay energized. Lynda understood that very well, as a people-oriented extrovert, and was very wise and sensitive to that need. Occasionally I enjoy spending time away on a prayer retreat, usually at a Catholic monastery. Those times recharged my personal and spiritual battery. However, the highlight of each day was the opportunity to call Lynda on the phone so we could share a report of our day. Those of you whoever talked to Lynda on the phone knew her to be a wonderful conversationalist, always cheerful and encouraging as well as honest. Just hearing her voice made the day complete for me. I think my greatest adjustment now is knowing I can never hear her voice at any time of any day ever again - until that Day!

July 23, 2018

Journal entry

I’ve been reflecting in the fact that my care of Lynda was focused, not on making emotional connections but just on the external attempts to serve her. While sincere, it was fairly superficial. I missed the opportunity to connect and share in her feelings at the end. I see that as a relational pattern in my life. Being a task-oriented introvert is no excuse. I’m asking the Lord to deepen my ability to connect with the feelings of others, and with my own feelings - something I think probably scares me. Make me more like Jesus, Father.


July 24, 2018

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Went to the bank to close Lynda’s accounts. Went to the monument company to order Lynda’s memorial. Stopped by the grave site on the way home. Did some editing on chapter 3 of book from Matthew 6 about hypocrisy. I’ve been watching an early family movie from 2006 and quickly became irritated by the sound of my own voice. I was trying so hard to be funny and clever and smart, but it was just silly and immature, narcissistic. Especially when seen alongside of Lynda who was always mature and loving. Using humor as a “coping mechanism” just keeps authenticity and vulnerability from happening. It’s not too late to grow up. Lord, have mercy.

Text message to Charity & James

I'm not a good sleeper. I tend to get increasingly uncomfortable and start tossing and turning. Mom is a very light sleeper and it would always wake her up. I would turn over, see her awake, and she would say, "Are you OK?" I keep turning over concerned that I am keeping her awake, only to see that she isn't there. She's gone. Still adjusting. 

July 25, 2018

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I am concluding that having a broken heart presents the opportunity for deeper and wider growth in Christlike character. It can be difficult to just decide to "plow up the fallow ground of your heart," and then do it. However, life sometimes works like a plow. A tender heart in those times is a heart ready to cultivate new seed of character. I'm asking for growth in humility, wisdom and compassion, and I'm asking for greater authenticity and vulnerability.

Text message to James

I've been going through some of Mom's stuff - she never through anything away. I found a bunch of craft and sewing supplies, including her sewing machine and cabinet. You remember how Mom loved to sew. Her sewing machine cabinet is filled with supplies. 

July 27, 2018

Journal entry

Father, you are not the “God of the gaps,” but I thank you for filling the hole left behind by my sweet wife and your wonderful daughter. Thank you!

Text message to Charity & James

This evening I was devastated with a memory. Toward the end at home, before Mom was too weak to get out of bed, I would try to help her to the bathroom, sometimes moving too fast, even stepping on her toes. When she was done, I would ask her to put her arms around my neck and I would stand up for and with her. We would just stand there and hug. Then I would half carry half drag her back to bed. To the end, she was a very sweet, patient, brave, loving wife and best friend, and I miss her terribly.

July 28, 2018

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"WAIT!" During the last year Lynda and I considered several possible decisions affecting specific elements of our lives. The only answer we received from the Lord was, "Wait." Because the Lord is in complete control of timing, we knew that "Wait" meant "Wait." Little did we know that our lives would take a radical turn at the end of that year. When I think about it, I see the need to wait on three levels:

1. Wait upon the Lord. Wait in his presence. Seek to know him, serve him, to lovingly submit to his greater love and wisdom.
2. Wait for the Lord. Wait for what the Lord knows to be the perfect time to arrive. Only God can see all the elements, circumstances and people's lives that would affect timing.
3. Wait with the Lord. During Holy Week this year I was struck by the question of Jesus in the Garden: "Could you not wait with me for one hour?" Jesus didn't expect his friends to answer his questions, solve his dilemma or save him from what was to come. Jesus just wanted them to be with him, to wait with him. I realize that so many needed decisions require even God to wait, since the human beings involved and the Father's good desire for their lives need to align.

So we waited. At the end of the season of waiting, Lynda entered into God's glory. She is with Jesus where he is, seeing his glory face-to-face. And now, with a new chapter opening up, I still see the need to wait, knowing that the Lord's best plan for my life - for our lives - will be wonderful, if we are patient and faithful along the way.

Text message to Charity & James

I went through a storage box Mom moved from Portland and had never opened. It contained many of her favorite figurines. It's almost as though she viewed our time in Georgia as transitional. Of course, this entire mortal adventure is transitional. 

July 29, 2018

Journal entry

The one-month anniversary of Lynda’s Graduation. Gathered at NCC for morning worship. Lamar preached a message on forgiveness which gripped me in an important way. Hosted the second CBC service, a wonderful time of ministry in the Holy Spirit. Visited with Mom and Dad on the phone. I praise you, Lord, for you are with me. I love you.

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Today is the one month anniversary of Lynda's Graduation to Glory. Sometimes I feel like I'm stuck in a dream. I miss her. And I am happy for her!

PastorL at New Community Church preached a wonderful and important sermon on forgiveness this morning. It reminded me of the times Lynda struggled with forgiveness. Words had a very powerful effect on Lynda. Careless, insensitive words often deeply wounded her. resulting in serious pain. Although words didn't have that much power in me, we often prayed together about those painful words, often snide, petty criticisms of something superficial and essentially irrelevant. Lynda was so completely wonderful in every way I often wondered how she could be so wounded by the hurtful comments of insecure people, trying to find some superficial way they could think of themselves as superior to her. She was a godly woman who always chose to forgive and trusted the Lord for healing and peace. Yet, occasionally something would happen that resulted in the old wounds opening back up and bleeding again. Even toward the end, we had a time of weeping and prayer together as those old memories, from elementary school to the present time, came flooding back. I was so concerned that she come to know how much the Father loved her, that she would be able to hear the Father's "Well done!" and find a place of peace. That prayer has certainly now been answered. But it is now time for me to forgive. Now it is necessary for me to release my personal offense of how those words resulted in pain and a sense of rejection and even inferiority in my beloved. The final healing she has experienced signals the time when I too need to let go and allow a new peace and reconciliation to come to my own mind and relationships. "Give it to Jesus and let it go!" Amen!

Text message to Charity & James

A great heart is often a tender, sensitive heart, a blessing and a curse. A curse to the one with a soft heart, a blessing to everyone who knows her.

Text message to James

I'm still adjusting. It's still hard to believe Mom isn't here. I feel and hear her absence. The sunshine has gone out of my life. At the same time, I have a very sweet sense of the Lord's presence and love. Her passing was a life-changing experience. 

August 1, 2018

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Not everyone knows that Lynda was a wonderful seamstress (a skill she learned from her cousin Diane). She made all of Charity's baby clothes and outfits for others. She was also skilled in a variety of crafts, often making Christmas presents for others. I'm very gradually looking at the material things she left behind and notice the boxes of sewing and craft supplies, as well as her sewing machine and cabinet. Another of her amazing gifts that blessed so many!

I've always wondered about Paul's insistence that he was essentially dead. He claimed to have died with Christ, and was therefore dead to sin (Rom 6:2, 8). He commended other believers for dying with Christ (Col 2:20; 3:3). But the object of his dying was participation in new life (1 Thes 5:10; 2 Tim 2:11) and freedom from sin (Rom 6:7). "I die daily" (1 Cor 15:31). Jesus very clearly explained it in John 12:24-26. Somehow, Paul so identified with the death of Christ on the cross and the ramifications of that death, it completely changed his identity, his focus in life, his priorities and his values. While I have always loved the idea of the "power of the cross" (1 Cor 1:18), I have never really understood it - until now. I'm discovering that sharing in the death and dying of a very godly, spiritually alive and sensitive person, makes Paul's experience very real and very personal. My life will never be the same again - and I thank God for that!

August 3, 2018

Journal entry

The one-month anniversary of Lynda’s funeral. Didn’t sleep well last night. Up very early to walk to the lake before breakfast. Posted a video of Lynda’s Celebration Service. Had a time of prayer. Drove into Lagrange to follow-up at the SSA office, make a donation to Good Will, and buy groceries. The Hospice Chaplain came by for a visit. Great is your grace and mercy, Father.


August 4, 2018

Text message to Charity & James

I had a sudden and very clear memory of Mom's final moments while mowing the yard today. I remember dream that the Holy Spirit was resting on Mom, looking like a cloud of light with many-colored lights within, extracting Mo's precious and eternal soul from her mortal failing body. Then I heard the nurse assistant working on Mom. I looked at my phone and it was 5:24 a.m. I got up and noticed that the nurse had put Mom on her back, folded her arms across her chest and pulled the sheet up to her neck, positioning her t die. I quickly pulled her left arm out from under the sheet so I could hold her hand during her last moments. After awhile, James noticed I was sitting up and he got out of his bed. "She died very peacefully," I said. He came over by her side, took her and hand wept. We then wait for the nurses to come in and they officially "called it" at 6:50 a.m. I know I'm supposed to be focusing on the "happy memories," but memories of the last weeks, days and hours were traumatic enough they cut very deep grooves in my brain. I finished the yard, but it's hard to mow while weeping. Just thought I would share.

August 5, 2018

Text message to Charity & James

Listening to Pastor Chris's morning sermon on the way home from small group this evening a sweet memory from Hospice came to mind. During the final three days when Mom was transitioning, both James and I would occasionally take her hand, lean down and whisper into her ear, "Jesus is here." We said it because it was true - and it is true. Jesus is here. Good night, family. I love you.

August 7, 2018

Text message to Charity & James

Attending my first grief support group meeting. Have you two thought of doing that?

August 9, 2018

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I watched an old TV show this evening that had a wedding ceremony at the end. It reminded me of Valentines Day, 1998. Lynda had just been diagnosed with congestive heart failure. Her heart was very enlarged and very weak. She was almost too tired to get out of bed and was only given two years to live at best. It was hard being the main speaker at the Valentine's Day Banquet, but I remember saying that if I spent the rest of my life serving Lynda, it would have been a life well-lived. Then I led the couples in the traditional marriage vows, words that have been especially precious to me ever since. "I, _________ take you, __________, to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until parted by death. This is my solemn vow." Amen.

August 10, 2018

Journal entry

Up for breakfast, prayer and reading. Visited with Charity on the phone. A day filled with waves of grief. Thank you for your comfort, Father.

Text message to James

I can't get an image out of my mind today. It's of the hours Mom spent fighting for breath. What I keep seeing is her eyes fixed on mine the entire time, blinking, pupils not dilated, with a gaze that seemed to say, "Please help me. Please make it stop." It still breaks my heart. 

August 11, 2018

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My son James gave me a word of wisdom last night. He suggested that while it is necessary to process the emotions involved in grief, it is also possible that the Enemy could take advantage of me in a time of weakness and vulnerability. That it is necessary to discern that not only is there pain and loss but that dark spiritual forces are also looking for ways to rub salt into the emotional wound. I see that as timely wisdom.

August 12, 2018

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Drove to NCC to gather for worship. Ate lunch and the hosted the CBC online service - a “miracle service.” Texted with James. I’m am content with the knowledge that the Lord took Lynda home at precisely the time he intended to. All transitions are hard, but passing through them, we find ourselves in the midst of God’s preferred future. I trust you, Father.


August 13, 2018

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I had the privilege of participating in a "miracle service" at City Bible Church yesterday. Although part of the CBC Online service, it was great to be able to pray for people in need of a miracle. I was reminded of the many miracles Lynda experienced along the way. It was over 20 years ago that her heart failed; it was very weak and enlarged. We both felt the Lord wanted us to pray for a miracle, and by the fall, almost 20 years ago, her heart had returned to normal size and strength. Her cardiologist pronounced it a miracle, pointing out that even if and when an enlarged heart returned to normal size, it was misshapen as a result of being too big. Lynda's heart showed no signs of ever having been weak and enlarged. She had a miracle heart that kept beating strongly to the last moment. Even the cancer did now slow down her expectation of a miracle. The leukemia in 2015 was never more than "Stage Zero." The breast cancer in 2016/17 was completely eradicated and she was declared "cancer free." But when she turned 70, she told me she would not live long into her '70s, that the Lord had given her the full number of her days. So when she received word of a sudden development of stage four liver cancer on June 11, she said she knew this was her time to say Good Bye and that I was not to pray for her healing this time. One week later she was in hospice and the next week she was with the Lord in Glory. Even the last ten days in hospice were miracle days, as a steady stream of family and friends came by to pray and to be prayed for. Lynda was always laying her hands on visitors and praying for them. And then there was the night when a severe storm was heading toward Lagrange. Lynda grabbed our hands and said we needed to pray, only to find out the next day that there was a tornado in that storm but that it had dissipated before it came down on the city. Miracles every day until the last day - and faith for more miracles even now. "Your Kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in even." I believe!

August 14, 2018

Journal entry

Slept restlessly last night - ended up on the couch. Got up very early to go to my appointment with Dr. Terry. My B/P was good, knees doing much better. Stopped back by the SSA office. Had a light supper and attended my second grief support group meeting. I rest in you, Father.


August 19, 2018

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Recently, PastorL at New Community Church gave an excellent message on the gift and skill of discernment. It brought to mind my appreciation of Lynda's very mature and accurate sense of discernment. It also brought to mind how little I appreciated that early in our marriage. If you can believe it, I used to accuse her of just being critical and judgmental. I must have thought I was a more flexible, compassionate personality (haha - deception). I actually implied that her attitude meant she was the immature one while I was the more spiritual one. (In reality, I was the one who was an immature poser.) Only later did I learn that Lynda's gift was critically important, and in fact, was a gift God had given to me. I soon realized that I needed her gift and skill of discernment to balance out my tendency to over-think things and draw the wrong conclusions. Lesson learned. I wish it didn't take some husbands so long to embrace the gifts the Lord had provided them in their wonderful wives.

"For I am convinced that neither life nor death, neither angels or demons, neither the present or the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord" (Romans 8:38-39).

August 20, 2018

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Didn’t sleep well. Up very early for a doctor’s appointment. I am in good health - the doctor order a thyroid test and is referring me to Dr. Williams for a stress test. Mom called to say that Dad’s cardiologist has diagnosed a-flutter and will try to shock his heart back into a sinus rhythm. Requested prayer. Feeling anxious this evening - a product of a self-focus and being too tired. You are my peace, Father.

August 21, 2018

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Started looking at Lynda’s wardrobe. I’m feeling a general need to simplify my life. Attended the 3rd grief support group. I look to you, Father.

Text message to Charity & James

I'm beginning to gradually explore Mom's wardrobe. A couple of immediate observations: She had a vast wardrobe from Portland. Some items still have the tag on them. I can also tell you that 85 to 90% of the items were never worn after moving to Georgia. Another indication that she viewed Georgia as a transition. I know where she transitioned. I assume my transition will be confirmed over time.

August 23, 2018

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Just put hair spray on my arm pit. It's one of those foggy days on the grieving journey.

I've been reflecting on the ways I could have loved and served Lynda better, not by way of regret or guilt but rather to learn lessons of wisdom maybe someone else might benefit from. Here is Lesson #1: If I could do it (live with Lynda) over again, I would have eaten most if not all dinners at the dining room table rather than on a TV tray in front of the tube. In that way, I could have benefited even more from her wisdom, insights and feedback.

Text message to James

I'm feeling the need to simplify my life, including books and DVDs.

August 24, 2018

Journal entry

Stopped by the cemetery to see Lynda’s memorial before dropping by with a payment. Got a sandwich on the way to Good Will (with more donations) and Publix. Picked up a Starbucks and a floral arrangement for the memorial on the way home. Watched The Shack - it wrecked me. You are my joy, Father.

August 25, 2018

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Up very early to join members of our small group to do some community service. We ate brunch at Cracker Barrell afterward. I then cleaned off Lynda’s memorial and put the floral arrangement on it, taking pictures. Did laundry. Made a pancake for supper and started to pick out some books to donate. You are my hope, Father.

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I've been reflecting on the ways I could have loved and served Lynda better, not by way of regret or guilt but rather to learn lessons of wisdom maybe someone else might benefit from. Here is Lesson #1: If I could do it (live with Lynda) over again, I would have eaten most if not all dinners at the dining room table rather than on a TV tray in front of the tube. In that way, I could have benefited even more from her wisdom, insights and feedback.

"I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good therefore, that I can do or any kindness that I can show to my fellow creatures, let me not defer nor neglect it for I shall not pass this way again." Written on a bookmark I found in Lynda's library.

"Love always leaves a mark" (Papa).

August 27, 2018

Journal entry

Drove into Lagrange to run a couple of errands before my appointment with Dr. Williams. He loved Lynda and expressed his grief for her sudden passing. They are running a full range of tests on my heart. EKG and a heart monitor (which I have to wear for 28 days) today. Echocardiogram and stress test tomorrow. Dropped some items off at Good Will (I’m beginning to cull out some books) and stopped by Meadoway Gardens. Trusting the Lord. You are my hiding place, Father.

August 28, 2018

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Up early to drive into Lagrange to spend most of the day at the Emory Clinic. Memories of Lynda’s nightmare experiences there were very clear in my mind. Had my first echocardiogram and stress test. Thank you, merciful Father.

Text message to James

I spent several hours in the clinic where Mom spent a lot of time. Tests for my heart - so far passing with flying colors. Heart palpitations just due to stress.

August 29, 2018

Journal entry

The 48th anniversary of the day I met Lynda for the first time. The 2-month anniversary of her graduation to glory. Stopped by Columbus for coffee and drove to St. Augustine. Listened to the new book by Dallas Willard on the way. We went to dinner together. Visited and caught up on emails. I give myself to you, Father.

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I first laid eyes on Lynda on this day, August 29, 1970. It was at a coffeehouse, downtown Springfield, Missouri. She was singing on the platform, her platinum blond hair glowing under the black lights. It was love at first sight. I took her home that night and we were together almost every day afterward, best friends, soul mates, God's great gift and blessing to me, and to so many others.

It was two months ago today, June 29, that Lynda Graduated. I miss her 24/7. Part of the time my brain and heart are still not sure what has happened. Most of the time I am thankful that she is safe in the arms of the Father - as am I.

"But from everlasting to everlasting / the Lord's love is with those who fear him, / and his righteousness with their children's children - / with those who keep his covenant / and remember to obey his precepts" (Psalm 103:17-18).

August 30, 2018

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Had devotions with the folks. My heart monitor’s battery died so I took it off. Spent time visiting and watching Senator McCain’s funeral. Watched Lynda’ funeral - it was a very emotional time for us. We met Debbie and Janel for supper and Longhorns. Visited and prayed together. I trust you, Father.


September 2, 2018

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I recently asked my barber why my grey hair was so wild, sticking out, curling, flipping, doing it's own thing, some strands growing fast and others slow? She explained that hair becomes grey because they core has died, making it light and flimsy, hard to manage. I must admit that there are times when Lynda's passing feels like the core of my life has died, making my life flimsy and hard to manage. But then I ask, Wasn't it Jesus that brought us together? Wasn't Jesus the center of our marriage? Wasn't Jesus the core of our lives and relationship? Did Jesus die on June 29? No! So is it possible to place a beautiful relationship at the center of our lives, to make it the core of our lives, to make it into an idol? Yes. So while I grieve, giving thanks to God for the amazing gift of an awesome partner and best friend, my worship must be focused on the center, the source of every good and perfect gift, the true heart and core of my life. My grieving must somehow avoid the possibility of idolatry.

September 1, 2018

Journal entry

Up early this morning to shower and pack. Had a time of reading and prayer with Mom and Dad. Met Charity and Ken for brunch in Jacksonville - gave her some items from Lynda and some of my EdD textbooks. Then drove home - encountered rain along the way. My neighbor brought mail over. Very tired. You are my portion, Father.

September 4, 2018

Journal entry

Up very early to drive into Lagrange for a follow-up appointment with Dr. Williams and his team. As it turned out, I had evidently cancelled my appointment as a response to a text reminder. I don’t remember getting a reminder or responding with a cancellation. They got me in anyway, and all my tests came back normal. My EF is 55-60. Dr. Williams gave me permission to just send the heart monitor back. Wonderful! I dropped off some items at Goodwill and bought groceries. Attended Grief Share this evening. You are my life, Father.

Facebook post

I had my follow-up appointment with my cardiologist this morning. All the tests - echocardiogram, stress test - showed my heart to be normal. All is well. It was just stress and nerves. Dr. Williams was Lynda's cardiologist and loved Lynda, so he understood the huge change her passing has resulted in. I'm feeling better. Thank you for your prayers!

Text message to Charity & James

I donated some of Mom's wardrobe to Goodwill today - only those items I don't remember her wearing. I also donated a bunch of my books. Carrying on. 

September 7, 2018

Journal entry

Up very early to eat breakfast and prepare for Commencement. Drove to Douglasville in time to help set up before our Luncheon. I then presented a Workshop on new developments at CLST Global, followed by a Workshop from Dr. Langley. Virginia and I then conducted a graduation rehearsal. A great graduation service - always one of Lynda’s favorite things. Photos and fellowship afterward. I drove home, making good time. You are faithful, Father.

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A great CLST Global graduation celebration this evening - always one of Lynda's favorite events. Congratulations to the Class of 2018!

"Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. For we live by faith, not by sight" (2 Corinthians 5:6-7). 

September 9, 2018

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While visiting with my parents on the phone this evening I tried to share how I have been feeling about heaven. It's like I now have two homes. Lynda's is in her new home, the Home, while I am still here at home. And because I still feel connected to Lynda, it's like I have a home here and a Home there, and I'm comfortable with either one. After all, this home is temporary, and that's OK. Is that weird?

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal" (2 Corinthians 4:16-18).

September 11, 2018

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Our neighbors across the street have been so great during these times. The grandparents have significant health issues, so their daughter and her autistic son live with them. When I told the grandmother that Lynda had passed on/over/through she recalled the last time they had been together. Both of them had found their way to the adjoining mail boxes, both in their bath robes, and our neighbor had told Lynda that she had been having some health issues. Immediately, without thinking or asking for permission, Lynda laid hands on her and prayed for her. It was always Lynda's first and immediate response to lay her hands on someone and pray. I clearly remember the time James and I were with Lynda in Hospice. James was coughing and I saw Lynda's hand reach out toward James. He seemed a bit puzzled so I said, "She wants to pray for you." And she did. God's grace working in a person's life is a beautiful thing.

September 13, 2018

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Before Lynda's heart failed at the beginning of 1998 we were both very independent, self-sufficient, hyper-responsible firstborns. After her heart failed she became dependent on me and I increasingly on her. At one point I remember asking her an introvert question (tending to overthink everything): "Do you think we have become co-dependent in an unhealthy way?" She was used to fielding that kind of question from me, and after politely indicating that it was kind of a silly question, gave a simple, common sense answer. We were simply growing closer, becoming more connected, becoming "one" as a result of her weakness. Whenever I was gone for any amount of time, even if it was an hour to buy some groceries, she would greet me with sweet enthusiasm and declare, "I missed awfully, terribly, horribly!" Now I know what she meant. "I miss you awfully, terribly, horribly!"

September 14, 2018

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Participating in my Grief Share group at NCC has been a wonderful blessing. That group, along with the various books on grieving my friends have sent me in the mail (good grief!), there is one primary thing I have learned: Everyone grieves differently. There is not a common experience of grieving. So far I have learned two lessons: (1) God is with me. God doesn't promise to keep us from harm or prevent bad things from happening. After all, we are mortal and fragile, living in a world that has been twisted out of shape by human decisions to attempt to live independently from God. However, since God's primary purpose for humanity is relational, God is with us, sharing our pain, weeping with us, providing comfort and a Comforter. (2) God is committed to bringing redemption into every area of our lives. God's nature of love is to redeem - to bring good out of bad, beauty out of ashes, joy out of mourning, ultimately life out of death. We can expect and look for redemptive opportunities in the midst of our grieving. For me, that means celebrating the blessings that flowed out of the life of the dear one, God's choice servant, that I now miss, giving witness to the ways God's grace and faithfulness worked in and through her life, learning from her example and growing as a result. And of course, redemption ultimately means that the immortality she is experience is my destiny as well.

September 17, 2018

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According to much of the "grieving" literature, now is the time when I should be on the look-out for depression. At the same time, several prominent pastors have recently been preaching on depression in light of the suicide of a young pastor in California. Frankly, depression is not an option for me. Sad, yes. Lonely, yes. Depressed, no. I suffered from debilitating clinical depression in 1971 and again in 1998, and I understand that in that deep dark pit, death seems like a blessed relief. I also understand how that happened in my case. For me, the trigger that pushes me over the line is self-pity. In fact, I've found that self-pity is just about the most toxic thought pattern I can have. And it just takes a fairly fleeting thought to begin feeling the pull of the black hole. If I can avoid self-pity, by God's grace I can avoid depression. It is essential that I not begin thinking, "Why did this happen to me? What am I going to do now? I'm lost! My life is over!" I..I...I...me...me...me. People die because they are mortal. I'm still here, and God is with me. What is needed is a spirit of hope, even in the valley of shadow. "Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. My soul is downcast within me; therefore I will remember you" (Psalm 42:5-6).

My spiritual roots have been planted by a well named Bible Temple/City Bible Church in Portland, Oregon since January, 1972. It is my spiritual home. Almost immediately after Lynda's funeral I began planning a trip "home" to spend time with my oldest and dearest friends as well as so many family members (cousins, niece, etc.). I feel the need to soak up the wonderful atmosphere of my home church, to be refreshed, renewed, and maybe reset. So I'm off, and will be reporting from the beautiful Pacific Northwest.

September 19, 2018

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Drove around NE Portland before going back to the PBC campus to meet with the faculty. Ken had me catch them up and discuss “online learning.” I then drove to Multnomah Falls and part of the scenic highway. Back to the Malmins for dinner and more visiting. I seem to be talking a lot about Lynda - she is still the love of my life. Still a sign of early grieving. I wait for you, Father.

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I had a very joy-filled day. This morning there was the opportunity to do some work at my favorite neighborhood Starbucks on Fremont St., before driving around NE Portland. I was surprised at how much joy I was experiencing, until I realized that almost everywhere I went there were very happy memory of times with Lynda. Meeting with the PBC faculty was delightful. And then the Columbia River Gorge! We celebrated almost every wedding anniversary at the Multnomah Falls Lodge. While I have a true HOME that will make all of this pale in comparison, I was very blessed to have this sweet day in Portland.

Text message to Charity & James

Good morning, children. I'm teaching at PBC, speaking in chapel. Hope I remember how.

September 20, 2018

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After breakfast and a time of prayer and walked down to campus. Sat in on Lanny’s class. Shared a bit in one of Ken’s class. We then ate lunch in the cafeteria. Ken T. texted me to say Charity was in the ER - as it turned out, she was dehydrated. Ken handled it very well. Glenda fixed us supper, and then several old friends came over for fellowship and sharing. They had a time of prayer and prophecy over me - Lynda would have loved it. Got to bed late. I delight in you, Father.

September 21, 2018

Text message to Charity & James

Just had a prayer meeting at Ken & Glenda's - a season of refreshing.

I forgot how powerful PBC Friday chapel is - almost overwhelming for dry and thirsty land. Standing next to Mark Jones was a special treat.

September 22, 2018

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First day of Autumn. Up early for breakfast and prayer before driving to the Coast. Ate lunch at Cannon Beach and walked along the beach at Seaside. After we got home I drove over to Vancouver to spend the evening with Keith and Amy, family and friends, to watch the Auburn game. It was good catching up with them. I then drove to Howard’s house to watch the last part of the Ducks game. A very full but wonderful day. You are faithful and loving, Father. (Or as Lynda opened every prayer, “Thank you for your love and your mercy.”)

September 23, 2018

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Up early for so I could participate in pre-service prayer at 8:30. Met so many old friends, many of whom are convinced I need to come back “home.” The Lord will need to work out the details. Marc began a new series called, “The Journey,” which spoke specifically to my situation. My stomach is very upset - I think something I ate yesterday. I wait for you, Father.

September 26, 2018

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While speaking in the PBC Chapel I was recalling the times when young men approached me in the spring of the year, complaining of health issues. "I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't focus my mind." To which my response always was, "What's her name." Sometimes it was lack of sleep or too much junk food. Other times it really was the beginning responses of love. As I shared, I realized that loosing one's spouse is similar. Looking back after 47 years, seeing how much in love we were. "I can sleep. I can't eat. I can't focus my mind." Love always leaves a mark - but it's a good thing.

September 27, 2018

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Up early to greet the family before they head out for the day. Walked Stephanie and Jesse to school. Then visited with Grayce - we called Mom and talked to her. I then drove back to Portland. Glenda and I had a light supper and visited. Ken came home late after a golf tournament. You are faithful, Father.

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One of the great joys of my trip back to the Pacific Northwest is the opportunity to visit with so many beloved family members. I got to spend part of an evening with Keith and Amy Hill (Amy is Bob and Neva's daughter) and their great daughters, Gabby and Izzy. I stayed with my cousin, Grayce Mitchell, her husband Rob, daughter Carrie and her great kids, Stephanie, Jesse and Carmella, for three days. It was fun being another granddad ("Papa/Uncle"). And the icing on the cake was Grayce and I driving from Seattle to Tacoma to spend part of an afternoon with another cousin, Linda Goff and her son Steven. It had actually been years since I saw Linda and spent any amount of time with my family. Thank you so much for your kind and generous hospitality. I love you all!

September 29, 2018

Text message to James

I have a home in Georgia where I buried your Mom's temporary body. I have a home in Florida with my folks and other family. There's no question that my spiritual home is Portland. And I have a HOME with Jesus, and with Lynda. 

September 30, 2018

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In the Presence of the LORD... The veil is somehow thinner for me now.

What a blessing to spend part of the afternoon with more members of our family, Chris and Marianne Penwell. Chris is the brother of my wonderful daughter-in-law, Sarah Asplund. A great chance to catch up in Vancouver, WA! Thank you, Chris and Marianne.

October 1, 2018

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Sat in on a PBC class and met with the librarian to discuss my future contributions to the library. I then visited with Lanny before going to lunch with him - Chinese. Getting ready for the trip home tomorrow. Attended the first night of the annual MFI conference - a bonus. A wonderful time of worship and great teaching from Frank. A good opportunity to visit with some old friends. A blessed visit, as I knew it would be. I rejoice in you, Father.

October 3, 2018

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My two weeks with my closest friends and dear family members was just what the doctor ordered. A time of refreshing, healing and refocusing. The future seems brighter somehow - from mourning to joy! Thank you!

October 4, 2018

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I just want to say a big THANK YOU to my oldest and dearest friends, Ken & Glenda Malmin, who singlehandedly made my stay in Portland a wonderful, beautiful experience, one that will move my life forward into the next chapter. I love you both!

October 5, 2018

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The grieving process seems a bit like an AA 12-step process. It's necessary to "work the steps" or to "do the hard work of grieving." Avoiding the process simply stuffs down traumatized memories and emotions, only to have them resurface in toxic ways. The goal is to journey "from mourning to joy," to process and then transform thoughts and emotions. While the experience is different for everyone, I have noticed a kind of pattern for me. The immediate time after the loss of someone very precious is a brief time of shock and "denial." Then soon it is all about processing negative emotions, with an inevitable focus on past negative memories. These memories are about the dying and death of a loved one and perhaps the weeks and months (if not years) our loved one suffered before their transition and Graduation. If grieving has been intentional (with a lot of help from friends and family and a good grief support group, even counseling if needed), a time will come when thoughts and emotions begin to shift to positive memories of the loved one with a growing attitude of gratitude toward the Lord for the awesome blessing of sharing our mortal adventure with our wonderful loved one (who is more found than lost). We turn in thanksgiving for God's mercy and faithful presence. Eventually the focus begins to move from the past to the future, with a growing fresh vision and an understanding of God's preferred future for our lives. I'm so blessed to have family and friends who prod me to continue moving forward on the journey. I see how easy it could be to "get stuck" at a certain point along the way. In the end, God is journeying with us, loving us, comforting us, healing us, taking us by the hand and leading us forward. It seems important to understand that God wastes nothing. The future will be built on all the blessings of the past. For now, it's important to draw near, wait and trust the Lord in the grief journey. All will be well in due time.

October 6, 2018

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Worked in the kitchen, getting some items ready to donate. Started watching Shadowland but it brought back too memories and I had to stop. Though I walk through the Valley of the Shadow...you are with me, Lord.

October 8, 2018

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Dropped off some kitchen appliances at the CLST office. Dropped more kitchen stuff off at Good Will and bought some new sheets for the bed at Target. Got a coffee on the way home. Did a load of laundry. Missing Lynda. I love you, Father.

Text message to Charity & James

I have been reflecting on the mercy of the Lord. I remember the day the ambulance took Mom to Hospice. She was not expected to live out the day, so we settled her into her room and I went to the funeral home to make arrangements. I remember sitting in the chair in her room all night, saying over and over again, "Merciful Father...Merciful Father...Merciful Father!" And he was merciful, giving us 10 days with her, then taking her Home. We can trust that mercy every day God gives us. We can rest. 

October 9, 2018

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One of the most important lessons I have learned during these months is the fact that I have absolutely no control over the timing of things. Our lives are in God's hands, and our very moments are in God's hands. I tend to be a compulsive planner, a compulsive chess player, always planning three or four moves ahead, considering the options and consequences. While planning is important, in the end, "if it's God's will" is the bottomline. Thinking we can control the timing of things ends up just being a waste of time, as well as potentially very frustrating. "Wait" is my new watchword.

October 10, 2018

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Hurricane Michael came ashore and is headed toward us. Reviewed Scrivener and started work on a memory book for Christmas. Bring peace, Lord.

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In the past I have commented on lessons learned from reflecting on the life of my precious wife, Lynda, especially her spiritual sensitivity, childlike trust in her Father, and especially her devotion to prayer as a normal lifestyle. I remember times when I told her about a conversation I had during the day and she would inevitably ask, "Did you pray with them?" Well.... "Then let's pray for them now." And we would join hands and she would pray. She had such confidence in her Lord that a response of prayer was simply assumed. Now I notice times when I might hang up from a phone conversation with someone and I think, "Lynda would not have hung up without praying for them." While I don't have a ministry of intercession, I remember what my good friend Mark Jones always says: "More prayer is better than less prayer." Now that I can't rely on Lynda to make up for my lack, I'm asking the Lord to increase my simple faith and response of prayer as a lifestyle.

October 11, 2018

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A very rough night of sleep. I found myself grieving in a very raw way today – something that has not happened for weeks. I just really missed Lynda, and more than that, felt her absence and the need for her in my life. Charity texted me about Dominick – I know Lynda would be interceding all day for him. I remember Mom saying that she knew the moment when Lynda died because at that moment she know longer felt her prayers. In the end, it is the person of the Holy Spirit who is praying with and in us. I know the precious Paraclete of the Father is interceding for Dominick today. Working on Lynda’s Christmas memorial book. Thank you, sweet Comforter.

October 12, 2018

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The hurricane has messed up many of the graves in Lagrange - Lynda’s was fine and I fixed her neighbor’s. It seemed like a miracle. Completed Lynda’s Christmas memorial picture book. Somehow it made me miss her all the more. You are my past, present and future, Father.

Text message to James

I was emotional and lonesome yesterday and today. Feeling your Mom's absence. I got used to being with people. My time living alone here in Georgia is not going to last long. 

October 13, 2018

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Woke up in the middle of the night having a horrible nightmare, feeling attacked with fear. Prayed and was able to go back to sleep in the chair. Had a leisurely time of prayer and reading. Finished and ordered a copy of the memory book draft. Did several loads of laundry, including the bed sheets. Took off the cover – getting ready to sell the bed. Tired and anxious. I rest in your love, Father.

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Thank you, Jesus for the amazing, extravagant, extraordinary blessing of being intimately connected to the most awesome, sweet, wonderful girl I have ever met! Forever grateful for almost 48 years together!

October 14, 2018

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Drove into Lagrange to gather for worship at NCC. Bought some packing boxes at Staples on the way home. Had a sandwich before driving to Columbus for the Brasington wedding. It would good to be with my Columbus friends. Visited with Mom and Dad, telling them my belief that St. Augustine is my next chapter. Praying for revival. May your Kingdom come according to your will in our day, Father.

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During worship this morning I remembered a conversation I had while in Portland. It was the first night of the MFI annual conference (my friend snuck me in) and we had a wonderful time of worship and Word. Afterward I had a conversation with a pastor and his wife who had been very important to our family when we lived there. When the missus saw me she said she had been thinking about Lynda during the worship time. She pointed to a specific spot at the alter and recounted the time when Lynda had prayed for her and given her a word that had changed her life. She then asked, "Is Lynda here tonight?" To which I responded, "I'm not entirely clear about that." (In fact, as heaven came down during worship I felt as though I sensed Lynda with us. How she loved/loves worship!) She then asked, "Where is she?" And I answered, "In heaven." You can imagine the look of surprise, but also the awareness of Lynda's profoundly important ministry during the long years of her life. It is a sweet memory. A happy memory. Thank you, Jesus!

"But you have come to Mount Zion, to the city of the living God, the heavenly Jerusalem. You have come to thousands upon thousands of angels in joyful assembly, to the church of the firstborn, whose names are written in heaven. You have come to God, the Judge of all, to the spirits of the righteous made perfect, to Jesus the mediator of a new covenant" (Hebrews 12:22-24).
Text message to Charity & James

This evening I told Nana and Papa that my next chapter will be in St. Augustine. I'm committed now. 

October 16, 2018

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A strange thing happened to me last Thursday. When I woke up in the morning it felt as though my grieving journey was starting over again. The same painful sense of loss, a keen awareness of Lynda's absence, including the absence of her counsel and prayers, a feeling of disorientation. Although I have always been told that the experience of grief is not linear (more like a spiral), I didn't expect it and I didn't like it. By the end of the day on Sunday I was feeling better and was able to talk about what had just happened. I had a visit with my parents, telling them that grief and mourning had circled around and bit me in the butt again. My mom said, "Yes, and it will happen again." (I love my mom.) I would rather that life moved forward in an orderly, predictable way, in a straight line, with minimum of surprises. Oh well. As always, God's grace is sufficient for every step along the way.

My heart is with two giants of the faith and their families today. Kevin Conner and Eugene Peterson are in hospice care. I can almost picture them there, waiting and praying, praying and waiting. May the peace of God cover them like a blanket of love.

October 19, 2018

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Up early this morning, not feeling well. I eventually concluded I am having a certain amount of a “Friday Anniversary” effect of Lynda’s passing. Started scanning a photo album and worked on a blog post. Lead me on, Father.

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I think I know why I wake up very early, anxious, heart pounding, disoriented, on the same morning every week. I think it's short-term anniversaryitis (if that's a word), called "Friday," the day Lynda passed on/over/through.

Happy Memory: Lynda had funny, cute nicknames for everyone and everything. Even our furniture had nicknames - my chair in the living room was "The Big Fluffy" and her chair was "Mrs Fluffy." Our car is "Sammy Sorento." Her nickname for our son James was "James E. Bugger Nose," or "B Nose" for short. Her name for me was "Little Man." She was a wonderful, creative, funny girl.

October 20, 2018

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Slept fairly well last night. Worked on moving preparation off-and-on all day. Visited with Charity about it on the phone. A cloudy, rainy, productive day. You are my strength, Father.

October 21, 2018

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Mom and Dad’s 69th wedding anniversary. Decided to take an actual Sabbath today – no work. Up very early – couldn't sleep. Read until my alarm went off. Drove into Lagrange to gather at NCC. Drove back to Lagrange to meet with my small group. Shared with them my plan to sell the house and move to St. Augustine. Visited with Gary Welter about my planned move on the way home. Visited with Reggie, then Mom and Dad after I got home. I lean on you, Father.

October 23, 2018


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Sorted through all our “stuff” off-and-on all day – my books, Lynda’s clothes, etc. Drove into Lagrange early to read at Starbucks before my Grief Share group. You are my hiding place, Father.

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Reflecting on Lynda's deep faith and spiritual maturity continues to be a source of encouragement and instruction for me. Lately I have remembered that Lynda began every prayer with the exact same words. It didn't matter if she was giving thanks for a meal, preparing to drive somewhere, praying together before going to bed, or praying for a special need. Every prayer began with, "Thank you for your love and your mercy." For Lynda, these two qualities defined God and gave her the confidence to trust God in every situation. God is love, and God is mercy. That fact is the foundation of our faith and the basis of our personal trust and relationship with God.

October 25, 2018

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After lunch I prepared the bed for sale, took pictures and posted them on the FB Marketplace. Went through the Christmas decorations, setting most of them aside for Charity. Edited the picture book of Lynda and ordered several copies. I delight myself in you, Father.

October 28, 2018

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We know that a sacred, covenant marriage has Christ at the center who has brought two people together and holds them together. It occurs to me that when one of the partners is called Home, the only thing that continues is Christ, and that is potentially a good thing, an opportunity to grow closer to Christ and make him the center in a new way.

October 29, 2018

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I proposed marriage to Lynda on this day in 1970. Today is also the 4-month anniversary of Lynda’s passing. After lunch I mailed two more boxes of books to PBC and drove into Lagrange to begin the process of buying new carpet for the house. I’m not having any success selling the bed – I think I need to view it as a potential way of blessing someone. You are good, Father.

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It was on this day, October 29, 1970, that I proposed marriage to Lynda. I was unconventional and not romantic, so it was not a typical proposal. We were parked in my car, fellowshipping, when I said, "Why don't we get married?" And in Lynda-fashion she responded, "I'll think about it." And she did - for two weeks. Finally, on November 12 she said, "Yes." But I was disappointed in her expectation of an engagement ring. I was hoping she would accept my love beads as a sign of my commitment to her. Oh well - she was a "straight chick." Our untraditional partnership lasted nearly 48 years, and I am thankful for every day.

There was another anniversary today. Four months ago Lynda was called home. I miss her.

October 31, 2018

Text message to James

Today is the 4 month anniversary - how are you doing? I'm a bit weepy today, but with good not painful thoughts. Thankful. 

Text message to Charity & James

I'm heading out of town tomorrow for a brief visit to the Blue Ridge Mountains - Amicalola Falls Lodge - to enjoy the fall colors. It was the closest thing Mom and I could find to the Pacific NW. I'll send pictures. 

October 30, 2018

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Didn’t sleep well last night. Merciful Father. Worked on packing more books as well as kitchen items off-and-on all day. Packing in preparation for selling the home and moving is hard but necessary. I depend on you, Father.

October 31, 2018

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After lunch I drove into Lagrange to visit Lynda’s grave and buy moving supplies. Finished preparing donations for a homeless shelter. Getting ready for my trip tomorrow. You are my joy, Father.

November 3, 2018

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I had a wet but beautiful stay in the Amicalola Falls Lodge - one of Lynda and my favorite places in Georgia. It gave me a lot of time to rest and reflect. Once again my thoughts returned to my long and wonderful marriage and lessons learned. While regrets are futile - I can't turn back the time, nor would Lynda want me to - I believe I can, by God's grace, grow and do better in the future - not in a relationship with a future wife but in relationships with any human person God brings (or has brought) into my life. I reflected on the possibility to treating Lynda with more consistent honor and respect, never as an object, always valuing her perspective. I thought about the possibility of communicating more deeply about what she was thinking and feeling, her hopes, dreams and fears. Not that we didn't do that - I just see I could have been more intentional about in-depth, heart-to-heart personal communication. I feel safe and recommending these lessons to anyone in a significant relationship. It's not too late, we're not too old, to learn and grow - to the glory of God.

November 4, 2018

Text message to Charity & James

I had a happy dream early this morning. Your Mom touched me on the back, and when I turned around she grabbed me around the waist and held me tight. Then she said, "I love you." I kissed her on the forehead and said, "I love you and I miss you." And then I woke up with a wonderful sense of peace. I didn't really know what to think about it, so I just said, "Thank you, Lord."

November 5, 2018

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Slept well last night. Breakfast and a time of prayer. Caught up with my emails. Provided some blog verbiage for CLST. Mailed two more boxes of books to the PBC library. Participated in MDL discussions. After lunch I wrote weekly announcements and recorded videos for the MDL classes. Got the bed ready to deliver. Arthur came over with his truck to help Andrew and I move the bed to his place in Manchester. We took the scenic route. I had a quick dinner and drove into Lagrange for the Service of Remembrance at St. Mark’s Episcopal. Posted my announcements when I got home. Read and rested. My life is hidden in you, Father.

November 8, 2018

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Since I now live in my very own hermitage on a perpetual retreat, I have been reflecting on the spiritual disciplines. I'm learning that the "discipline of silence" is significantly about learning how to listen more deeply, learning to be attentive and present in the moment. Once again I am learning by reflecting on the spiritual maturity of my sweet Lynda. On the day Hospice sent an ambulance to pick Lynda up, she was in too much pain to move in the bed, let alone get up from the bed. The EMS folks were very careful and professional, moving her gently onto the gurney. Once she was settled Lynda immediately expressed her personal interest for those serving her. "What do you do when you get a really large person to pick up? Have you ever hurt your back?" etc. I must admit that in the moment I was primarily scared, just trying to survive, not thinking Lynda would live out the day. But not Lynda. Her focus was on the persons in her space in that moment. As you know, God was very merciful, giving us an additional 10 days with Lynda so many family members and friends could come and receive a blessing. Father, give me your heart for the precious people you bring into my life, attentive to your heart and voice in those sacred moments.

November 10, 2018

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I tried having a “Sabbath” from 6:00 last evening to 6:00 this evening, not doing any work. I ended up fighting anxiety and depression. When I jumped back into work I felt better. I don’t think I’m doing as well as I think I am. You are all I need, Father.

November 13, 2018

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Lynda and I have long been fans of the work of Thomas Kincaid. When Lynda's heart failed in 1998, his work, "Bridge of Faith," seemed to be a picture of our future, and we took great comfort in it. We know where the road of faith ultimately leads us, but there are important stops along the way. "We walk by faith, not by sight."

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart" (Ecclesiastes 3:11).

November 18, 2018

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During worship, I felt I heard the Lord say, “Come forth,” with reference to the story of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead (John 11:43). Coming out of the tomb Lazarus was “bound hand and foot with graveclothes,” and there was a need to “Loose him and let him go.” It’s still true that the memories of the final weeks with Lynda are the clearest in my mind, burned onto my memory, resulting in more sadness than I think the Lord wants for me at this point. Jesus desires to undo the graveclothes and release me into the new chapter he has planned for me. I’m ready. I will follow you, my Lord.

November 19, 2018

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Ate breakfast and packed for the trip to Florida. Made good time, stopping along the way. Got to Charity and Ken’s around 3:00 and dropped off Christmas decorations and books. I then drove to Mom and Dad’s. Visited about my upcoming move to St. Augustine. I reflected on the fact that moving from negative to positive memories from the past with Lynda, while important, needs to move forward from here. While it doesn’t involve memories, Lynda has a present and a future. Lynda’s future does not include pain, sorry and death. Her future only includes life, perfect peace, fulness of joy, understanding, boldness, and glory. While I’m waiting with the Lord for my next chapter, I don’t want to “move on” but I want to “move forward” with the Lord and with Lynda. I’m asking for a new capacity, a new ability to share in the glory and the joy that is now her very life. I rejoice in you, Father.

November 22, 2018

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Thanksgiving Day. Got ready for dinner and drove downtown to the Columbia where we met Charity and Ken, Debbie and Janel, and Thomas and Lisa. We toasted the missing members of our family: Ronny, Diana, Joey and Lynda. We then went to Mom and Dad’s to play Uno and eat pie. After everyone left we Skyped James and the family, then Reggie and Sandi. You are faithful, Father. Thank you!

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I'm reflecting, on this Thanksgiving Day and every day, on how gratitude is a key to our spiritual life and health. We are encouraged to believe that giving God thanks from the heart is the foundation of our life before God (Romans 14:6). It is the grace of God and the Good News of God's grace that results in thanksgiving, to the glory of God (2 Corinthians 4:15; 9:11, 12). "Thanks be to God for his inexpressible gift!" (2 Corinthians 9:15). Our relationships are to be filled with expressions of thanksgiving (Ephesians 5:20). Our life of prayer is to include a large place for giving thanks (Philippians 4:6; Colossians 4:2). Of course, our personal relationship with God is to be filled with thanksgiving (Colossians 1:12; 2:7). In fact, everything we do as students and servants of the King is to be marked by thanksgiving (Colossians 3:17). In the end, Paul simply summarized it all by saying that we are to always give thanks to God, no matter what the circumstance (1 Thessalonians 5:18; 2 Thessalonians 1:3; 2:13). Everything is to be received from God - with thanksgiving (1 Timothy 4:4). And so, a very HAPPY THANKSGIVING to my wonderful family and friends. I thank God every day for you!

November 24, 2018

Journal entry

Up early to eat breakfast, pack and have a time of prayer with Mom and Dad. Very heavy traffic on the way home. Unpacked and had a light supper when I got home. It seemed hard to come back into an empty house – I think I do better when there is family close by. Touch your people once again, Father.

Text message to Charity & James

It was great being with family this week. I find that it's heard coming back to an empty house. I think I'll do better when I live close to family. I'm looking forward to Christmas in Texas. I love you two!

November 26, 2018

Journal entry

After lunch I cleaned the garage and finished work on my book manuscript. I then drove into Lagrange, buying a Christmas floral arrangement for Lynda’s grave and bringing it to the cemetery. I then went to Kemp Carpet and made and began making arrangements for the installation of new carpet. Dropped off some items at Good Will. Communicated with the kids about carpet samples. I rely on your love, Father.

November 28, 2018

Journal entry

Vic from Kemp Carpet came by, measured the space and I picked out a carpet. I then had a quick lunch and drove into Columbus. Dropped some kitchen items off at the office. Did some Christmas shopping and bought some groceries. Mom called to say that Dad’s cardiologist appointment showed an EF of 30 with consistent A-fib. His heart is failing. Texted a prayer request to the kids. Our lives are in your hands, Father.

Text message to Charity & James

Dad found out on Monday that his heart is failing with A-fib and an EF of 30. He took a nap and then went back to the jail - exactly what he needed to do. Unfortunately, I know a lot about that challenge and hope to be helpful when I move down there. Let's remember Dad and Mon in our prayers. 

November 29, 2018

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During the last few days I have been preparing to install new carpet in our house, and that has meant (among other things) going through bank boxes of Lynda's notebooks. While doing so, I was reminded of what a truly excellent student/scholar and teacher she was, beginning as a kindergarten teacher and then a college instructor. While most may remember her for her beauty and her positive, encouraging personality, she was also a highly intelligent person with very excellent communication, including public speaking, skills. She certainly instructed me on many occasions. Another reason to celebrate the extravagant gift that was Lynda. Thank you, Father!

November 30, 2018

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I have saved the clothes Lynda wore most often. Someone has suggested that I get a "Memory Quilt" made from some of them. Does anyone know of a quilter who might be able to do something like that?

December 2, 2018

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Christmas will be very different from me this year. I'm very much looking forward to spending it with my family in Texas. It occurs to me that for Lynda, being with Jesus where he is, seeing him as he is, being able to enjoy sweet fellowship with him face-to-face without the limitations of mortality, will be the ultimate Christmas experience. So...Merry Christmas, Sweetheart!

December 4, 2018

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I got a festive Merry Christmas floral arrangement for Lynda’s grave. (I know. I’m pitiful!)

December 6, 2018

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Thomas Aquinas is considered be one of the great "doctors of the church," a theologian so prominent his teachings are known as "Thomism." It was on December 6, 1273, that Thomas saw a vision of the Lord that brought all his work to a glorious conclusion. “Such things have been revealed to me that all that I have written seems to me as so much straw,” he is supposed to have said, and he refused to write any more. Three months later he died.

December 7, 2018

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For several weeks I have been reflecting on the importance of hope. It's so easy to lose hope in the midst of chaos and pain. In fact, "hopelessness" is the root of so much depression. Since the first week in Advent is about hope, I thought I would take a moment to write down some thoughts about hope.

My short definition of hope is "a joyful expectation of the future." Hope is an active, positive, expectant want for God's preferred future. For that reason, hope is dependent on our faith. The writer to the Hebrews defined faith as "the substance of things hoped for" (11:1 KJV), "the assurance of things hoped for" (NAS). If we don't feel like we can trust God - trust God with our lives, to always do the right thing with our lives - than hope will remain beyond our grasp. Hope also assumes the presence of joy (a theme for week three).

Paul stated that his hope was in the glory of God (Romans 5:2) and encourages us to "be joyful in hope" (Romans 12:12). He went on to say that our God is a "God of hope" and prayed that his readers would "overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit" (Romans 15:13). Love always hopes, and with faith and love, hope is one of the three "theological virtues" of the Christian life (1 Corinthians 13:7, 13). At the same time, Paul also write that faith and love spring up from hope (Colossians 1:5). Indeed, we have been called by God to hope for "the riches of his glorious inheritance" (Ephesians 1:18). This kind of hope is really supernatural, made possible by the fact that Christ is in us by the Holy Spirit (Colossians 1:27). True hope is our "helmet of salvation" (1 Thessalonians 5:8), much needed in trying, confusing times.

So, my prayer is that, during this beautiful Advent season, while we marvel at the coming (and the return) of Jesus, we will ask the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with a new ability to trust and the hope that will follow. As Julian of Norwich famously wrote, “All shall be well, and all shall be well and all manner of thing shall be well.”

December 13, 2018


Journal entry

I feel the Lord showed me the need to “let Lynda go,” i.e., to see the broad and beautiful future before her as not necessarily connected to mine, to allow her to pursue her own portion of God’s eternal purpose. While I celebrate the gift Lynda was and the many gifts she has left behind, I too need to follow whatever path the Lord sets before me. I look to you, Father.

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Since lighting the Advent Love Candle on Sunday I have been reflecting again on the nature, importance and power of God's love. That theme recurs to me often - I've long realized that almost every weakness and need in my life would be resolved if God's love was a more prominent part of my life. Human love tends to objectify people with a mix of self-centered motivations, from ego-gratification to self-indulgence. In fact, since self-centeredness is the essence of sin, it could be said that sin and God's love are exact opposites. (It could also be said that God's love and self-focused human love are exact opposites.)

The Bible case is profound but quite simple. "God is love." God created human beings with a unique capacity to receive and return God's love, freely and voluntarily. We were created for relationship - with God and with others. All of God's plans are relational at heart. All of God's methods are designed to foster relationship. Jesus taught that loving God and neighbor comprise the Great Commandment (Matthew 22:37-39). Paul wrote that we are to be "devoted to one another in love" (Romans 12:10) and that love is the fulfillment of the Law (Romans 13:10).

Paul also famously described the characteristics of this kind of love. "Love is patient...kind...does not envy...does not boast...is not proud...does not dishonor others...is not self-seeking...is not easily angered...keeps no record of wrongs...does not delight in evil...rejoices with the truth...always protects...always trusts...always hopes...always perseveres...never fails" (1 Corinthians 13:4-8).

The greatest act of God's self-giving was sending his completely unique Son to be one of us, to build a bridge back to the heart of God with his own life, and to describe and model that new relationship. It boggles the mind! And yet, that is the reason Christmas is such a source of joy. May God's love, "poured into our hearts by the Holy Spirit" (Romans 5:5) grow and grow until the loving character of our Lord shines forth in and through our lives.

(1 John 3:2)

December 14, 2018

Text message to Charity & James

I have been in contact with John Michael Talbot and the Little Portion Monastery since Mom went Home. I always told your Mom that I would be no good on my own and would probably join a monastery when she died (or not). Anyway, they sent me a lovely Christmas box "wrapped in swaddling cloths." It contains items from their bakery. I plan on bringing some items with me. Let me know if you have a preference. 

December 15, 2018

Journal entry

Got dressed for the Memorial Service at Higgins – went in early to get a couple of packing items. A good service, acknowledging those who have passed this last year. It seemed to restart some mourning – a lot of weeping in the room. You are my joy, Father.

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I'm getting ready to attend the Christmas Memorial Service at Higgins Lagrange Chapel this evening. Community support during a time of grieving has been amazing, including Lagrange Hospice Care. Participating in Grief Share at New Community Church was a wonderful time of healing and reconnecting. I'm still receiving very helpful daily email messages from Grief Share. The grieving process is really more complicated than I could have ever imagined. I can't believe the number of emotional states that pop up from time to time - really a state of being fairly emotionally unstable for awhile. The primary emotion I've had to struggle with is regret. Many times I have reflected on the ways I could have loved Lynda better, served Lynda better, and have repented every time. (Apologized to Lynda, just in case she was being allowed to listen in.) I have always been very much in favor of learning wisdom from our mistakes, of not being afraid to make mistakes as long as we learn from them. But the problem with regret is that it keeps us chained to the past. I'm sure all of us would take a variety of "do-overs" if given a chance. The simple fact is, we can never do over. But we can learn, grow, and move forward, wiser and (hopefully) more mature. I know Lynda would not be as hard on me as I am on myself, and I certainly know that the Lord is ready to lead me into the next chapter of Kingdom purpose in my life. Repentance - yes. Wisdom - yes. Regret - no longer.

December 17, 2018

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True joy is a powerful thing. While it is a state that is available to human beings, it seems to be uniquely divine. It was said that Jesus was "full of joy through the Holy Spirit" (Luke 10:21). Joy is a fruit of the presence and activity of the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:22). Paul prayed that believers would be filled with, peace and hope "by the power of the Holy Spirit" (Romans 15:13). Jesus was said to have been anointed "with the oil of joy above his companions (Hebrews 1:9). Understandably, the birth of Jesus was bathed in joy (Luke 1:44; 2:10).

So, what is joy? As we know, true joy is often compared to happiness, a temporary emotional response to a brief circumstance. The joy that God is known for is much deeper and more permanent. Joy is connected to the spirit of hope and a deep, inner confidence that God is in control. Joy is really an almost overwhelming sense that all is well, that God is with us and that God's loving purpose will surround us as we put our trust in him.

I love the fact that Jesus was committed to his followers sharing his own joy (John 15:11; 16:24; 17:13). The apostles shared the concern that the followers of Jesus would share in joy (Romans 12:12; 1 John 1:4). The kingdom of God is to be known for its righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit (Romans 14:17). Those who have come under the rule of that Kingdom will also be known for joy, even in the midst of challenging circumstances.

I know you won't object to my mention of the fact that Lynda was known for her joy and spirit of gratitude. People loved to do even simple nice things for her or say nice things so they could see her immediate, excited expression of joy and thankfulness. To the end her life overflowed with joy, making it a delight to spend any time with her. During the last 3 years she would occasionally say, "Stupid body - when do I get my new body?!" Well...you have it, SBG! And now, yours is the fullness of joy promised by our Lord, indeed, "joy unspeakable and full of glory!"

That is the destiny of each one of us. During this Advent season may we ask God to baptize us in the joy of the Holy Spirit. Even when times are hard, may we know a deep, overwhelming sense that God is with us, passionate about the well-being of our souls, and that all is and will for ever be well!

"I will pour out my Spirit on your offspring, and my blessing on your descendants" (Isaiah 44:3).

December 20, 2018

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I have once again been amazed observing the daily lives of my 89 year old parents. After spending 10 hours in the doctor's office, running tests on Dad's increasingly weak heart, he felt the need to visit the St. John's County jail. He says that no matter how bad he feels, when he shows up to his office at the jail all weakness and pain leaves. And of course, he was able to pray with 4 inmates to connect with the Lord. The harvest goes on! Making a difference in every day God gives us!

December 29, 2018

Journal entry

Fifth Day of Christmas. Six month anniversary of Lynda’s welcome home party. James and I went to breakfast. Had a prayer and said Goodbye to the family. I’m looking forward to getting back home tomorrow, even though I anticipate making a new home in the new year. I look to you, Father.

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Having breakfast with my son, James, on the six month anniversary of Lynda’s Homecoming Party. We both had the honor of being there.

December 31, 2018

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The Prince of Peace has come!

And in order to really understand the signficance of that announcement, it is necessary to see peace as so much more than the absence of conflict or a warm, calm feeling. I love the Old Testament word for peace. "Shalom" is an extravagant word that includes balance, wholeness and harmony. It is related to the great idea (and promise) of "rest." It is integrity and coherence in every area of life.

The final words of the priestly blessing were, "and give you peace" (Numbers 6:26). Shalom is something that only the Lord can bless his people with (Psalm 29:11). Peace is promised to those who love God's "torah" (Psalm 119:165) and those who trust in the Lord (Isaiah 26:3). The angels announcing the birth of the Messiah promised peace on earth (Luke 2:14). At the last supper Jesus declared, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you" (John 14:27). After his resurrection, Jesus always greeted his followers with, "Peace be with you" (John 20:19, 21, 26). Peace is both a mark of God's Kingdom (Romans 14:17) and a fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22). I am often reminded that Lynda's favorite "breath prayer" up to and including her final days was, "Bring peace." Peace comes as we are convinced that the faithful hand of the Lord is resting on us and that we can trust him to do the right thing in our lives.

When Isaiah prophesied that the Messiah would come as the Prince of Peace, he promised, "Of the greatness of his government and peace there will be no end" (9:6-7). Isaiah also prophesied, "The fruit of...righteousness will be peace; its effect will be quietness and confidence forever" (32:17), and "Those who walk uprightly enter into peace; they find rest as they lie in death" (57:2). If there is anything our souls and our world needs it is true peace. May we find our way into God's peaceful abode in the new year.

Text message to Charity & James
While thinking about this past year I remembered an interesting experience. A dear friend of ours came over to the house to help me pick out carpet. The samples were on the floor in the bedroom. When she walked in she remarked, "There's something different about this room." I pointed to the chair where Mom spent countless hours worshiping and praying. I said, "It's that chair." The closer she got to it the more she was able to confirm what she was feeling. I knew then it wasn't just my emotionalism or sentimentality. Every night before going to bed I sit in Mom's chair and pray. Prayer is more powerful than we know it is Mom's legacy. Let's live in the legacy by praying for each other and the next generation of Asplunds.

January 3, 2019

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I'm staying at the Mountain Top Inn on Pine Mountain while new carpet is being installed in the house (it's a two-day job). I'm beginning to make preparations to sell the house. Staying in the Inn brings back the clear memory from March 2007. A tornado had hit our apartment complex in Columbus on March 1, doing considerable damage and knocking the power out for days. Eventually, desperate for hot water, we checked into the Inn for a couple of days. While here Lynda found on the internet a new house for sale that she loved, and it happened to be just below the Inn. So, on the way back to Columbus we found that house, and as we drove up to it, it stood out like a beacon in the neighborhood. Lynda immediately said, "That's my house!" When we got back to town I had my friend and colleague make an offer on the house, which was accepted and a loan approved within 10 days. By the end of the month we had moved in. Now that I anticipate selling it, even though it no longer feels like "home," I don't take the great blessing it has been to us during these 12 years. Although I bought it for Lynda, it has been a wonderful blessing to me as well. It is a very pretty house in a pretty, quiet lake community, tucked away in the woods on Pine Mountain. It is quiet, peaceful and safe. I will always be very grateful to the Lord for the wonderful blessing of this home in west central Georgia. It is with mixed feelings that I anticipate its sale and a move, but I am very aware that it is ultimately not my Home, and that my pilgrimage must now carry me to the next stop along the way. Thank you for your prayers for a good sale and for God to bless the ones he wants to be the next occupants of this wonderful place.

January 5, 2019

Text message to Charity & James

I was blindsided by a wave of grief this evening. Nevertheless, it is well with my soul, "10,000 Reasons." I love you both. 

January 10, 2019

Text message to Charity & James

Your Mom lived continuously in the overflow, and as long as she was alive, it was enough. Since her Promotion, I've noticed how dry I am. It was wonderful to have a time of refreshing in Portland, standing under the waterfall for awhile.

January 17, 2019

Journal entry

Up coughing again in the night. Finally gave up and got up. Drove into Lagrange for a meeting with F.L.I. Properties, only to find out that the agent was driving to my house. Got caught in cold rainy coming and going. The agent likes our house and set a time next Tuesday to go over the detail of a listing. Asthma kicked in, making it hard to concentrate. Read, rest and coughed. You are my hiding place, Father.

January 19, 2019

Text message to Charity & James

I'm making final preparations to list the house for sale. The first meeting was Thursday and it becomes final and official next Tuesday. I'm finding it a bit stressful, hard. It's the last step in the process of viewing the house as our home to viewing it as a thing to be sold. While I know it's necessary and what the Lord wants, and while I've begun to look forward to the next chapter, it still feels hard.

January 20, 2019

Journal entry

Had breakfast and a time of prayer before picking Arthur and Carrie up for our drive to Atlanta. When we arrived at Tri-Cities Church in East Point the power had been knocked out by last night’s storm and the church was cold and dark. Nevertheless, the church basement was full of those who had come to eat breakfast and fellowship around welcoming their new pastor and his family, the Hardwicks. There was a great time of acapella worship from a very anointed worship pastor and team. In fact, during worship it was almost as though I saw incense ascending toward heaven, not only from our gathering but from gatherings all over the world. As the incense reached heaven, I saw angels dancing and twirling and singing for joy. And in the midst of the angels… Rejoicing!... Celebrating!... Overflowing with joy! Lynda! How Lynda loved(s) worship! Your Presence is heaven, Father.

January 22, 2019

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After lunch I did some chores around the house and outside with final preparation for listing the house in mind. Drove into Lagrange to meet with Kendall at F.L.I. and signed the papers needed to list the house. I delight in you following you, Father.

January 27, 2019

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A young family came by to look at the house. They used to live across the street and seem very interested – a godly family. I rejoice in you, Father.

January 28, 2019

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Up very early for breakfast and prayer before an agent for Allied Van Lines came over to inventory our furnishings. I ended up signing a contract to move all our belongs to St. Augustine for less than I thought it was going to be. Received an offer on the house and made a counter offer. I rest in you, Father.

January 29, 2019

Journal entry

The seven-month anniversary of Lynda’s home-going. Drove into Columbus to buy some packing supplies at Allied. Did some packing when I got home. Received a counter offer from the buyers which I accepted. The home is sold – closing is Feb. 22. What a journey – I just want to stay close to the Lord during the process. Called Mom and Dad to let them know their prayers had been answered. You are my strength, Father.

January 30, 2019

Text message to Charity & James

The house sold on the 7th anniversary of Mom's homegoing. Life goes on for both of us.

February 2, 2019

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No matter where I go or what I do, you will always be in my heart! I love you always and for forever. "Until heaven, and then forever."

February 4, 2019

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I've had to fill out the first forms that require me to declare myself to be "single." I even had to provide a death certificate to prove it. Is it OK that I don't feel "single"? I was thinking about how the combination of Lynda and my DNA resulted in two wonderful human beings, Charity Asplund Toombs and James Asplund. In a similar way, our lives became intimately "entangled" (in the best sense), resulting in each of us changing into a different person than we would have been if our lives had never interconnected. It's not possible for me to go forward as if the imprint of Lynda is not a permanent part of my life. I will be "single" in the next chapter of my life, but Lynda will continue to be a vitally important part of that chapter.


February 5, 2019

Journal entry

Up early this morning to prepare for the home inspection. Some bats were found in the attic above the garage, which I arranged to have removed. The Knox crew came by for an inspection. I then reported to the Harris Co. Health Dept. Drove into Lagrange to run errands and get more packing material – stopped by Lynda’s grave on the way in. Packing and preparation for my trip to Montana. I’m believing the Lord for renewal and impartation. I seek you glory, Father.

February 14, 2019

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Valentine’s Day. Put a new spring floral arrangement on Lynda’s grave. Closing is one week from tomorrow. Made my first appointment in St. Augustine. You are my home and my family, Father.

Text message to Charity & James

(RE why I put Valentine's Day flowers on Lynda's grave) Our connection is eternal and real, not just because her impact on my life is permanent but because God's Spirit is in and with both of us - and you. I honor her grave as a visible and public way of honoring her.

February 17, 2019

Journal entry

Up early for breakfast before driving into Lagrange to gather at NCC, praying along the way. Visited after the service to say Good Bye to my Georgia family. I then went with the Clarks to visit Lynda’s grave – I entrusted the various floral arrangements to them. We then visited the grave of Arthur’s mother in Pine Mountain. We ate an excellent lunch at the Country Store before saying our Until Next Time. Drove back to Lagrange to attend my last small group meeting. They presented me with a going away gift. We had a good discussion together. Visited with Mom and Dad when I got home. You are my hiding place, Father.

February 18, 2019

Text message to Charity & James

The house felt empty before It's really empty now. Looking forward to moving into the next chapter. 

February 20, 2019

Journal entry

I drove into Columbus for devotions at the CLST office and lunch with the staff. During lunch I received communication from the closing lawyer, Janice Mallory, that Lynda’s will had not been “probated” and that I therefore did not have the authority to sell our home. I drove straight to the lawyer’s office in Hamilton. I hired her to do the probating, but it will add at least a week to the closing process. Communicated with the family, the buyers and Allied. I decided to take advantage of the lack of a Friday closing to drive to St. Augustine tomorrow to rent a place over the weekend. If successful, I will maintain the plan to move my furniture next week. I will follow you, Father.

February 22, 2019

Journal entry

Up early in St. Augustine to pray and have breakfast. Headed out early to meet with two real estate agents. The second one was by far the best one and just slightly more rent. I filled out the form for the HOA and the agent, paying fees, etc. I will sign a lease on the way out of town on Monday and move in on Thursday. Leased a storage unit before catching up on some work at B&N. Communicated my progress to family, etc. Got word that the closing may happen early than anyone thought. Soon and very soon… I delight in following you, Lord.

February 24, 2019

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Casting out on my own is opening a new chapter in my life. At the same time, it makes me miss Lynda more than ever. She will always be with me, no matter where I go.

February 25, 2019

Journal entry

Woke up feeling vulnerability and temptation. Lynda and I often discussed my feeling that we had been in “the wilderness” since moving to Georgia. We had many confirmations that the move in 2006 was the Lord’s will, so it was the Holy Spirit that led us into the wilderness. The result was a constant feeling of being “uncovered” and vulnerable to temptation and character weakness. On the other hand, that exposure showed the need to go deeper and allow the Lord to bring new spiritual growth. I honestly don’t feel I’ve made much progress in the ensuing years, and since Lynda’s passing I have felt even weaker and more exposed. Somehow I believe my sojourn in Florida needs to be a more intensive time of spiritual formation, new depth and new victory, from glory to glory. Florida seems an odd place for that to happen, so I’m trust the Lord to cover me, lead me, and stamp the image of Jesus on my heart and life in a new way. I believe that will be somehow necessary before my eventual return to Portland. After a time of prayer with Mom and Dad I drove to Century 21 and signed my lease for the condo. I then drove back to Georgia, communicating with my attorney and agent along the way. I have an appointment in the morning in the Probate Court. I surrender to you, Father.

February 26, 2019

Journal entry

Had a time of prayer and did some packing before driving to Hamilton to meet my attorney and the Probate Judge. I took an oath and the process of probating Lynda’s will was complete. Kudos to James and Charity for making it a quick, easy process. I then ate lunch in Pine Mountain and processed a forwarding address at the post office. Cancelled my utilities in Pine Mountain and began signing up for utilities in Florida, beginning with the electric. More packing. Back to Hamilton for the closing – a 3 hour process. I then went to dinner at a local pizza buffet with the buyers and their family – evidently an unusual celebration. Called Mom and Dad with a report. Signed up for internet from Comcast in Florida. It has all happened very quickly here at the end. Father, your mercy endures forever.

February 28, 2019

Journal entry

Up very early to shower and have a time of prayer. Headed over to the storage unit, meeting the Allied team beforehand for breakfast. They dropped off the storage stuff before going to the apartment, where they dropped off all my furniture and boxes. I think I may still have too much furniture. Met some of the neighbors and checked in with the office. Took the team out for ice cream before we went our separate ways. Unloaded all of the items in the car. I will be opening boxes and beginning to settle tomorrow. You are my life purpose, Father.

March 3, 2019

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Now that I'm settled into a new "home" in Florida I have been reflecting on our move to Georgia. It was at the beginning of March, 2006, we began to seriously consider the need for a warmer, sunnier climate for Lynda. We had a wonderful intercessory prayer team who met regularly in our home on Rocky Butte to pray with us and listen to what the Lord was saying. I also had two great accountability partners to pray and discuss with, and finally we met with Dick Iverson to consider a possible move. When a job opened up in Columbus we eventually pulled the trigger and announced an upcoming move to Georgia. We put our "dream house" up for sale and had 3 offers by the end of the first day, so we scheduled a move for June 1. We drove across country and I reported for work in Columbus on July 1. To be honest, our home church in Portland is my spiritual home. To a significant degree I left my heart in Portland. While we were confident that the move was God's will, having been confirmed in multiple ways, we always felt like spiritual orphans in Georgia, wandering in the wilderness. However, we made many dear and wonderful friends. I have found Georgians to be kind, generous, polite, sweet people. Our friends embraced us like family and we greatly valued those friendships. As with our Portland relationships, my Georgia friends will always be a part of my life. After all, Florida is just one state south, and I will be back every year on Memorial Day to honor the life and memory of my sweet wife. So now, forward into a new chapter. Serving the Lord is always an adventure.

March 18, 2019

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I had a nightmare last night. I dreamt that Lynda died. I woke up alone in my apartment and gradually realized it was true. Weird!

March 28, 2019

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I’m reading two devotional books on my Kindle. The are books Lynda read regularly, highlighting favorite passages. It’s like her reading to me. This morning this was marked: “One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple.” Amen.

March 29, 2019

Journal entry

The nine-month anniversary of Lynda’s Graduation. Didn’t sleep well last night. Determined to spend the day out and about. Drove the entire length of Anastasia Island, sending pics to the kids. Visited the two possible sites for Mom’s birthday party. May your truth set me free, Father.

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Nine months, alone...but not alone. Never alone.

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid" (John 14:27). 

March 30, 2019

Text message to James

I was remembering how loving, caring and selfless Mom was during her last days. I remember the time she saw you and me sitting with her in the room and she said, "Why don't you boys spend some personal time together, go out to eat. I'll be fine." She knew she was dying but she gave no thought for herself. I so often feel like a spiritual baby in light of her mature love and faith. It is a beautiful legacy. 

April 6, 2019

Text message to James

I'm beginning to see what Charity was struggling with - I'm not looking forward to celebrating my birthday without Mom. 

April 10, 2019

Journal entry

Our 48th wedding anniversary. Our anniversary was an opportunity to reflect on the amazing gift of Lynda, so precious to me. In Christ we are still one. I love you, Lord.

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Today is our 48th wedding anniversary. I lived with my parents, brothers, daughter and son for 18+ years. I lived with Lynda for 47+ years. She is the only person I have ever been or will ever be "one" with. "Oneness" in marriage, in so many ways the object of marriage, increases with each decade. Other than the gift of Jesus himself, Lynda was God's best, most extravagant gift to me, and I will forever be grateful.

When you think about it, the "oneness" (intimacy) that is possible in a long, godly marriage, is a shadow of the Oneness that exists between Father, Son and Holy Spirit, and is a promise of the Oneness we can have with God throughout eternity. A growing intimacy with God is our hope for tomorrow and our desire for today.

I was looking at what we did last year on our anniversary and found that we didn't do anything because I was so sick. And I remembered that I fought a stomach ulcer most of the year, and lost a lot of weight as a result (not the way I would want to lose it). Now that I'm basically settled into a new place and a new chapter I'm feeling better, and putting some weight back on (also not necessarily what I wanted).

April 13, 2019

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Didn’t sleep well last night. I’m feeling disconnected, without my “anchor,” and see the need to focus more on “knowing Christ and making him known,” gazing on his glory as a lifestyle. Lord, make us One.

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This time of the year is marked by our wedding anniversary and my birthday. (I like to say that I was only 19 when we got married but I actually turned 20 the next week.) While it is a time of celebration and thanksgiving, it also seems to be drawing loss into sharp focus. There is no question that God is with me, that I am blessed, and I am very grateful. At the same time, there are still moments in the day when I remember that Lynda is not here, almost like I momentarily forget that she has gone to be with the Lord, and those moments are a reminder that the pain of her loss is still a part of my 24/7 experience. As you know, it is a very personal loss: not just the loss of a person but the loss of a beautiful, intimate shared life that grew and developed over 47+ years, a loss that has resulted in brokenness, an open wound, making me feel vulnerable if not endangered. I hope you know I am not complaining nor is my experience in any way unique, as all my dear friends and family members who live with a similar loss can testify. However, I am hopeful that a growing intimacy and shared life with God - Father, Son and Holy Spirit - will make me whole and safe again. That is my hope for tomorrow.

April 14, 2019

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Palm Sunday. I turned in a contribution toward Easter lilies in Lynda’s memory. Thank you, Father.

April 16, 2019

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Had my first dentist appointment – a very thorough check-up and cleaning. I ran errands and met Trish and Vickie at Village Inn to discuss party plans. Mom and Dad met me there for supper. Dad was very tired and very weak, having trouble walking. I had to help him out of the booth and to the car. It was a scary evening – I thought we were losing him. Mom prayed him through and he was resting when I left late for home. Our lives are in your hands, Father.

Text message to Charity and James

It was amazing to see Nana wrap her arms around Papa and interceded for him while he said, "I love you, Lord. There are so many people hurting mentally and physically. Thank you, Lord." I thought we were losing him. Papa is resting comfortably. Thank you for your prayers. 

April 18, 2019

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I am enjoying reading the book of Lent and Easter devotional writings from A. W. Tozer, the book Lynda read last year. She had bookmarked today's reading and I noted this quote: "What a hope that makes it possible for the Lord's people to lie down quietly when the time comes and whisper, 'Father, I am coming home!'"

April 26, 2019

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Mom’s 90th birthday. Slept well last night. Back to work on a new book idea and a blog post. Went with Mom and Dad to Red Lobster to celebrate Mom’s birthday. Bumped into Debbie and Janel who joined us. James called to wish his Nana a happy birthday. Spent time visiting with the folks. Set my spirit free, Father.

April 29, 2019

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Ten months ago today… Had a very clear and dear dream of Lynda last night. I miss her all day every day. Took a long walk down to the pier before breakfast and prayer. Did some work on a new book. A tentative title: Imitatio: Learning the Way of Jesus. You are my life, Father.

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Before I woke up this morning I had a very clear dream. I was with Lynda at the end, holding her hand, stroking her cheek. It was so very real. I didn't know why I was having that dream. And then I remembered. It was ten months ago today...

"On this mountain he will destroy
    the shroud that enfolds all peoples,
the sheet that covers all nations;
⁸     he will swallow up death forever.
The Sovereign Lord will wipe away the tears
    from all faces;
he will remove his people’s disgrace
    from all the earth.
The Lord has spoken" (Isaiah 25:7-8).

"She walks in starlight, in another world. It was just a dream" (Kili).

"Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. 14 For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him" (1 Thessalonians 4:13-14).

May 8, 2019

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Up very early for a first visit to my new GP Dr. Zub. He encouraged me to lose weight and sent me out for fasting labs. He is also referring me to a colonoscopy. We celebrated Mother’s Day this evening, taking the folks to Carrabba’s for dinner. Spent some time visiting and praying together before going home to pack. Watch over me in my going out and my coming in, Father.

May 9, 2019

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I will never forget my pilgrimage to Regent University last year. Lynda was very weak and spent most of the time in bed, but being a prophetic intercessor she felt it was very necessary for me to attend the Commencement at Regent. So I flew in and kept in constant touch with her, sharing pictures and even Facetime during Commencement. Lynda felt my connection to the Regent School of Divinity was very important for my future and I only agreed to be there on a mission - for the Lord and for Lynda. I found out that she had her first symptom of liver cancer while I was in Virginia Beach, but she never complained, only encouraged. That was Lynda. She only lived a few more weeks after I returned home. So, this year I'm back, happy and honored to be a part of the School of Divinity faculty. 

May 13, 2019

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I decided to make a side-trip to Georgia on the way home. I drove to NCC and spent some time with the staff. I then ate lunch at Country’s and got some items at Walgreens. Spent time at Lynda’s grave, reflecting, giving thanks, leaving a new flower arrangement. Drove to Callaway Gardens to revisit the Chapel. Dropped in on the Clarks – Carrie fed me dinner. Stopped by to say Hi to Luis Garcia. I need you, Lord.

May 16, 2019

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I realized too late that my own wonderful offspring had a hard time on Mothers Day. It was the first time in their lives that they did not have a mother to celebrate. Having celebrated with my mother and being on the road, that occasion of grief had not occurred to me. I'm sorry. I love you, Charity and James. And so does your mom.

May 18, 2019

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Lynda’s 72nd birthday. Posted a birthday wish on FB for Lynda. Communicated with Charity and James about the meaning of the day for us. Spent the evening with the Welters – a good time of fellowship. Home late for a time of reading and prayer. You are my Comfort, Father.

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It was on this day, May 18, 1947, that my best friend and sweet wife, Lynda Kay Asplund, was born into the world. Lynda was God's extraordinary, extravagant gift - to me, to her family, Charity & James, her grandsons Dominick, Jonathan, Ian and Joshua, and to family and friends around the world. If anything, I've come to love her more every day and to celebrate the great blessing she was and will always be. I love you, sweet baby girl. You are my sunshine...now and for ever.

Lynda did not like watching her age going up every year. When she turned 50, she made me take her out of town (Portland) so no one could wish her a Happy Birthday. So I took her to the Columbia Gorge Hotel & Spa, not because it was any kind of special day, but...just because! Her heart failed at the end of that year. We had just moved to Georgie (for her health) when she turned 60. Her family was not long-lived, her mom passing at 63 and her dad at 67. She seemed content with that fact. When she turned 70 she announced, "I know I am not going to live much longer." It was not because she had been fighting for her life for almost 20 years. She was a prophetic intercessor who had a clear sense of God's will being worked out in her life. She has a different birthday now in Paradise (June 29) that we will also celebrate. Hey over there - we love you!

May 29, 2019


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During my recent trip to Georgia I took advantage of the opportunity to visit Lynda's grave. I bought a bundle of flowers and placed them next to the arrangement already there. I then placed my hand on the grass over her grave and spent some time thanking the Lord for the wonderful gift of Lynda. Some may think I am a bit coo coo over Lynda's grave. Believe me, I know she is not there. However, that is the place where I folded up her mortal tent and put it away. Our bodies are designed to enable us to interact with the world around us, including people. I spent almost 48 years interacting with Lynda's tent, and I will always honor those years. Burial practices are largely symbolic. Those who believe in reincarnation tend to cremate the empty tent. Those who believe in a bodily resurrection at the end of the age tend to bury the empty tent. In fact, older Christian traditions bury bodies with the feet facing east, so on resurrection day they can rise to look Jesus in the face. (Lynda looked Jesus in the face the moment she was absent from the body.) I believe that in the resurrection, we will be given new, immortal bodies in continuity with our present mortal tent. I think I needed to bury Lynda's empty tent so I can have a hallowed place to visit from time to time. I will always remember...

June 6, 2019

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It was one year ago today that Lynda received a preliminary diagnosis of liver cancer. The following days were shocking and disorienting. I seem to be reliving it to a less painful degree, while being thankful for the faithfulness of the Lord during the year since then.

June 9, 2019

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My mom was sharing with my son how happy she is that I am having times of joy in this chapter of my life. The Lord has always been very kind and generous with me and blessed me in so many ways. And I believe that happiness and contentment are choices we make. Joy for the journey is essential. “Joy” is simply a deep, abiding sense that with the Lord, all will be well and all manner of things will be well. “All’s well that ends well,” and because of Jesus, all will certainly end very well indeed. But for most of my life, seeing Lynda’s face, hearing Lynda’s voice, just being with Lynda was all the joy I needed. That element of my joy is gone, but all will be well. It’s possible to grieve the loss while maintaining an attitude of hope.

June 11, 2019

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It was one year ago today that we met with our oncologist to examine the results of all the tests that had been conducted during the previous two weeks. His diagnosis was that Lynda had a very aggressive stage-four liver cancer that had exploded in her body and was spreading very rapidly. He said that a treatment of any kind would not be helpful and that his only care going forward would be pain management. I will never forget Lynda's immediate response: "I'm good with that." When she turned 70 the previous year she had announced, "I know I'm not going to live much longer," so she had been expecting it. She was peaceful and even cheerful, knowing that her homegoing was now approaching. For some odd reason, just knowing seemed to help even my own sense of finality. It reminded me of the attitude of Jesus toward the end when he said, "My hour has come."

June 19, 2019

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One year ago today Lynda was admitted to in-patient care at the Lagrange Hospice. Our oncologist had prescribed hospice care the day before (the 18th) and our friend, Lisa Williamson came out to help me with the paper work and do an examination. She told me that Lynda would need to go into in-patient care ASAP and that she would not be there long and that I should contact any family members who might want to see her (at least the mortal version) one last time. On the morning of the 19th an ambulance came out to pick up Lynda. I will never forget her concern that the EMTs not hurt their back lifting her and remarking that this was her very first ambulance ride. She was an extroverted people-person and couldn't be in the presence of another human being without engaging with them. James arrived at the house as the ambulance pulled away and we drove to the Lagrange Hospice. During the day we were greeted by our daughter Charity and husband Ken, Lynda's sister Neva and husband Bob, my brother Reggie and his grandson JR, as well as a host of dear friends from New Community Church. I knew the Hospice Chaplain from the Rotary Club and he was (and still is) very attentive. The next 10 days were days of people praying for Lynda and Lynda pray for them, of waiting and watching, reading and praying, staying close to the Father's side. It was a very sad and a very amazing time together. Life has been very different ever since those days.

June 29, 2019

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One year ago today, early in the morning, our wonderful wife/mom/grammy/sister passed through the veil into Paradise. Although her passing was sweet and godly, not having my wife of 47+ years by my side was like having an arm and a leg suddenly removed, requiring me to learn to live and walk again like someone newly disabled, only possible by the love and mercy of my Father and the presence and support of precious family and friends. After all, Lynda isn't really "gone," she didn't blink out of existence, she's just on the other side of the veil, no longer limited by her mortality, able to experience the glory of God with absolute abandon. I'm convinced that Lynda would want us to celebrate with her today. After all, she is with Jesus where he is, able to see him as he is. Perfect peace. No pain. Joy unspeakable and full of glory. We get to have foretastes of that abundant life while on our pilgrim's way, but not like those who have gone before us. And so, we celebrate with you today, wonderful girl! We love you and miss you every day. We will join you soon enough. It was true a year ago and it is still true today. LYNDA IS HOME!

July 3, 2019

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We had a Celebration of Life for Lynda on this day, July 3, last year. The southern style service and repast provided by my Georgia Family, New Community Church, was wonderful. The message by my friend and pastor, Lamar Hardwick, was amazing. My brother Reggie, sister-in-law Sandi, and their grandson/son JR, were with me as family on the front row. So many friends were there, expressing their love. When it was over, flowers were delivered to our home in Pine Mountain. The front porch and back patio were overflowing, not counting the many flowers that were left on Lynda's grave. It was a graphic reminder of how truly loved Lynda was around the world. It made me wonder what kind of reception she must have received in the Father's House.